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Bride Left Fuming After Groom's Friend Refuses To Attend Wedding Last-Minute Because It Isn't In A Church

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I'm sure off the top of your head, you can think of all kinds of stories, either in your life or read online, about brides and grooms going crazy.

They start demanding too much from their guests or throw tantrums over their special day.


Well good news! We have a new story for you about a guest being unreasonable!

Over on Reddit's r/weddingshaming board, a bride to be had enough of one of her groom's friends and shared her story.

It's understandable if you can't go to a wedding. It's less understandable when you try to shame someone for it.

r/weddingshaming, u/PowPopBang


The post explains that a week before the big day, when everything is set and paid for, her fiancé's friend, Terry (not his real name) decided he isn't going.

"That's it, I'm guest shaming."
"F***ing fuming right now. My wedding is a week from today -- food has been paid for, the seating chart is done, etc."
"Today, my fiance gets a text from one of his friends who had previously RSVPed that he and his wife were coming to the wedding. The text said something along the line of "we need to talk ASAP." Pretty ominous, right? So my fiance meets up with his friend."

Things happen, we understand.

But Terry has a talk with her groom to explain why he isn't going. Apparently, he just can't reconcile the fact they aren't getting married in a church.

Um, what?

"For context, this particular friend (let's call him Terry) is super, SUPER Catholic and possibly the most religious person I've ever met. I consider myself to be Christian, my fiance is atheist and we're having a secular wedding."
"So my fiance meets up with Terry who immediately tells him that he has decided not to come to the wedding for moral/religious reasons. Evidently, our wedding is "sacrilegious" and "not valid" because we're not having it in a church."
"He had apparently been wrestling with the idea of attending our "fake" wedding and talked to his priest about it over dinner. The priest told him not to go, and also told him about a woman who he (the priest) advised not to attend her OWN SISTER'S wedding because it also wasn't being held in a church."
"Terry then attempted to convert my fiance. It did not work."

Don't get me wrong.

In your religion, your choices are important for you. However if you do or don't have a relationship with a deity is a personal thing. But this?

What can I say but, "Yikes"?

"As a Catholic, I apologize for this complete and utter bulls***. Congratulations on your very valid marriage." - jkthf
"Same. Terry's being a pompous papist poop." - RadioSupply
"Honestly sounds like you dodged a bullet in that one." - Cometguy7

I kind of feel like this wouldn't have been an issue if it weren't for the fact Terry just has to tell them their wedding is "sacrilegious" and "not valid."

Also, what kind of priest would tell someone not to go to a wedding because it's fake?

It's not fake. Non-Catholic marriages are just non-sacramental which is usually only a big deal if you're Catholic yourself.

So we've established that Terry made a big mistake, with bad advice from his priest. How can it get worse?

Oh, and then Terry tries to convert the groom.

Would anyone else like to share?

"I got a text from my childhood friend of 20 years 4 days before my wedding in July. She and her husband had been separated and I had been supporting her through it because I love her dearly. Apparently through reading the bible she gained a new perspective on Jesus and his teachings about divorce and remarriage that told her she could no longer support me by going to my wedding as this is a second marriage for both my husband and myself 🤦♀️.
I miss her but can't forgive her for sending that message days before my wedding when we saw and spoke to each other often.
People suck." - Juiceboxesncrayolas
"So my dad had a catholic friend he met in college. Were friends for ages. Eventually my mom and dad are gonna get married in the the Episcopalian church she grew up going to. Friend has an issue because he's worried about attending a protestant service. Eventually he talks to his priest about but it. Priest tells friend not to worry about it because it's protestant and that means it's not a real service anyway. :/" - iUseMyMainForPorn
"I'm from a Catholic family and decided not to get married in church. My Mum told me she wouldn't come, as well as a whole bunch of other very hurtful things (she changed her mind with a couple of weeks to go).
The fact is the church is pretty clear on this stuff: it isn't a binding marriage in their eyes, priests shouldn't give communion to people who married outside the church etc. For me it was a lesson in how fundamental the church is if you actually follow the rules. So many catholics are Moderate / liberal which means they turn a blind eye to the letter of the law, but if you ask a priest or read the doctrine you'll find how incompatible the church's teachings are with what we generally consider to be normal values in a modern society.
Your position sucks to be in, but I wish you a wonderful wedding and a long and happy marriage x
" - SwissJAmes

I will admit, this feels like an overreaction. If this happened to me and my fiancé, we'd probably just share the story anonymously with close friends, rather than the whole internet.

Then again, something similar hasn't happened to me yet, so I could be wrong. And the stress of planning a wedding certainly doesn't help how you'd handle this kind of insult.

So when it does happen, you have to find a way to cope.

Try looking on the bright side!

"Sounds like you'll have two more last-minute invites open." - ParmaHamRadio
"Good point!" - PowPopBang
"At least you know now what kind of person he (and his partner) really are. And you and your fiancé can be married and live a new life without them. New life, new friends." - Hyphylife
"Got any cousins who would like a +1?" - Karmometer
"Haha! We're letting our officiant (friend of the family) bring his daughter and her husband." - PowPopBang

There's a lot of planning that goes into a wedding, and it's really easy for it to be disrupted. Though if something goes really wrong, at least you get a good story out of it.

I'd recommend if you plan on not attending, just tell the couple, preferably as soon as you can, rather than wait until a week before the wedding.

The book Modern Brides & Modern Grooms: A Guide to Planning Straight, Gay, and Other Nontraditional Twenty-First-Century Weddings is available here.

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