Reddit user bigbrotherthrowaway6 is in a real pickle!
On one hand, he loves his sister and wants to take his family to her wedding.
On the other hand, he's a devout Christian who doesn't approve of her lesbian lifestyle and doesn't want to teach his children it's OK to marry the person you love if they're of the same sex.
If you think bigbrotherthrowaway6's conflict is a dumb one inspired by bigotry, you're far from alone!
bigbrotherthrowaway6posted on the popular subreddit "Am I The A**hole?" where commenters can tell him whether he's in the wrong for the way he's acting:
"Throwaway for pretty clear reason. I am a brother to a pretty awesome little sister (24) and also a dad of three beautiful little girls (2, 5, 9). My sister dated men throughout her teenage years and I'd always assumed that's how it'd stay. However she is now engaged to be married to a woman. Her soon to be wife is a really cool person and my own wife and I have enjoyed having her over and the kids enjoy her company. We haven't told them they are dating."
"My sister came to me recently as the wedding planning has begun and she wants my wife and I in the wedding party and also wants our oldest daughter as a bridesmaid with the two younger ones as flower girls."
So what's the problem?
"Here is my dilemma.. I have a very Christian family. My wife and I take our girls to church every Sunday and to me, homosexuality isn't in gods word. I feel that having my daughters go to church and then be a part of a gay wedding is only going to create confusion and questions for them. I have yet to discuss this with my wife. It's not that I intended for any of our family to miss my sisters wedding, but I hadn't even thought that far up until she told me she wants us to be a part of it."
Before bigbrotherthrowaway6 accidentally gets too tolerant, he had to check with his mother, who wants her daughters wedding cancelled:
"I spoke with our mother who is completely against the wedding happening at all. She says I should tell her no, in hopes she won't go through with the wedding. That's fucked up and I told her absolutely not. Like I said previously, I never made plans to not attend the wedding. I was hoping to maybe have the girls be babysat but I also struggle with that as they adore their aunt. Now that she wants them in the wedding, I can't get a babysitter and decline her offer. That would break her heart."
"But again this wasn't a conversation I wanted to have with my girls. I don't want to give them the wrong idea. I'm so torn here. WIBTA to tell my sister I don't want the trouble of small kids at her wedding even though it's a lie?"
In short, bigbrotherthrowaway6 wants to be a good brother, but also wants his children to know her life is sinful. Very tricky, very tricky indeed...
"TLDR: sister is marrying a woman and wants my whole family involved in the wedding but I don't want to have the conversation about homosexuality with the daughters I've raised Christian. I want to tell her that I planned on having them babysat as I don't like bringing them to weddings despite it being a lie."
"YTA. Don't teach your kids to treat gays differently, no matter how your pastor interprets the Bible. 'Be careful who you hate, it could turn out to be someone you love'"
Commander in Cheeks saw this as a perfect opportunity for the poster to show their love:
"YTA. This is an EXCELLENT time to put your money where your mouth is. Show your daughters that loving someone is never a bad thing. Are you willing to lose your sister because you don't want to face this? Because this is how you lose your sister."
"YTA if you lie to your sister. Lying is a sin. I recommend bringing them to the wedding so that you don't have to lie. Your daughters are going to learn about homosexuality eventually whether you like it or not."
Partassipant knows love should be unconditional:
"YTA your sister deserves a better brother. why even bother attending if you don't believe what she's doing is valid? can't you just go to church and donate money to people who think she's going to burn in hell instead? why tell your mother it's fucked up to not want the wedding to happen when your church doesn't even think her will be valid?"
"i hope none of your daughters turn out gay and find out your love and respect for them are conditional. i hope your sister finds a family that loves and respect her the way she is. it's clear she's trying hard to hold onto her relationship with you, and every effort you're making to avoid having a conversation with your children about the woman she loves is going to drive her further away."
Certified Proctologist pointed out that the poster's efforts would all be in vain eventually anyway:
"YTA. Stop trying to pretend like gay people don't exist just because it makes you uncomfortable. Sheltering your children will harm them more than watching their first steps into the real world. And this is your sister."
"YTA: Why haven't you had that conversation at any point up until now? How long was she with this broad to get engaged? Also what about after, are you cutting your sister out? You'll have to give them the talk soon regardless."
A**hole Aficionado thinks the poster's thinking is self-contradictory:
"YTA. And a hypocrite to boot. You're perfectly fine with having your sister over, welcoming her fiancee into your home, breaking bread with them, and having them around your kids, yet when it comes to Sunday morning, you go to a place that says their love is a sin. That's awful. There are plenty of Christian churches that accept homosexuality. You should find one of them and stop going to that temple of hate and bigotry. Don't raise your kids in that."
"YWBTA she's your sister and she's the same sister she's always been so there's no need to treat her differently. The word homosexuality didn't even appear in the Bible until 1946 printings. Kids don't know to be against gay people, it's taught. The kids will be okay."
"YTA. 2019 and people still ask asshole questions like this. Do you really want to raise your kids telling them their aunt, your sister, is a lesser person because she is gay and that doesn't follow whatever religious trend you are following ?"
"So if being gay is not acceptable for your religion, you now have to choose between your religion and your sister. It seems like your mother is already ready to lose her daughter over her sexual orientation and her will to live a happy life with her future wife, are you willing to lose your sister too ?"
"What matters more to you, your family as a whole, including your gay sister, or your religion ? What happens if one of your children is gay, are you also going to refuse to be at their wedding ? Are they going to be comfortable with their sexuality and opening up to you if it deviates from sole attraction to the opposite gender ? Is the example you want to be for your children is to not accept gay people, and them to be married ? Are you going to be the homophobe dad they are going to be ashamed off, with an distant aunt that don't particularly show up anymore to family meetings, because her wife is not welcome ?"
"Can't you find a more accepting kind of religion, if you need that crutch in your life ? I'm quite sure there are churches out there that evolved from that kind of intolerant bullshit, maybe look into them ?"
"Kids are not the one who will be judging your sister, nor be repulsed or confused by her wedding. They are kids, and they are way more accepting and tolerant than adults can be. But if you raise them to be homophobes, and if you teach them being gay is "fine" but actually not that much, because they don't even know their aunt has a fiancée, and you don't plan to show them there are different kinds of love and that the most important thing is respect and acceptance, well they will not turn out to be good adults."
At the end of the day, southpawlaura summed things up pretty well:
"YTA. Your daughters love their aunt, she wants them to be in the wedding, end of discussion. If you had a real objection (cost, travel, prior plans for that day that are immovable), that would be different but 'my family is Christian and homosexuality isn't in God's word' isn't a real objection."
The book UnClobber: Rethinking Our Misuse of the Bible on Homosexuality, available here, offers a different view.
"Churches in America are experiencing an unprecedented fracturing due to their belief and attitude toward the LGBTQ community. Armed with only six passages in the Bible--often known as the "clobber passages"--the traditional Christian position has been one that stands against the full inclusion of our LGBTQ brothers and sisters."
"Unclobber reexamines each of those frequently quoted passages of Scripture, alternating with author Colby Martin's own story of being fired from an evangelical megachurch when they discovered his stance on sexuality. UnClobber reexamines what the Bible says (and does not say) about homosexuality in such a way that breathes fresh life into outdated and inaccurate assumptions and interpretations."