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Mary Trump, Donald Trump's real-life niece, is pretty well known for being one of the few Trumps willing to stand against Donald. On election night her tweets showed some serious dread for what his presidency might mean.
She has a new tell-all book that isn't even released—coming in July—and is already a best-seller.
In the lead-up to the book's release, a parody Twitter account called "Nary Trump" has popped up. The account is full of the sort of stuff we are all really hoping the tell-all book is full of.
It's ridiculous, it's completely inappropriate, and Twitter thinks it's hilarious.
The first post on the account came in October 2019, but it was "rebranded" to Nary Trump about a week ago.
The first Nary tweet set the tone for the account beautifully.
The public is obviously aware of just how bad Melania has it. Living with Donald is a nightmare.
The obvious faults are just that— obvious.
But a less obvious irritant is the discoloration that occurs on furniture and linen.
It's like every seat is covered in Cheeto dust.
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 17, 2020
Recently, photos have been circulating that have people speculating (again) that Trump may have had an accident. In 2017 a picture made the rounds on the internet that got "President Poopypants" trending.
That, combined with Trump's notorious germaphobic nature, particularly about bathrooms (He refuses to share one. With anyone. Not even family.) make this next group of Tweets all the more delicious. We hate that we just used that word about Trump poo.
The Running Poo Saga
The reason for my uncle's surprise visit to Walter Reed is because he can no longer control his bowels.
It's why he stands the way he does. It's why he lurched down the ramp at West Point.
What's more, his bowels operate omnidirectionally.
He spews excrement from both sides.
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 17, 2020
Everyone thinks #COVID19 was responsible for the national shortage of toilet paper.
It was actually Uncle Donald's cavities constantly leaking. https://t.co/ihrD4H0CAc
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 17, 2020
He can't.
He'll mess himself from extending his leg. https://t.co/7C7tNBgaaK
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 18, 2020
Quick note on this.
Lower level staff deserve respect at the White House dealing with Uncle Don.
But pour some out for the motorcade detail. The seats look like the floor of the Hershey's factory now.
The limo has always been called "the beast" but for a different reason now. https://t.co/ihrD4H0CAc
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 18, 2020
Why do you think the @gop got so mad when @BarackObama wore a tan suit?
They wanted Trump. And wanted to avoid setting a precedent that Commanders in Chief wear lighter tones.
Can't respect a head of state that sports skid marks away from the race track.https://t.co/ZMPh5pbVoF
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 18, 2020
That actually was a bit of a cruel joke from his inner circle staff.
They filled his glass with Holy Water.
It was burning his hand, so he was struggling to lift it. But the cameras were on. So, obviously, he had to follow through.
Did a number on his bowels that night. 🦨 https://t.co/q5YHtMaYML
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 18, 2020
Start with the sewers.
They can't accommodate my uncle in their current state and it puts the whole country at risk. https://t.co/oyHTg5ekZw
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 18, 2020
Uncle Don farts when he sneezes.
That, coupled with his bowel problems, is why he's a germophobe.
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 18, 2020
I have to clear up some #FakeNews regarding the protests in Lafayette Square a couple weeks ago.
Uncle Donald's team did NOT use tear gas on protesters to clear the park.
Staff just opened the windows on the White House and the park happens to be down wind.
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 20, 2020
We're going to stop there but believe it or not, there are more tweets about Trump's incontinence issues. Also the alleged "pee tapes."
There's even a whole bit about Jared Kushner and pee pads. We know it seems like the account is mostly "toilet humor" (10/10 pun right there) but there really isn't anything off limits.
The Trump Family's KKK history and the President's White nationalist ties is absolutely fodder for the jokes, too.
Our annual expenditure on sheets were astronomical.
Every set of linen Uncle Don used either slowly oranged or would disappear for weeks only to reappear with eye holes cut out.
Read more by pre-ordering here: https://t.co/AGAiY7sNithttps://t.co/Nn4ZA4aVhE
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 17, 2020
Many people remember Uncle Donald's cameo in Home Alone 2.
But he was almost in Harry Potter, too.
He pestered Universal for weeks about letting him in the movie. They relented, actually.
But ultimately had to be removed from the set for insisting on being called Grand Wizard.
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 17, 2020
Uncle Donald did take interest in my hobbies. Like my sticker collection.
He'd tell me I was missing a big brand of sticker in my collection. But I could never find this brand.
Eventually I stopped showing him my stickers.
He just got so annoyed I never had any Swash Stickers.
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 21, 2020
The account takes aim at some of the public's favorite Trump mocking points, like his hand size and physical fitness.
And the normal hand size. https://t.co/mMyMLyO99s
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 18, 2020
Uncle Donald has not cut his toenails since Thanksgiving '99.
"Y2K will take care of it for me," he said.
Then the world didn't end.
So now he's trying to end it for us.
All because he gets winded touching his feet.
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 18, 2020
Excessive. https://t.co/dTD7yobTkb
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 18, 2020
We don't know the mastermind behind the account, but they took a moment to acknowledge that all of the fun is rooted in a real person with a real book and a real sense of obligation to tell the world what she knows.
Mary Trump's book, titled "Too Much And Never Enough: How My Family Created The World's Most Dangerous Man", is allegedly a fearless admonition of her dysfunctional and abusive family and the role they played in creating a dysfunctional and abusive man who then became the President of the United States of America. And why she is horrified by his position of power.
The tweets may be hilarious, but the situation is far from a laughing matter.
Serious note about @MaryLTrump.
I looked through her older tweets, particularly those from election night. It was a gut punch, if I'm honest. You can see her dread build through the night.
I'm certain she feels an obligation to print this book.
We need to see what's in it. https://t.co/bwVmUPgt8n
— Nary Trump (@unRealMaryTrump) June 21, 2020
Again, we are not sure who the person behind the account is, but we're sure that Trump's team is going to try hard to find out. Some people think it might be a close personal contact or an enemy Trump has made in Washington, but it's just as likely to be a teenager in a small town in Alaska.
Whoever they are, they clearly hit on a goldmine of an idea. The account has racked up over 75k followers in the last few days.
Each tweet is met with the sort of laughter that shows the disdain for Trump to be something a lot of people have in common.
It really could be anyone. Is it you?