Skip to content
Search AI Powered

Latest Stories

Woman Caught Trespassing At CIA Headquarters Asking To Speak To 'Agent Penis'

Jennifer Hernandez, 58, may be a completely normal woman who's simply the victim of a vast misunderstanding. T

hat does seem unlikely, however, after she tried four times to gain entrance to CIA Headquarters in Langley, Virginia, trying to find a certain "Agent Penis."



Ms. Hernandez first tried to gain entrance on April 22, but was stopped while walking through the building's vehicle entrance.

She claimed she had an appointment with her recruiting officer in the building.

When no record of the appointment could be found, officers warned Hernandez she would be arrested for trespassing if she didn't leave. She walked away without incident.

On May 1, however, she returned in a Lyft.

This time, Hernandez was given a written warning and sent on her way.

A day later, on May 2, Hernandez decided an Uber might work a little better. It did not. She apparently told officers that her phone was off and that she was here to "speak to her recruiter."

This time, Hernandez was questioned by the police before being released.

But that didn't stop her from coming back on May 3! To be fair, she reportedly came to pick up her North Carolina ID card, which she'd left behind.

While she was in the building, however, Hernandez decided to up the ante one step further, asking to speak with "Agent Penis."

Ah, the elusive Agent Penis! Unable to connect her with any such individual, officers escorted Hernandez to a bus stop and waited for the bus to arrive.

When it finally did, however, she refused to board, saying:

"I am not leaving."

Hernandez got her wish! She was arrested and charged with misdemeanor trespassing.

Authorities would later transfer her to the Alexandria city jail.


Twitter couldn't help but laugh at the whole story.




The true mystery, of course, is what happened to Agent Penis? Why wasn't he at CIA Headquarters?

Agent Penis, you truly are a wily one. Hopefully he'll be able to save Hernandez before it's too late!

More from Trending

Donald Trump
Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Trump Blasted For Announcing New Additions To The White House Lawn As Global Tensions Escalate

President Donald Trump was criticized after announcing that two new flagpoles would be added to the North and South Lawns of the White House—not the greatest look amid heightened global unease as tensions between Israel and Iran ramp up.

According to the Associated Press, Trump watched as a crane installed the newest flagpole on the South Lawn, remarking, “It’s such a beautiful pole.” He later returned to the site to salute as the American flag was raised for the first time.

Keep ReadingShow less
Screenshots of Donald Trump from CNN supercut
CNN

Trump Mocked For 'Two Weeks' Iran Deadline With Supercut Of All His 'Two Weeks' Promises

President Donald Trump has a history of promising to resolve problems within "two weeks," and a new viral supercut mocks him for all the times he's said as much—including right now with tensions in the Middle East higher than ever.

Trump said Thursday he will decide within two weeks whether to involve U.S. forces directly in the escalating conflict between Israel and Iran, citing what he called a “substantial chance” for renewed nuclear negotiations with Tehran.

Keep ReadingShow less
red flag with pole on seashore
Seoyeon Choi on Unsplash

People Break Down The 'Silent Red Flags' Folks Tend To Ignore In Relationships

A red flag has come to mean any warning sign in life, in addition to the literal red flags that are placed on beaches or industrial sites to warn people of danger.

People will respond to situations by saying, "That’s a red flag." But before that language evolved, they'd just call them "warning signs."

Keep ReadingShow less
Ted Cruz; Tucker Carlson
The Tucker Carlson Show

Tucker Carlson And Ted Cruz Get Into Shouting Match Over Iran In Bonkers Interview Clip

Texas Republican Senator Ted Cruz—a harsh Donald Trump critic-turned-MAGA minion—sat down with fired Fox News personality Tucker Carlson for the conservative influencer's self-produced online content,The Tucker Carlson Show, for the Tucker Carlson Network.

On Tuesday, Carlson shared a 1.5-minute clip revealing that things got contentious when the pair touched on the Trump administration's escalating tensions with Iran.

Keep ReadingShow less
Donald Trump; Barack Obama
Suzanne Plunkett-Pool/Getty Images; Scott Olson/Getty Images

Resurfaced Trump Tweet Criticizing Obama Over Iran Comes Back To Bite Him

Amid tensions with Iran, President Donald Trump was criticized for hypocrisy after social media users resurfaced a 2013 tweet in which he accused former President Barack Obama of planning an attack on Iran because of his "inability to negotiate properly."

Trump has declined to clarify whether the U.S. is edging closer to launching strikes on Iran’s nuclear facilities, following a warning from Iran’s supreme leader against any attack and a rejection of Trump’s demand for surrender.

Keep ReadingShow less