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The daughter of the late Nirvana frontman and Courtney Love took to Instagram to reflect on her journey navigating grief over the past three decades and to share the lessons she's learned along the way.
Posting several photos of her father, including two from "last time [they] were together while he was still alive," she wrote:
"30 years ago my dad’s life ended."
"The 2nd & 3rd photo capture the last time we were together while he was still alive. His mom Wendy would often press my hands to her cheeks & say, with a lulling sadness, 'you have his hands.'"
"She would breathe them in as if it were her only chance to hold him just a little bit closer, frozen in time. I hope she’s holding his hands wherever they are."
Frances, who was just a year old when her father died by suicide in 1994, said that as painful as death is, it "serves a purpose" to us all.
"In the last 30 years my ideas around loss have been in a continuous state of metamorphosing. The biggest lesson learned through grieving for almost as long as I’ve been conscious, is that it serves a purpose."
"The duality of life & death, pain & joy, yin & yang, need to exist along side each other or none of this would have any meaning."
"It is the impermanent nature of human existence which throws us into the depths of our most authentic lives."
"As It turns out, there is no greater motivation for leaning into loving awareness than knowing everything ends."
Still, she wonders what her life would be like if her father was still alive.
"I wish I could’ve known my Dad. I wish I knew the cadence of his voice, how he liked his coffee or the way it felt to be tucked in after a bedtime story."
"I always wondered if he would’ve caught tadpoles with me during the muggy Washington summers, or if he smelled of Camel Lights & strawberry nesquik (his favorites, I’ve been told)."
But Frances added that only through loss can one truly comprehend how "precious life is."
"But there is also deep wisdom being on an expedited path to understanding how precious life is. He gifted me a lesson in death that can only come through the LIVED experience of losing someone."
"It’s the gift of knowing for certain, when we love ourselves & those around us with compassion, with openness, with grace, the more meaningful our time here inherently becomes."
Frances ended her poignant tribute to her father by sharing lines from a letter he wrote her.
"Kurt wrote me a letter before I was born. The last line of it reads, 'wherever you go or wherever I go, I will always be with you.'"
"He kept this promise because he is present in so many ways. Whether it’s by hearing a song or through the hands we share, in those moments I get to spend a little time with my dad & he feels transcendent. ✨"
Viewers of the post thanked Frances for her heartfelt and touching words.
Her godfather, R.E.M. frontman Michael Stipe, praised her for her perfectly articulated message proving "love is eternal."
"Oh Frances, you possess a grace and glorious wisdom that stops me in my tracks from time to time, and today is most certainly one of those times."
"Love is eternal and this is all the proof we need 🥲🩷🩷 AND I had forgotten about the strawberry nesquik!!!🩷🩷"
@thespacewitch/Instagram
Frances' father-in-law, skateboarding legend Tony Hawk, also commented:
"Thank you for this. You carry his legacy with grace and compassion."
@thespacewitch/Instagram
And others chimed in, expressing their appreciation for Frances' beautifully worded tribute and her perspective on loss.
@thespacewitch/Instagram
@thespacewitch/Instagram
@thespacewitch/Instagram
@thespacewitch/Instagram
@thespacewitch/Instagram
@thespacewitch/Instagram
@thespacewitch/Instagram
@thespacewitch/Instagram
@thespacewitch/Instagram
@thespacewitch/Instagram
Frances finished her post with a message to others experiencing loss:
"To anyone who has wondered what it would’ve looked like to live along side the people they have lost, I’m holding you in my thoughts today."
"The meaning of our grief is the same 🕊️🌅"
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/