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The field of marine biology made a major discovery recently: For the first time ever, scientists observed two humpback whales having sex and they just so happened to both be males, and this groundbreaking observation—
Oh who cares! Whales are gay and they have gay sex the gay way just like "sinful," "unnatural" human gays! Take that conservatives!!!
But in all seriousness...
Scientists made this major discovery after researchers Lyle Krannichfeld and Brandi Romano saw two male humpback whales circling their boat before diving under the water to do their thing.
It's the first time such behavior has ever been observed, so naturally the internet has been keenly interested in this breakthrough—because it's hilarious.
They are called "humpbacks" after all.
The jokes write themselves, and that's before we even found out that humpback whales have up to 10-foot-long penises. And you thought your gay bestie was a size queen!
Now of course this is far from the first time animals have been observed pairing up with members of the same sex—homosexuality has been documented in all sorts of species, from birds to mammals and many other aquatic animals, including other kinds of whales.
Obviously animals don't deal with the various social and political aspects of being queer, or whatever the word is for LGBTQ+ humpback whales (we want to be inclusive!), but Twitter sure had a field day pretending they do.
And the jokes about these humpbacks and their gay sexcapades were priceless.
So in the male gay world we've already got bears and otters. Now we have whales, which is obviously a very tall, hairless gay man with a monster johnson.
You heard it hear first. Science!