Dear Justin Trudeau,
We get that you're in the middle of a crisis.
Handling how your entire nation responds to a pandemic—particularly when other countries are actively working against you—borders on impossible.
The world is proverbially on fire and sometimes it must feel like it's up to you to put it out. We know everyone is asking a lot from you right now but we need to ask just one more thing.
For your people's sake—nay, the sake of all people—please never talk about face masks again. You grossed us all out, JT—even yourself.
It's not that your speeches aren't clear, decisive and informative without being anxiety-inducing. We actually really love that you took the time during your Prime Minister's address to explain what face masks are for and how they might be helpful.
That kind of factual knowledge helps your citizens make informed decisions regardless of party affiliation. It's just ...
Did you have to say they prevent us from "speaking moistly" on each other? "Speaking moistly," sir?
Really‽‽
Moistly‽‽
You know that word is borderline illegal as far as the English-speaking world is concerned.
You knew it was gross as soon as you said it, too.
The people are not okay right now, Justin.
They're just not.
Having said all that, we have to admit that we might hate it but the phrase is accurate. There are people out there who are, most certainly, moist speakers, aren't there?
They walk among us indeed, Mr. Trudeau.
So. Much. Moisture.
We guess what we're trying to say is thank you for the information, but please never give us that mental image again because now we're never going to stop thinking about the amount of "moisture" flying out of people's mouths as they talk. We'll never be able to look at a crowded game or a concert or even our families the same way again.
Which, we guess means we'll be a lot more conscious about maintaining distance and washing up, huh? Hmm. Point taken.
Thanks, we hate it.
The documentary Trudeau: Pierre Elliott & Justin - 2 Men 1 Unique Determination is available here.