A mother of 12 with a goal of having 15 children enraged one of her elder kids when she was ordered to put her younger siblings to sleep while studying.
Redditor "doodlydoot39" is a 16-year-old in school with a part-time job who never gets to feeling like a teenager.
That building frustration finally reached a boiling point in which she yelled at her mom to give up her dream of having 15 kids.
The Original Poster (OP) asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) for losing her temper and telling her mother not to have any more kids because she can barely take care of them herself.
"I(16F) live with my parents and 11 siblings. I'm the 4th kid, and the ages range from 20 to 1."
"We live in a 4 bedroom house, but it is so cramped with everyone in bunks and no privacy."
In addition to the cramped quarters, the OP feels pressure with additional responsibilities around the house.
"My parents also put most of the responsibility of the younger kids on us while they lay down and watch TV. True, they can have their breaks but they take them so often that I don't really get to be a teenager."
"Last night, after my mom told me to put J+A(3) to bed, I told her to do it herself as I need to study."
"She said that it is my responsibility as an older child."
If a fit of rage, the OP spoke up about the truth.
"I lost my temper and told her that she can't take care of her 12 kids as it is, and that she should give up her dream of 15 children because she's depriving the younger ones of a better life."
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
"NTA. Her 'dream' is only doable with you and the other older kids acting as secondary parents."
"You need to put your foot down and refuse to take on that role; maybe then, she will realize her dream is not only not doable, but is affecting the quality of life of the kids she already has." – JeepersCreepers74
The OP agreed with the above comment and said she would never get to "travel or take up a sport."
"This is great news. Hopefully your paychecks are going into a bank account that is just yours and not shared with your parents."
"Don't just save for college but for your missed travel and sport experiences, it won't be too late to enjoy them in young adulthood."
"Go AWAY to college--like another state where you can't be guilted in to coming back home regularly."
"Resist any arguments that 'community college and living at home for the first two years is the smartest plan'--this may be true for many students, but not you."
"Take out loans to do it if you have to, it will be worth breaking free. I'm concerned that your 20-year old sibling still lives at home and don't want you to follow in their footsteps."
"Do it not just for yourself, but to show your younger siblings that having an independent life is possible." – JeepersCreepers74
The OP was encouraged to attend college away from home.
"Listen to u/JeepersCreepers74, especially about the college part! Don't go to a college near where you live, your parents will simply try to make you come home often to parent your younger siblings, and soon enough they won't do sh*t for the kids, and will only rely on you to get shit done."
"If you done come back every day (esp. if you choose to go to school near them), they will constantly try to make you feel bad about not "taking care of your siblings" and not caring for them." – clockpsyduckcocaine
Fortunately, the OP had an aunt who helped raise her with her own child and opened up a bank account for her.
"I completely trust her, and she is the one has has actually raised me along with her child."
This Redditor suggested a time limit for the OP to leave home.
"Please don't be guilted into staying past the age of 18. I can't stand when older siblings are treated as parents."
"It's normal for siblings to help out- by that I mean grab a diaper for the parent, or do some dishes, occasionally babysit."
"But you shouldn't be putting them to bed, you shouldn't be changing diapers, or doing bath time, none of that. That is a parents responsibility." – 9mackenzie
Have you heard of the term, "adultification?" We haven't, either.
"Parentification" was another word used suggesting a form of abuse.
"Grew up second of 10 kids, 32m. The term used is 'adultification,' where parents deprive their kids of a childhood by hemming them up with adult responsibilities and expectations."
"F'k your parents. Trying to have 15 kids and not even living in a real house but a 4 bedroom apartment? Seriously, your parents can f'k off." – FatGuyANALLIttlecoat
"What your parents are doing to you is called parentification and it's a form of abuse." – GoldHondaDrivers
Redditors still couldn't get past the size of this family.
"NTA, your parents want 15 kids in a 4 bedroom house? What the f'k?" – sseccatt
In response, the OP explained that her mother wanting 15 kids was a "dream ever since she was young, and she has quite a strong personality."
This Redditor offered "some terrible advice" that scored them multiple Reddit awards – including the "I'm Deceased Award," "Stonks Rising Award," and the "Bless Up Award."
"Tell your mom it's a uterus, not a clown car."
For the OP's sake, let's hope she has her getaway car ready for her mad dash to freedom.