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The proverb "It takes a village to raise a child" means an entire community of people must "provide for and interact positively with children for those children to experience and grow in a safe and healthy environment."
It also implies children—or adults—that don't get that kind of support will have negative impacts on the community that neglected them.
The proverb is often attributed to the African continent by Western writers, but there are no "African" proverbs.
There are 54 countries recognized by the United Nations in Africa with over 3,000 different tribes and ethnic groups and an equal number of languages. Versions of the proverb appear in the Nyoro, Haya, Jita and Swahili—dialects of the Bantu language family—and found primarily in the East African countries of Ethiopia, Tanzania and Kenya.
In 1994 and 1996, English language books were published in the United States by children's author Jane Cowen-Fletcher and former First Lady, Senator and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton using the proverb in their titles.
The same East African region has a related cautionary proverb about the dangers of not getting community support or validation.
Reddit user WANACWaac asked:
"What 'A child that is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth' story do you have?"
Hometown Crowd
"There was the guy who shared his 'nuclear revenge' story about being ostracized by his entire town, I think because he was born out of wedlock."
"After getting out of there became an inspector of some kind. Eventually he was given a list of factories that needed reviewing and one needed to close."
"The factory in his hometown was on the list."
"He goes there, inspects, and they act all buddy buddy thinking they're safe from closure."
"Boy were threy wrong! Every infraction, breach of safety, incorrect anything went into his report."
"The whole town basically was built around that factory and when it shut down the town was desolate and dead within a few years."
~ foreverafanofmany
D-I-V-O-R-C-E
"Not a village burned, but a woman’s job and marriage."
"When I was in elementary I was forced to be in the 'mainstreamed' music class instead of the 'assisted'—used to be called 'special education—class for years."
"Even after my mom and both of my therapists requested I get put in the assisted class for sensory reasons. I’m autistic and had sensory overloads daily in this class."
"The teacher said I was lying to them and she always did quiet activities when someone sat in on the class so they couldn't see my reaction. So I suffered every Monday and Wednesday I had school from when I was four to when I was ten."
"But then I went to middle school and life moved on. I still loved music so I tried to join choir."
"I was denied for two years, but got in when I was 12. I’m a pretty good singer and had no other extracurricular activities so I began helping the choir director."
"Eventually he asks me if his daughter, who’s also autistic, could be good with music like I was. He says her music teacher in elementary school says she’s terrible with music and throws tantrums in class."
"I say she’s most likely not having tantrum, but instead having a sensory overload because 30 8-year-olds playing the recorder at once is Hell for an autistic person. Other than a few other questions about his daughter, it’s the last I hear of this elementary school music class."
"A couple years later I’m bringing my mom lunch in my old high school—she works there as an assisted class teacher—and I see my old choir director and his daughter. We catch up and eventually they leave to get lunch together and I chat with my mom."
"She says 'you know, you’re one of the reasons he divorced his wife'. I’m like 'What‽‽'."
"And she explains that his ex-wife was the elementary school music teacher. When I said elementary school music class is sensory Hell, he found out she doesn’t believe autism exists."
"She thinks you can fix neurodivergent kids by making them so uncomfortable they 'become normal'. Not a good attitude for the mom of an autistic kid."
"She also refused to take a course on how to teach mainstreamed special needs kids, so she also lost her job. No regrets."
~ Rei-o-Sunshine
Family Owned And Operated
"A guy I went to high school with burned all the bridges with his entire family."
"We weren't best friends, more of a friend of a friend type of situation, so my info is a lot of hearsay. But I do know some things for certain."
"He was the middle child, with an older sister and a younger brother. His parents had owned a diner and it had been in his family for a few generations."
"It was an unspoken rule that the kids of each generation would help out when they were little, and eventually take it over to keep it in the family. The problem was none of them wanted anything to do with it."
"It was the easiest way to set him off—even mentioning the diner would have him go from 0-100 real quick. This didn't stop either of his parents though."
"They would 'joke' about how the kids didn't need to worry about college, or moving away, because of that would be 'taken care of' when they ran the diner full time for the rest of their lives."
"The sister being the oldest, was the first one really pressured into it, but he and his younger brother told her to get out and don't look back and don't let their parents guilt trip her. So she did, and goes to college on a sports scholarship and then moves a few states away."
"She occasionally visits, but more or less left the town in her rearview mirror. Then it was his turn, but unfortunately he didn't have the money to get away, so his parents tell him to go to community college and work at the diner to save money."
"This is where the issues started."
"The younger brother doesn't go to college, but decides to go couch surfing and backpacking across the country for a few years. Occasionally coming back to work for a few weeks when he needed the money, only to take off again."
"So my friend gets left running the place, despite swearing he never would. I'd see him around sometimes at bars, and he was a bitter shell of his former self with a bad drinking problem and a series of failed relationships."
"His parents didn't seem to care that their son was a depressed alcoholic, so long as their family legacy stayed intact. He confided in me how they were pushing him to get married and give them grandkids, to settle down and let go of his silly dreams of starting over doing something he loves when he has the diner."
"Which, given how sh*tfaced he was in nearly every interaction I had with him, it's impressive he was able to run it. His sister and brother couldn't be bothered to come down and help. In fact, they started to agree with the parents that he should just cut his losses and make this diner life work for him."
"One day he drops off the face of the earth. Nobody sees or hears from him for 3 weeks. His parents say he went on a vacation, but they also hadn't heard from him."
"Then suddenly he's back in town, seemingly in much better spirits, looking healthier than we had seen him in years. About two months later, the diner is torn down and replaced with some other business."
"As it turns out, his girlfriend at the time gave him an ultimatum. Quit the drinking and go to therapy or they're done."
"So he does and the therapist points out the obvious things causing his depression and says he should take a vacation and figure out what else he wants to do with his life. He went to Las Vegas, partied for 2 weeks..."
"After getting it out of his system, he devises a plan to sell the diner and pocket the money for himself. Everything was put in his name as the owner anyway, so it was pretty easy."
"He took the best offer he could get and used that money to leave town. The brother and sister didn't get a dime and the parents were already retired."
"He moved to the other side of the country with his now wife and we follow each other on social media. He seems much happier."
"Apparently he hasn't spoken a word to his family in years, nor they to him, and he doesn't intend to start."
~ SUPERB-OWL45
Not Your 401K
"My bio parents lost custody of me due to addictions and neglect. I was adopted as a young teenager by a woman who ended up being emotionally manipulative and verbally cruel, but I was supposed to be thankful because she 'pulled me out of the gutter and gave me opportunities' in her mind."
"She's an extravagant spender and has blown through TWO large inheritances and a divorce settlement, years of alimony. She refused to get a job even though she holds multiple master's degrees related to a desirable career field."
"She used the school loans to continue funding her lifestyle and only went to school to get out of working. She never saved for retirement despite having the means and opportunity to do so."
"Growing up, she always told me I would just be a drug addicted drop out. I suspect that her bio children were her retirement plan because she told them to marry rich and pushed them into what she thought would be lucrative degrees."
"It was a classic scapegoat/golden children scenario. She never fathomed that of all her kids, it would be me that broke 6 figures+ after having landed a great career."
"Too bad for her that I cut her off 7 years ago and never looked back. She's now in her 60s having to start over financially. Her children don't make enough to support her and I won't contribute."
The $2 Difference
"I worked as an audio visual technician for 6 years. I was making $15/hour. I would sometimes run a crew of 15 people and tell them how to set/strike a room. Even trained the new hires in the same position as me."
"Later I find out the two new hires I’ve been training the past two years were making $17/hour. That’s 2 dollars more than what I was making."
"I wrote a 10 page email to the company’s district director on why I was leaving. I put in my 2 weeks notice just as we were about to hit one of our busiest seasons."
"Heard the clients were pissed that everything was in shambles and they lost contracts. Should have treated me better."
"My first new job offer after I left was $42/hour starting pay. I’m now a video specialist/camera operator."
"Scary to think I would have been stuck at my old job if they just paid me $2 more."
"Everything worked out for the better."
~ TheKidfromHotaru
Enablers
"A kid who was relentlessly bullied at my school for years sued the district and got an upper-figure settlement."
"He had years of documentation of going to the principal, teachers, counselors, even the superintendent. They all either did nothing or made empty promises that they didn't keep."
"He had documentation for it all."
"The worst was when the lacrosse team intimately assaulted him with a lacrosse stick not once, but twice and the only consequence was one of the kids being suspended for 2 days."
"I should also add that this isn't a rural school in the Deep South. It's a suburban school located in a liberal part of New York."
~ spoilerdudegetrekt
Take This Job And...
"I worked as a line cook at a steakhouse restaurant when I was in college. The chef I worked for was a complete a**hole."
"He would constantly physically and mentally abuse us when sh*t hit the fan, deny all of our time off requests, sometimes even throw perfectly cooked food away to prove the food we cooked looked like 'garbage' and demand we make it again."
"He'd guilt trip us into coming in to work sick instead of calling out. We were constantly short staffed and our turnover was very high. I had to convince a lot of workers to stay and tough it out as our chef didn't seem to care if we were fully staffed or not."
"Sometimes I had to train the new hires myself as the chef refused to leave his office and do 'work'."
"I requested a weekend off so I could attend my uncle's out of town funeral. I told him ahead of time that one of my coworkers was gonna cover for me while I'm gone. He approved it."
"As I was about to board my flight, I saw I got a ton of missed calls and text messages from my chef screaming about why am I not at work. He told me to cancel my flight and come back to the restaurant."
"I snapped. I called him to tell him that someone was going to cover for me for the 2 days I'm gone and I'm already boarding the flight and told my relatives I'm on my way. My chef told me the guy quit so now he has nobody covering for me."
"I told him I quit, hung up, blocked his number, sent a mass text to all my coworkers telling them that I just quit and they're welcome to leave as well, then I boarded my flight."
"When I landed, I got a lot of texts from my coworkers that they all walked out and the chef was forced to close the restaurant early due to 'technical issues'. I f*cking laughed and felt a huge sense of relief knowing karma has struck."
"A couple months after I quit, my friend/former coworker told me the restaurant was closing and going through 'new management'. It reopened as a different restaurant and our old chef was fired and now works as a manager at a Chili's."
"I havent heard from him since I quit."
~ HellaPNoying
Literal Arson
"A kid I went to high school with pleaded guilty to attempted arson of his foster parents' home in a desperate attempt to escape the household. I knew his brother well, he was the drummer in the band I was in and we always practiced at his house."
"It always worried me that they had way too many foster kids and it felt almost like a potentially malicious intent was there."
"Nothing criminal followed after he got out of juvie. He’s married now and works really hard and is having a much better time in life."
~ SabotageFusion1
Defying Expectations
"One of my friends in high school was a major overachiever. Stayed at school or work as much as possible, to the point where he may have spent an hour or less at home a day while not sleeping."
"He would always deflect questions about his home life, but confided in me that it was bad. Calling him the black sheep of the family would be a major understatement."
"His family had some money, not multimillionaire, but better off than most. They told him from elementary school on he would always be useless and never amount to anything."
"He is making bank now after college and finding a bomb job with a big pharmaceutical company. Meanwhile his father's company, that has been in the family for a few generations, got picked apart by the government."
"'Someone' tipped them off that he was lying on taxes, hiring undocumented immigrants to pay them next to nothing, hiding OSHA violations, and much more. As the dust was settling and the damage was really being seen, my buddy drove to his former family home and dropped off a file."
"The same file he gave to an attorney who gave it to the government and only said to his family, 'who won’t amount to anything?'."
~ fireice1992
Pool Party
"A pastor I lived next to constantly berated a kid in my class about everything from his hair length to him not fully embracing the 'word of the lord'."
"So the kid routinely went into the pastor's backyard along with several of his friends and defecate in his pool. They'd also throw roadkill they found in there."
"Honestly, I don't even blame the kid. That pastor was judgmental AF and no one liked him."
Waiting Game
"For 53 years, my father gaslit me and always made me feel like someday he would decide to be a real father. King of broken promises."
"Well, he's in his 80s and has Parkinson's and is married to a terrible woman. I no longer help him or my stepmother in their old age because they are such terrible people."
"Now they have to find other people to give them rides, to lift heavy things, to listen to their doctors, to go shopping for them, to fill their prescriptions, etc..."
"I also informed my stepmother that the day my father dies and while she is picking out a casket, I will march into the IRS to report her for committing tax fraud with my father for decades."
"There is no statute of limitations and I want her to sweat every time she hears him cough, sneeze, or moan."
~ Commercial-Ad-852
No One Notices What I Do Until I Don't Do It
"I was lied to by HR, and it led to me not getting a promotion. I had been routinely doing work above my pay grade, and outside of the scope of my job, so I just stopped doing the extra."
"They basically put themselves in a position where multiple departments relied on some of the tools I created by my own initiative because they happily used my work, but didn't want to pay me for it or give me any credit."
"The scheduling document literally needed to be made once a month in order to keep functioning. But no one was willing to learn how because they assumed I'd always do it."
"So I messed up the Excel codes I made for them that saved managers 6 hours a day."
"The Excel document automation wasn't something I was asked to do. I did it because having the managers free from busy work made everyone else's job easier."
"I also stopped correcting mistakes I knew would get us high regulatory fines since it wasn't technically my job. Then I quit."
"700k in fines, nobody trained to do the scheduling, department without anyone to run it, and additional work for the managers was the damage I left in my wake."
"I started getting calls to help them fix it. I'm sure you can imagine how well that went for them."
"This was years ago. It wasn't some mom and pop shop that got hit with this. This was a multimillion dollar company."
~ Ouija429
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia—Jan Brady Syndrome
"One of my friends from elementary school is the stereotypical middle child—his brother is 11 years older and his sister is 5 years younger. So of course he faces all the actual consequences for his other siblings' actions."
"Rules he didn't like or need because of his actions were enforced because of stuff his older brother did when he was a kid. If his sister did something stupid or broke the rules he had to follow, it was his fault because he should've stopped her."
"His wants and needs were never the priority. If he wanted money, the answer was no because it was needed for his brother in college. If he wanted friends to come over, the answer was no because his sister already, always had friends coming over."
"He had to wear his brothers old clothes, but of course his sister got new clothes. You get the picture."
"When he was 16, he went out on a late night food run and while waiting in the drive-thru someone rear ended him pretty hard and does a not insignificant amount of damage to his parents' car."
"The other driver takes full responsibility and offers to pay for the repairs. Just an unfortunate accident."
"Well his parents revoked his car privileges. Because he got in an accident, and they had a no accidents rule—didn't matter that it wasn't his fault unlike his older brother's multiple accidents that never got his car privileges taken away."
"But after seeing what happened with his brother, they 'knew better' now."
"So he told them that if they took away his car privileges, he would never help them with anything for the rest of his life. They grounded him for saying that and still wouldn't allow him to drive there car again."
"That was about a decade ago and he has never once given them anything since then. No money, no car, not even housing—he literally made his parents get a hotel once instead of letting them stay at his house."
"He said he would forgive them if they apologized for how they treated him compared to his siblings. To my knowledge they have never apologized for anything."
"His sister—who is about 21 now—was involved in an accident a few years back where she *was* at fault. Their parents not only paid for the repairs to her car, but are still helping her pay for her car insurance now."
~ Playingpokerwithgod
Some people enacted minor acts of payback, while others proverbially or literally burned things to the ground.
Hopefully it helps these people heal the harm they felt.
Do you have any examples of an outcast's revenge?