oh-myyy-ribbon

In a world where everyone can be filmed in an embarrassing way at any given time, asserting yourself is a bit of a rarity. Imagine something awful happening, or someone trying to rip you off, and instead of just letting it slide you call them out on it. That feeling of euphoria and power would last forever. Power. Move. And as long as you're alert, those moments can come out of anywhere.


Reddit user, u/Akilonn2 , must have wanted to feel inspired when they asked:

What are the best power moves you've ever seen someone do in real life?

What's Yours Is Mine Now

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I asked my friend's 3 year old son who his new girlfriend was.

He said it was my girlfriend.

insanecrazy4

Pants? Not A Problem.

I was at a party in college. One of my friends was chatting up some girl he was into. Another one of our friends went up and pants him - pants and boxers.

My dude didn't freak out, or break conversation flow. He just stood there daffy-ducking with zero f-cks given.

And that man got laid that night.

Ganglebot

Let Me Just Tap Myself Off

At a bar, not particularly busy, bartender was talking to some girl across bar, ignoring everybody else who was trying to get drinks.

10 minutes go by, still chatting, guy reaches across bar and fills himself up from tap.

Somatose-

Don't Test Me, Professor

My father told me this story. He had a friend that took philosophy class and they were discussing authority. The teacher made an example: "If I say, the class is over you can leave, you will do it. But if Mark says the same thing you will stay here."

After that Mark stood up and said the class was over they could leave AND EVERY STUDENT LEFT THE ROOM.

He_Schizophreniac

Just Following Your Rules...

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this kid from my class in high school was too late for physics class. when he entered the class the teacher said "when you are too late you know you are not supposed to enter that door, Jacob".

So, this happened on a summer day, and the fire exit-door was open... after ten minutes we hear this walking sound on the metal steps of the emergency stairs outside. We had class in room 403, the fourth floor. After a while we all see Jacob entering the room from the fire exit like nothing happened and sit down.

thisisBigToe

No, We're Done Here

I was meeting up with my friends at the bar. They had all been there for a while and comprised about 90% of the bar's business. When I walked in the hostess decided I was going to be the first one charged a cover fee for entry. I told her I wasn't there for their event and just wanted to sit with my friends already at the bar. She told me tough luck basically and that I would have to pay.

I yelled over to my friends she wouldn't let me in without paying and they all just stood up and left so we could go to our favorite bar instead. Was only like a $5 or $10 doller cover, and instead of getting it they lost the majority of their current business (about 7 people total, all of whom drink more than they should). My friends made me look like a boss, but it wouldn't have been a power move without them.

I'm lucky to have a great group that has each other's back.

LetYourLoveShow

My Buddies Against Yours

Driving somewhere with my brother in the middle of the night. Stop at the gas station, kid runs up to the car as we're going to drive away, my brother rolls down the window. Kid asks my brother to buy him smokes, my brother tells him straight to f-ck off. Kid tells my brother to f-ck off for disrespecting him, and that he "best drive off like a b-tch or him and his buddies will beat us like the p--sies we are". Some sh-t like that.

My brother says some sh-t like, "Oh sorry 'sir', I guess I need my buddies then" and flashes his badge at the kid.

Kid's eyes went huge and he ran.

billbapapa

Enjoy My Fart Cloud

My boyfriend's 5-year-old niece was sitting on my lap. Her 7-year-old brother wanted to sit on my lap, so she farted on me and was like "guess you'll have to sit in my fart cloud, now."

fwooby_pwow

Huh...People Appreciate The Chase, I Guess

Dropped my son at preschool early with breakfast. Only other kids there was a girl eating her breakfast at one end of the table. She bats her eyes and says, "You can sit by me."

He says, "I like this seat over here," at the other end of the table.

And she got up and moved.

nevermind-stet

Teach 'Em Early

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One of my friends' daughters has hearing aids (they're similar to the ones old people use, but with an extra piece on them? They're not the ones that are attached to your head.). If someone is bothering her and she doesn't want to deal with them, she pulls her hearing aids out and keeps doing whatever she was doing.

This girl is eight.

partofbreakfast

H/T: Reddit

Flash Forward

Had a friend walk up to a girl at a party and say "you are the hottest girl here and I am the best looking guy. We belong together." He took her home and they are married now. She was the hottest girl there, it's debatable on him.

Tratopolous

Tips Please

Was at a Mexican restaurant on Cinco de Mayo. Place was absolutely packed, yet somehow there were only like 2, maybe 3 waiters on staff. We'd been there like 40 minutes and had drinks, but still hadn't gotten to order food.

This dude at the next table stands up, starts taking peoples orders and delivering them to the kitchen. The other waiters seemed liked they really appreciated it, because people were starting to get pissed until that point. He didn't take my table's order but he took one nearby and he sounded pretty fun. A friend ran into him a few months ago and said he's really cool.

bcrabill

The restaurant made the power play here. They made their service so bad that they managed to get a free server

smits017

Patience

I was at a 24hr grocery store once around 10 or 11pm. I'm 2nd in line waiting at the only cash register in the store, and there were no employees to be seen. Not even the stock team. We ring the bell for service, yell out "HELLOOOO," even walk around looking for an employee... nothing.

Finally after 10ish minutes the guy in front of me says "f--- this" and just walks out with a full cart of groceries. Got away with the whole thing! An employee showed up not even a minute later and no one in line said a word.

sazzcass

And if the cashier dies in the middle of your transaction you get free groceries for the semester.

ohne_hosen

Shipwreck

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I was once on a US military ship, having breakfast in the wardroom (officers lounge) when the Operations Officer (OPS) walks in. This guy was the definition of NOT a morning person; he's still half asleep, bleary eyed... basically a zombie with a bagel. He sits down across from me to eat his bagel and is just barely conscious. My back is to the outboard side of the ship, and the morning sun is blazing in one of the portholes putting a big bright-ass circle of light right on his barely conscious face. He's squinting and chewing and basically just remembering how to be alive for today. It's painful to watch.

But then zombie-OPS stops chewing, slowly picks up the phone, and dials the bridge. In his well-known I'm-still-totally-asleep voice, he says "heeeey. It's OPS. Could you... shift our barpat... yeah, one six five. Thanks." And puts the phone down. And then he just sits there. Squinting. Waiting.

And then, ever so slowly, I realize that that big blazing spot of sun has begun to slide off the zombie's face and onto the wall behind him. After a moment it clears his face and he blinks slowly a few times and the brilliant beauty of what I've just witnessed begins to overwhelm me. By ordering the bridge to adjust the ship's back-and-forth patrol by about 15 degrees, he's changed our course just enough to reposition the sun off of his face. He's literally just redirected thousands of tons of steel and hundreds of people so that he could get the sun out of his eyes while he eats his bagel. I am in awe.

He slowly picks up his bagel and for a moment I'm terrified at the thought that his own genius may escape him, that he may never appreciate the epic brilliance of his laziness (since he's not going to wake up for another hour). But between his next bites he pauses, looks at me, and gives me the faintest, sly grin, before returning to gnaw slowly on his zombie bagel.

Jtt7987





There aren't too many things that would make you go, "Man, I'd rather go to hell than be here right now. Hell has demons, torture, fire, and all the ill-prepared pizza they can shove down my throat." However, if you had to choose between these people's predicaments and hell, you'd probably be ready to have pizza for dinner.

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You don't need to have children to be successful, but gender roles and societal expectations are awful. Just ask any woman you know: Chances are she's been poked and prodded and interrogated over her decision not to have children.

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Dad jokes can feel like the unloved step-sibling of the comical world. "Why would we laugh at something so obvious and stupid?"

Becuase it's hilarious, that's why. Just check out the following entries below and see for yourself.

Reddit user, u/GrotiusandPufendorf, wanted to know what the funniest jokes on the planet are when they asked:

What is your favorite dad joke?

A Murder Of Cows?

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Dad: Look at that flock of cows over there.

Kids: A HERD of cows.

Dad: Of course I heard of cows, there is a flock of them right over there.

Note: pulled that joke successfully a few times, and my kids even did it to their summer camp instructor.

ManOfLaBook

We Should Probably Leaf

At the park with my girls: "Dad, can we go play?"

Me: "sure, just stay away from those trees over there"

Girls: " umm...ok, why?"

Me: " I don't know...they look a little shady to me."

Good for producing eye rolls

Fleurdelis502

What Better Way To Carry It Home

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"Would you like the milk in the bag?"

Dad: "No thanks, you can keep it in the carton."

Captain-Yesh

Scrambled Or Over-Easy?

Dad at breakfast: I'll have bacon and eggs, please

Waiter: How do you like your eggs?

Dad: I don't know, I haven't gotten them yet!

roman12325

Feeling The Humor

Dad: "Nice shirt, is that felt?"

Not Dad: "No."

Dad: Reaches over and touches sleeve "It is now!"

Cheese_Pancakes

That Joke Killed!

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Why do graveyards have gates?

Because people are dying to get in.

My Dad always told it passing a graveyard.

Vlaed

Lean Back. Lean Back.

"I love my furniture. My recliner and I go way back."

akaShadezz11

Stating The Obvious, But Still Hilarious

I had a terrible day yesterday. As I was walking home, a man in a wheelchair stole my camouflage jacket!

As he was wheeling away, I shouted after him, "you can hide but you can't run!"

Jantra

Give It A Second...

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A magician was walking down the street.

Then, he turned into a grocery store.

aworldwithoutshrimp

Car Humor. That's All.

Dad putting car in reverse

Dad: Ahh, this takes me back

Hkatsupreme

That's Always The Point

Not a joke in the traditional sense but, when I'm at a restaurant and the waitress says "Do you wanna box for that?" I always reply with "No, but I'll wrestle you for it."

No one ever gets it but it makes me laugh. And that's the point, right?

bdoz138

And the King of Them All...?

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I tell dad jokes.

Sometimes he laughs.

Moleskin21

Believing in dub stuff as a kid is par for the course. When we're children, we're just tinier humans with less life experience, right? But let's be real- some of the dumb things we believed were actually really, really dumb.

u/ThePolishPA asked: What's the dumbest thing you believed as a child?

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They always say, don't meet your heroes. But here's the thing- sometimes your heroes are actually just chill, normal people. This can be refreshing in a world of egos.

A Quora user asked: Who's the nicest celebrity you've ever met?

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@BigDon0/Twitter


Oprah Winfrey may no longer be doling out free cars by the dozens like she did on her long-running day time talk show.

But that doesn't mean her generosity is history.

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