Jennifer Hernandez, 58, may be a completely normal woman who's simply the victim of a vast misunderstanding. T
hat does seem unlikely, however, after she tried four times to gain entrance to CIA Headquarters in Langley, Virginia, trying to find a certain "Agent Penis."
NEW: Police arrest North Carolina woman accused of making three attempts to trespass on the grounds of CIA headqua… https://t.co/gNdMSLfd9p— Scott MacFarlane (@Scott MacFarlane) 1557162385.0
Ms. Hernandez first tried to gain entrance on April 22, but was stopped while walking through the building's vehicle entrance.
She claimed she had an appointment with her recruiting officer in the building.
@nypost Weird. That always works for me.— Jeff Stout (@Jeff Stout) 1557197155.0
When no record of the appointment could be found, officers warned Hernandez she would be arrested for trespassing if she didn't leave. She walked away without incident.
On May 1, however, she returned in a Lyft.
This time, Hernandez was given a written warning and sent on her way.
@MacFarlaneNews @willmenaker her: https://t.co/PX1WXJkJb5— Autumn Green (@Autumn Green) 1557184465.0
A day later, on May 2, Hernandez decided an Uber might work a little better. It did not. She apparently told officers that her phone was off and that she was here to "speak to her recruiter."
This time, Hernandez was questioned by the police before being released.
@nypost BALLsy move!— Jodeci888 (@Jodeci888) 1557186825.0
But that didn't stop her from coming back on May 3! To be fair, she reportedly came to pick up her North Carolina ID card, which she'd left behind.
While she was in the building, however, Hernandez decided to up the ante one step further, asking to speak with "Agent Penis."
@nypost Did she ever find him tho?— Hard like an erection. (@Hard like an erection.) 1557206032.0
Ah, the elusive Agent Penis! Unable to connect her with any such individual, officers escorted Hernandez to a bus stop and waited for the bus to arrive.
When it finally did, however, she refused to board, saying:
"I am not leaving."
@nbcwashington @TheOnion cannot compete with today’s news.— Imma BFD (@Imma BFD) 1557220355.0
Hernandez got her wish! She was arrested and charged with misdemeanor trespassing.
Authorities would later transfer her to the Alexandria city jail.
@MacFarlaneNews She’ll probably enjoy the penal system though...— Brendan (@Brendan) 1557189732.0
@MacFarlaneNews @BrettRedacted Good thing this one is zipped up.— Justin Hendrix (@Justin Hendrix) 1557162629.0
Twitter couldn't help but laugh at the whole story.
@MacFarlaneNews Those meddling kids— John V Bowen (@John V Bowen) 1557167467.0
@MacFarlaneNews Mightier than Agent Sword— Adrian Hutchins (@Adrian Hutchins) 1557175064.0
@MacFarlaneNews @blakehounshell FREE THIS WOMAN— Maggie💕Dean (@Maggie💕Dean) 1557165162.0
@MacFarlaneNews You can’t make this stuff up! 🤣— Penny Nichols (@Penny Nichols) 1557232660.0
The true mystery, of course, is what happened to Agent Penis? Why wasn't he at CIA Headquarters?
Agent Penis, you truly are a wily one. Hopefully he'll be able to save Hernandez before it's too late!