Halloween is fast upon us and whether we like it or not, avoiding all things creepy and terrorizing is futile. But sometimes, the things that jump out and scare you inside the ubiquitous haunted mazes popping up in every town aren't really scary. Why?
Because there's nothing more dreadful than a creepy doll.
Why do children like playing with dolls anyway? Their lifeless eyes staring back at you is enough to send shivers down your spine. Are dolls even lifeless? No thank you. Aunt Petunia can re-gift creepy Shelby doll, or whatever entity that's parading around as a plastic play thing.
On the occasion of Halloween, Mallory Ortberg of the Dear Prudence podcast asked fans to submit their favorite creepy doll photos.
The results are in. And they will haunt your dreams.
few weeks ago I put out a call for more pictures of creepy dolls on the prudence podcast and boy howdy have people delivered— american fandal (@american fandal) 1508957564.0
1. The question is, who left the light on? And the next question is, you know better than to go explore something like a light source in an unfamiliar house.
@evilmallelis Story: I was house and petsitting for friend's parents. Went to the bedroom and saw the closet light… https://t.co/LImD6VlbLk— kristin feat. ghosts (@kristin feat. ghosts) 1508958234.0
2. Little bunny Foo Foo hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice and tearing off and eating their heads.
@ATweetsville My brother *requested* I buy this for him. https://t.co/NR7Z14Io8F— Sarah (@Sarah) 1508959425.0
3. There's a reason why antique shops and flea markets have a surplus of dolls. They were abandoned for a reason. Look away!
@ATweetsville And one more from the flea market: https://t.co/SeDl7wkylX— Sarah (@Sarah) 1508974128.0
4. This is what happens when they attempt to choke you in your sleep, and fail miserably. You're not off the hook, however. You can't check a doll's pulse.
@evilmallelis @Nicole_Cliffe I encountered this gem in my parents' RV pit/workshop. https://t.co/vTfbm0yM6Z— The Cathinator (@The Cathinator) 1508967200.0
5. "Lisa" is boo-tiful, alright. Brave, little girl.
@evilmallelis Hi this is me, Rover, and a doll named Lisa that people have told me is creepy but I think she's BEAU… https://t.co/tdIFhMUTW5— Sarah Anne Lloyd (@Sarah Anne Lloyd) 1508966139.0
6. This is on sale. Dolls in a body bag. Well, there is a customer for everything, I guess.
@evilmallelis Saw this in a thrift store yesterday. https://t.co/CVS2e3Ymjm— Ann Kriss (@Ann Kriss) 1508965562.0
7. Girl, you did the right thing. He might have saved that last empty slot for your own head. Move on!
@evilmallelis My ex sent this photo to me this week, an actual thing he has purchased. I feel like I can just send… https://t.co/EaZUF2R8Vf— MKP🚀 (@MKP🚀) 1508965921.0
8. There's nothing like a handmade doll that says "I love you."
@evilmallelis A friend of my mother’s made this for me, which was very sweet, and she’s a legit artist so that’s co… https://t.co/wyl6zNcMhj— yet another Sarah (@yet another Sarah) 1508961552.0
9. She was creepy in Toy Story, and she's even creepier without the mechanical crustacean body.
oh I still have it https://t.co/Xg1WPVjfXe— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole Cliffe) 1508965279.0
10. The creepy photobomber.
@evilmallelis This one hasn’t killed us all. Yet. https://t.co/MqNHv3ky9V— Eleanor's Trousers (@Eleanor's Trousers) 1508965427.0
11. The more you try to destroy them, the more they'll give you night terrors with their disfigured faces.
@evilmallelis I found these at an estate sale last year and my soul still hasn’t recovered. https://t.co/KNbGDuoobS— Jacqui, damn it. (@Jacqui, damn it.) 1508962644.0
12. They claimed their territory. Now want to claim your life.
@evilmallelis I’ve got one for you.... https://t.co/rPjzGibx4c— Pauli (@Pauli) 1508972124.0
13. This one is looking for a home. And a pair of eyes to fill her sockets. Are you the generous donor?
@evilmallelis Left at a bus stop https://t.co/68UvpQwmYI— Lucia LeBlanc (@Lucia LeBlanc) 1508982252.0
14. Found on the boulevard of broken dreams.
@evilmallelis On someone's dashboard, Los Angeles. Of course. https://t.co/ALLavIBgcf— elaine layabout (@elaine layabout) 1508983392.0
15. Nuh-uh. Bye!
@evilmallelis https://t.co/bHt7Ph4Z4f— brian keegan (@brian keegan) 1509037050.0
16. I mean, I love me some Carol Channing and Tammy Faye, but I don't need a hybrid doll following me into the bathroom late at night. "Goodbye, Dolly!"
@evilmallelis https://t.co/v5tCDtfkpE— smashgirl® (@smashgirl®) 1508987400.0
Still love the dolls that stare you down in your sleep? Happy Halloween!
Please SHARE this with your friends and family.