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Someone Found A 'Wildly Corroded' Can Of Spider-Man Pasta From 1995—And The Contents Have Not Aged Well
Remember when macaroni used to come in shapes?
Or the times when mac & cheese came in different colors?
The 90s were a wild time. How do we think those things have held up?
The answer is—poorly.
Twitter user Dinosaur Dracula found a can of Chef Boyardee Spider-Man pasta from 1995.
I have a wildly corroded can of Spider-Man Pasta from 1995. And if this gets 1995 retweets, I’ll show you what’s i… https://t.co/xvAJwX3Y6K— Dinosaur Dracula (@Dinosaur Dracula)1587053045.0
And step-by-step, he began to open it.
Opening a wildly corroded can of Spider-Man Pasta from 1995: a thread. (1/5) https://t.co/DW7w7ALMO4— Dinosaur Dracula (@Dinosaur Dracula)1587073083.0
I put the can opener to work, unsettled by the rust, but emboldened by the lack of noxious fumes. I turn the knob a… https://t.co/2NbpKuD4GV— Dinosaur Dracula (@Dinosaur Dracula)1587073162.0
After getting through the rust, what he found could rival the Venom symbiote.
They say tragedy plus time equals comedy, but there's nothing funny about 15 ounces of Spider-Man Pasta reduced to… https://t.co/HpqTAPyj8h— Dinosaur Dracula (@Dinosaur Dracula)1587073203.0
And which also took the shape of the can.
I carefully remove the mass, which looks like a cross between Big Thunder Mountain and one of those Geonosian hives… https://t.co/NB7czfIJcB— Dinosaur Dracula (@Dinosaur Dracula)1587073251.0
The congealed mass bore little resemblance to any sort of shapely pasta, but if you look closely, you can see a fossil.
I think I notice something, but consult the label on the can to be sure. Indeed, there's poor Spider-Man, trapped i… https://t.co/WvrMjmTy0C— Dinosaur Dracula (@Dinosaur Dracula)1587073334.0
This particular can of Spider-Man pasta is a year older than Tom Holland—the Marvel Cinematic Universe's current Peter Parker—who was born in 1996.
@DinosaurDracula Watch out, "it's practically radioactive"! 😉 https://t.co/lWY18WQYPR— Wizards Podcast (@Wizards Podcast)1587066392.0
@DinosaurDracula https://t.co/dM1sMWxk3O— Animal LaCroixing (@Animal LaCroixing)1587100872.0
@DinosaurDracula Right now it must taste like Venom.— El Blogiante🇵🇷😷 (@El Blogiante🇵🇷😷)1587073167.0
@DinosaurDracula It does whatever a Spider...can.— John Nieves (@John Nieves)1587077346.0
@DinosaurDracula https://t.co/btZTCCWxlX— martinjosephrioux (@martinjosephrioux)1587074568.0
Our friend, Dinosaur Dracula, has also reportedly done this before with a 30-year-old can of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles pasta.
@JasonPottinger I’ve been down that road! 🤡 https://t.co/IgpqjBf6cs— Dinosaur Dracula (@Dinosaur Dracula)1587160332.0
And has inspired other people to find items in their pantry that have been there for far too long.
@DinosaurDracula Got the perfect thing to wash it down with. Only about 35-40 years old! https://t.co/Zb5pzLXmpW— Dominic Mark Ashman (@Dominic Mark Ashman)1587075546.0
@DinosaurDracula if any of us are still alive in 10 years i'll open this in your honor https://t.co/O7GXjXNUuH— Frank Yoda (@Frank Yoda)1587073828.0
@DinosaurDracula I’ve been waiting for a tweet like this for a while. https://t.co/TRph3uiFgk— Shodan (@Shodan)1587149874.0
@DinosaurDracula @fiddlesexe https://t.co/HME5sUZyCN— arra dies: the movie 𓈝 ❁ (@arra dies: the movie 𓈝 ❁)1587151452.0
@DinosaurDracula I found a can of cat food from 2002 at work a few weeks back. Kinda wish I tried opening it up... https://t.co/epVCTY0SLR— Isaac (@Isaac)1587078428.0
@DinosaurDracula @WHS_Carpet D'you fancy a meringue? https://t.co/6jxplT7ccA— graham warren (@graham warren)1587112967.0
How have we let these things stick around in our houses for this long?
While we all have downtime, please, raid your pantries. Put the things dated pre-2020 out of their misery.
If you're feeling nostalgic, there are better things to try than old canned goods. The Vintage Candy Company offers gift boxes, available here, for a variety of occasions and decades.