A young man who loves a pair of white jeans he bought at a sale has a girlfriend (GF) who does not approve.
Although the GF has never made a homophobic comment before, she told her boyfriend—Redditor "SmtmsIFlIvGt2Thrwawy" – that the white jeans made him "look gay," even though he isn't.
She was not happy when the original poster (OP) busted out his favorite white denim at a bowling party, and with another upcoming bowling event, he is reconsidering his fashion choice.
The OP asked WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) if the controversial denim made a reappearance against his GF's wishes.
"Last year I [M26] got some white jeans in a sale. I was with a friend who encouraged me I looked good and I thought why not."
"My gf  hates them."
"Not long after that we were invited bowling with a group of work friends and someone joked that we should all wear white jeans. I turn up in mine, as does another guy and my girlfriend shoots me daggers all evening."
"Everybody says I look good in them, including her, but her response when I ask her about them is that 'she just hates them.'"
"She hates the concept of them and she let slip once that she doesn't like them because they make me look gay, which I'm not."
He listed only the pros of wearing white jeans and even implied they have a role in his lucky strikes.
"I like wearing them. I think I look good too and wearing them out makes me feel confident, something that actually helped me last time we went bowling as I managed to break my high score."
"I'm competitive and always looking to improve though I'm not suggesting the jeans are a direct cause of this but the boosted confidence is certainly a factor."
"We've been invited bowling again soon so my question is this. WIBTA if I went against my gfs wishes and wore the white jeans with my colleagues again?"
The Reddit floor was open for discussion with many suggesting the OP should keep the pants and toss the GF.
"'Don't wear that, even though you look good, because it makes you look gay and i don't like that.' Homophobia." – xdragonteethstory
"Red flag alert. Keep the pants, throw the whole girlfriend." – Darktwistedlady
Members of the LGBTQ community discussed the ramifications of the homophobic comment.
"Dude she literally used it in a derogatory form. She somehow implied pants alters how others view his sexuality which is nuts. This article is nothing to go by, as a LGBT+ person this is a pretty blanket statement about some queer people." – kuntvonneguts
"Was the comment homophobic? Definitely. Does she need to educate herself about stereotyping? Yes. Is it worth breaking up over? No."
"I am queer myself and she is definitely an AH here, but there isn't enough context here to warrant 'throwing the girlfriend away'. OP also said she has never made homophobic comments before."
"Her comment was stupid but she obviously didn't mean it to be homophobic. I'm saying this as a gay man."
"She's in the wrong (by refusing to talk about what bothers her about it so much), but dumping her is excessive." – DFtin
"I disagree. As a bi dude, there's no way to 'look gay.' When straight people think they have this knowledge of whose gay and who isn't based on appearance alone, I'd definitely say they need to rework their notion."
"Also, the fact that she's mad about him 'looking gay' says a lot. It might not be right in your face, but its still kinda homophobic." – roadhoggin
We are all entitled to our opinion.
However people did not give the GF an easy pass.
"It's okay to not like your partner's outfit. It's not okay to demand them change their style, and a red flag if they don't let it go but get mad."
"OPs girlfriend only care because she worry what people will think of HER - OP said he don't mind. That's entitled af and a huge red flag."
"If I was OP I'd watch out for more entitled & self-centred behaviour, if this is a pattern I'd seriously reconsider if that's something I'm willing to live with." – Darktwistedlady
"Also, she doesn't like the pants because they 'make him look gay.' Clearly he's with her for a reason, so it smacks of insecurity and implies that there's something wrong with looking/being gay in her eyes." – remybaby
So what are the characteristics that make clothing "too gay?"
"Homophobia aside I'm finding it really hard to imagine a pair of jeans that would make someone look gay. Are there two big holes cut out over the ass cheeks exposing his 'I heart cock' tattoo?" – Half-pint13
"Good men's fashion equates to gay for some people. It's stupid." – mcbrybry
It could be that the GF was downplaying her insecurities.
"I'm wondering if it's just that they make him look good / are actually extremely flattering on him and she really f'king insecure and worried that someone's gonna hit on him."
"And then threw out the 'it makes you look gay' line as just another attempt to get OP to not want to wear them." – BulletproofVendetta
This user downplayed homophobia by explaining her husband's affinity for white jeans provoking interest from gay men was an incessant problem.
"Look, my husband has a pair of white jeans that I also hate. And the reason is because people think he is gay."
"This is problem because I get tired of explaining I am his wife and not his beard, haha! Last time this happened we had to leave because dudes wouldn't leave him alone and told me I was a liar."
"It's not necessarily homophobic, I just want my husband to be my husband, and not be constantly hit on by dudes downtown." – crvna87
Or it could be a question of who wears it better.
"Lets be real - GF probably has a pair too and is just jealous that OP pulls his off better." – duffman13jws
The thread delved a little deeper with this question about gender reversal.
"NTA. I bet those white jeans would look great with a rainbow belt."
"Seriously though, if it was a story about a guy trying to control what his girlfriend wore, it would be an immediate red flag for most people, right? Is this any different?" – mosslegs
"to be fair... if the genders were flipped or some guy said something similar to a girl, people might be flipping out. lol NTA tho." – Chococow280
Reddit wouldn't be Reddit without some major snark.
"Find her favorite piece of clothing that she feels confident in and tell her she looks like a lesbian when she wears it."
"Then shoot daggers at her whenever she does wear it. Pretend to be nice in front of your friends of course, but make sure to go off on her the minute you're alone." – ellastory
Maybe it's white jeans PTSD.
"Perhaps a gay man wearing bright white pants stole her candy when she was a baby."
"And she hasn't recuperated since. Now she can't see a piece of candy, or a pair of bright white pants without erupting into an emotional fit of rage." – ellastory
It just sounds like she wants to be the one wearing the pants in this relationship.