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communication
Communication is key to a healthy marriage.
As much as we'd like to think we know our significant others well enough to read their minds in any given situation, newsflash, we can't.
Opening up and discussing everything that's weighing the other down or admitting something embarrassing are some examples of having a healthy dialogue.
But is full transparency always compulsory?
It turns out there are many exceptions to the rule.
Redditor released-lobster was curious to hear people's thoughts and asked:
"What secret is OK/acceptable to keep from a partner in a marriage?"
These examples are the sweetest.
Joy Of Discovery
"I let my wife experience all the big things with the kids first. She’s a shift worker covering both day and night 12-hour shifts, and no two weeks of the roster are ever the same, so we have a rather sporadic home life where we are all home at the same time."
"If the kids have happened to have done any of the milestone events when it’s just been me at home, I’ve kept quiet about it and been excited (genuinely) when she’s witnessed them 'first' and calls me in the room or tells me about it. I figure it helps her not feel like she’s missing out on the family."
– _ficklelilpickle
Baby's First Word
"I worked very hard with my kids to ensure their first word was Mama. When she wasn’t around, I was going, 'ma-ma-ma-ma' to the kids. Being a mom is everything to her, and I wanted her to have that cherished moment of being the first word they said. I will never tell her that."
– NiceTuBeNice
Gifts For A Rainy Day
"An emergency gift stash for when the partner has a bad day. My emergency stash for my wife is mostly chocolate."
– Muffin3319
"As soon as my wife figured out I had a secret chocolate stash for her bad days, she started "having bad days" more often just to get all the chocolate. Then she got upset when it was all gone..."
– fluffyfistoffury
Their spouse will thank them for keeping certain information to themselves.
The Intruder
"I'm sure I'm too late for this to be seen. One day I woke up with a blocked ear, had a shower and let the warm water run into my ear. A small spider came out, and my ear instantly unblocked."
"If I told my partner this, she'd literally never sleep again."
– xlr8_87
"You told me, and now I'm never sleeping again."
– taylorannshazam
First Witness
"I witnessed my son walking for the first time about a month before she saw him walk. She was struggling with postpartum depression and was upset she wasn’t the mom she wanted to be. I’m taking that one to the grave."
– Rusl21
"My SIL owns a daycare and hides that from parents, too. She tells them, “I think ‘baby’ might start walking soon!” if she saw them take their first steps because she doesn’t want to take that from the parents but wants them to be on the lookout so they can have their moment."
– bb_LemonSquid
No Oversharing
"If someone talks sh*t about them (your family, friends), you don’t need to tell them. You can stand up for them and leave it at that; I don’t need to hear every thought my MIL has about our wedding."
– maplesyrupwinter
At the end of the day, it's just kind and courteous to stay tight-lipped where these are concerned.
Comparing Lovers
"What partner was best in bed... anything they can’t realistically change or control."
– No_Dragonfruit_302
Father Knows Best
"On the day I got married my dad pulled me aside and gave me this one piece of advice 'you don’t have to tell her everything.' I was flummoxed, did my dad have a secret family in Florida that he was visiting on those long business trips?"
"No, thirty years later I realized he didn’t mean 'keep secrets' he meant 'don’t always tell her dinner tastes burned, don’t always tell her when someone says something mean about her, don’t always tell her that the children clothes look dumb.'"
"Of course it would have helped a lot if he had actually said that but perhaps he wanted me to learn the hard way. This morning my wife asked me 'now, be serious does this dress look nice or does it look like I’m trying too hard to look like a teenager?' I honestly thought she looked great, and I told her."
– hardwareweenie
No Spoilers
"Spoilers for a show you have watched before, but are rewatching with them."
– FlowersInMyHair923
Cold Diaper
"One day when we were in the first newborn weeks, I found a used diaper in the fridge. All wrapped up, next to the mayonnaise."
"I did some fast but intense thinking. The odds of it being a science project seemed low, compared to the odds of a brutally under-slept new mama sticking it in there thoughtlessly."
"I tried to picture her saying, 'I was saving that!' and just couldn't."
"So I discreetly threw it away and didn't tell her about it for about five years, at which point she laughed her a** off."
– ratbastid
And of course, the element of surprise is an exception but only in certain cases.
Presents
"What you're getting them as a gift."
– CrabbiestAsp
"I get crafty every Christmas trying to keep gifts secret, and every time I realize how hard it is to maintain lies and secrets. Totally worth it to gift someone a beautiful handmade quilt, but I can’t even imagine how stressful it is to hide credit card debt or an affair. I’ll stick to honesty."
– etds3
"Unless the gift is a pet. A pet should never be a secret."
– exotics
"Or a vehicle. The commercials where one spouse surprises the other with a car make my stomach churn."
– cigale
Withholding information from your spouse that comes from a place of being protective is key here.
However, it would be wise to evaluate the situation.
If you feel it could improve an uncomfortable circumstance, then apprising your spouse of the truth could potentially fix the issue.
After all, the truth hurts sometimes, right?
But it could be a solution to a problem and allow room for growth.