Doctors Break Down The Most Obvious Lies A Patient Has Ever Told Them

Hate When That Happens

Patient brought to the ER - was allegedly naked in his bedroom making a salad, when he accidentally sat on an upright cucumber. parrotman41

The condoms keep the veggies fresh. cohrt

"Nice Try, Twerp"

I am not a doctor, but i once heard a little boy tell a nurse that he was bitten by a brontosaurus.

He was obviously lying, because brontosauruses were herbivores.

max

The Current and Obvious Facts Say Otherwise

There is no chance of pregnancy because I've never had sex before (patient is pregnant).

I don't use drugs ever (drug screen is positive for marijuana and/or other substances).

DrFiveLittleMonkeys

"Well, Inside the Hospital Snacks Don't Count."

"I've been sticking to my diet and exercising but my blood sugars are staying high all the time."

Says the diabetic patient who I just saw buy a damn snickers from the vending machine in the waiting room.

yeahnahmaybe26

The Jig's Up

"Do you use cotton buds to clean your ears?"

"No, never, absolutely not, never have, you shouldn't put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear!"

"..... Because there is definitely the end of a cotton bud stuck in your ear.."

"Oh yeah, maybe just this one time.."

Scullllaaaay

Waiving the "Recreational Drug Abuse" Flag

(Trying to weasel a prescription for ADHD medication)

"I have fat-ih-gue."

Fatigue, she was trying to lie about her fatigue.

wdproffitt

"Just Making Sure"

Doc: Do you smoke? Patient: No

D: Do you drink alcohol? P: No

D: Are you lying? P: No

amrie_6

Those Long-Con Tests Will ALWAYS Get Ya

Only a medical student, but we had a patient with tremendous degeneration of the liver, and his blood analysis told us he had been drinking heavily at least the last 6 months, despite being instructed it could definitely destroy what he had left of liver.

Most people still don't know we can check daily alcohol consume in such a long term.

Dologolopolov

"They're Fries, What Was I Supposed to Do?"

"Oh I gave up salt last year for my blood pressure" while literally reaching for her second White Castle slider during our conversation. The cheese fries were gone by then.

squirrleyhooker

At Least Doc Was Cool About It

My parents run a construction store so they have a few other people that are hired to help them.

One day this lady decide she is too lazy to work so she "fainted". People start panicking and bring her to the doctor.

When the doctor tried to open her eyes to see the pupil, she basically rolled her eyes so the doctor couldn't see the pupil. The doctor then kinda poked her telling her to wake up.

1357908642468097531e

As Obvious as it is Problematic

“Every time a patient feigns a seizure (either intentionally or unintentionally) it's a comically bad interpretation of what they think it should look like."

roc_and_roll

The Proof is in the Penis

“'I haven't had sex.' Sorry sir, the syphilitic lesion on the tip of your penis says otherwise." - dagayute

“Someone said my name?" - [deleted]

Pre-CGI Special Effects

“My sister said a kid around 12 came in one day with his dad. The kid had like red marker or something on his wrist and was trying to convince her that it was blood/broken and he got beat up (but beat up the other kids worse)." - AppealToReason16

Here's Hoping the Hospital has Better Technology

"Tests positive for morphine...'I've been eating a ton of poppy seed bagels!'" - cskelly

"A relative of mine played sports at a Division I university. They were not allowed to eat any poppy seed baked goods because they screwed with the drug tests." - aspiegrrrl

A Flesh Wound

"'I'm fine Doc. Just a little scratch.'"

"Me saying this while having blood all over my arm after an accident."

Small_Spiral

You Should See the Other Lie

'I fell and hurt my hand.'

"Yeah, right. It's not called a Boxer's Fracture for nothing."

angmarsilar