Look, we're just going to get right down to it. Normally we would start an article with a catchy intro to secure your readership and give you the backstory you need.
But this isn't that article. We're here to talk about Daryl Hannah's butt and the horrors of digital fur technology - and yes there will be pictures.
80's babies immediately knew who Daryl Hannah is, but if you need a refresher, please allow us to gift your eyeballs with the following blessings. You know her, but you might not know that you know her, you know?
She was the one-eyed baddie in Kill Bill.
windy daryl hannah GIF by MIRAMAX Giphy
She was a sweet Southern hairdresser in Steel Magnolias.
daryl hannah hair GIF Giphy
And, most relevantly she played the mermaid, Madison, in the ode to 80's awesomeness, Splash.
Daryl Hannah Film GIF Giphy
The plot is simple. Boy meets mermaid in the middle of New York City. Seeing as how there are no clothing stores on the seafloor, Daryl's character spends a few points in the film wearing pretty much nothing but her awesome mermaid hair.
The nudity isn't graphic, but there are more than a few gratuitous butt-cracks sprinkled lovingly throughout the film. That sprinkling of booty-cleavage has typically been dealt with by cutting scenes or strange cropping when the movie has aired on TV.
But Disney+ decided that wasn't going to work for them. We don't know why they have a vendetta against butts, we just know that they have a vendetta against butts - well, women's butts anyway. Hugh Jackman and Mark Ruffalo (and Bart Simpson) seem to have escaped the Great Disney Un"butt"oning of 2020 ... so far.
Anyway, Disney's anti-lady-butt thing has lead them to the decision to use digital fur technology to lengthen Daryl's mer-tresses. We really, really, reeeaaaally wish they hadn't.
It doesn't look so bad as a single frame, we will admit.
But peep the abomination in motion.
Disney+ didn't want butts on their platform so they edited Splash with digital fur technology https://t.co/df8XE0G9om— Allison Pregler 📼🍔🌸 (@Allison Pregler 📼🍔🌸)1586766724.0
So, yeah. Take a moment to recover. We've watched it repeatedly and it's just... bad. Just bad. So very bad. Horrifyingly bad? Laughably bad?
Twitter certainly found it roast-worthy.
@AllisonPregler It looks TERRIFYING— 🦊Claire🦊 (@🦊Claire🦊)1586784522.0
@AllisonPregler At least they didn't just erase the crack so she had one smooth cheek. https://t.co/XKDqZKwvSE— Beast that sketches (@Beast that sketches)1586774748.0
@AllisonPregler @KanKanDances Mermaids have hairy butts, pass it on— ✧･ﾟ:*Camilla*:･ﾟ✧ (@✧･ﾟ:*Camilla*:･ﾟ✧)1586770719.0
@AllisonPregler There comes a point when nudity censorship crosses a line into creepy prudishness, this is it.— Martin Mclean (@Martin Mclean)1586793074.0
So let's do a little creative exercise. If you had Disney kind of money and Disney's anti-Daryl-bootymeat mission,(although we know 98% of you would have just left the shots as they were) what would you have done to remove Daryl's butt from the film?