Family can be complicated.
Sharing DNA with someone doesn't automatically create a good relationship.
And it certainly doesn't mean that they're a good person.
Our society expects that families always have to be there for each other though, and that people should go to extremes to help their families out.
That might be part of what made this Redditor's cousin think that it was acceptable to demand that she be a replacement bridesmaid, but it could also be that the cousin isn't a very good person.
Reddit user pervertw3asel posted a series of screenshots of a conversation that she had with her cousin to Reddit with the caption:
"I don't speak to this side of my family... like ever."
After reading the screenshots, it's not too hard to see why.
Due to the language in the messages, we're not including them here, but you can see them for yourself at this link.
At first the request seems innocent enough:
"Hey, sorry it's last minute but as you know my wedding is on the 20th of this month. [name] backed out, think you can fill in?"
pervertw3asel also gives a reasonable response:
"Hi [cousin]. As tempting as that sounds I think it's best for me to sit this one out. I hope that things work out for you though, I hope you have a great wedding"
Thinking that it might just be a budget concern, the cousin responds:
"If it's about money, [name] said she would sell you the dress cheap. You might have to alter it once you get it, but you'd really be doing me a huge favour. So would you like to?"
pervertw3asel then clarifies that the money isn't the issue:
"I bet it's a gorgeous dress, but I really don't want to be a bridesmaid. Those situations make me super uncomfortable.
Instead of just accepting the now clearly set boundary, the cousin decides to push:
"You're the only one who can fit her dress. Everyone else is either too small or too short. I desperately need you to step up here."
Time to reassert that boundary:
"I haven't decided if I should be offended by that or not. [shrugging emoji] Either way, I just don't feel comfortable. Sorry."
This assertiveness was apparently just too much for the cousin.
It was time to begin the guilt trip:
"Wow, This is my wedding day. I can't believe you're making this about you. I could care less if you're offended or not. You're being so selfish and self centered."
Showing an admirable amount of restraint, pervertw3asel responds:
"I just don't want to do something that makes me uncomfortable. It's not a you thing, it's a me thing. Sorry for being self centered, I just really am not interested. I'm sure you can find another person in our family you're closer with than me. Bottom line is I'm not doing it.
More guilt tripping, followed by just moving forward as if the answer had been "yes":
"It doesn't matter if it makes you "uncomfortable". You just supposed to do things for your family"
"I'm not going to argue about this. Etransfer the money to me, I'll pick up the dress from [name]"
Apparently astounded by the lack of response, she then goes straight for the ultimatum:
"You're being a real b*tch about this. If you don't want to do this then I don't want you at my wedding period."
That wasn't as much of a threat as the cousin thought:
"Well in that case..."
This was apparently just too much for the bridezilla.
She dissolved into pure insults:
"You're too fat to be a bridesmaid anyways I can't believe I wasted my time asking you"
With that confirmation of her fears realized, pervertw3asel ended the conversation:
"[name] definitely had the right idea backing out. Have a great wedding, Let's hope no one else backs out before then. :)"
The cousin just had to have the last word, though:"
"F**k off fatty"
Redditors who read the exchange had no sympathy whatsoever for the entitled bride-to-be.
"Me: I'm not going to your wedding. Maybe the next one!" -GimmePig
"If her fiancee was smart he'd back out next." -Ninhursag23
"Nice, wants her in her wedding just because the dress might fit her, not because she cares about her and wants loved ones with her. I have a funny feeling the other person backed out because of this behavior" -MrsEGummings
Some had some useful advice:
"I would totally send this Screenshot to everyone else in the wedding, including the fiance. They all deserve to know who they're really dealing with." -sugartea63
"If being an adult has taught me anything, it's that I no longer have to put myself in uncomfortable situations I do not want to be in because 'we're family.' F*** that noise. It's very liberating to be free from that bullsh*t!" -MobileButcher
One had some advice that is good for everyone:
"Don't ever forget it's okay to not talk to family. Your sharing genetic material doesn't oblige you to be abused."
"Family is whoever treats you with love and decency. That's not always your genetic relations."
"You know this, it's clear...just don't let people shame you into forgetting it." -call-me-the-seeker
Families can be an incredibly fulfilling and important part of our lives, but sometimes those families aren't the ones we share genes with. Sometimes they are, just with a few bad eggs.
Family doesn't mean you have to drop everything to cater to someone's every whim.