The Craziest Things Medical Professionals Have Heard Patients Say While Under Anesthesia

As much as we need it at times, it's unnerving how little control we have during certain medical procedures, especially when surgery, high doses of heavy medications, and anesthesia are involved.

People especially cannot be held accountable for what they might say or dream about while under anesthesia.

Fortunately, some people's accounts of their loved ones' remarks while under anesthesia prove to be really funny, medical professionals have also pointed out that patient remarks are sometimes really unnerving, too.

Ready for a good story, Redditor Jabber-Jaw asked:

"Medical workers, what is the most interesting thing you have heard someone say under anesthesia?"

A Dream Trip

"Under Ketamine, an older woman asked me if I wanted to mountain bike on the moon with her."

- ACGME_Admin

"I hope you said yes. It's hard to make friends as an adult, and she sounds fun!"

- Noyougetinthebowl

He's Got Game

"I was waiting on my husband to return from keyhole surgery, and when he was wheeled into the room, my normally very reserved husband, in a huge booming voice, announced, 'HEY! IT’S A SEXY LADY!'"

"According to the doctor who came to check up on him the next day, he had said the exact same thing to the recovery nurses, doctors, orderlies, patients he was wheeled past, and anyone else he saw. All of them, particularly the 6’5 male Māori nurse, were delighted to be declared sexy ladies."

"He was horrified, and by explanation, said, 'I just remember thinking how good I was feeling in the painkillers, and I wanted everyone else to feel good too.'"

- JessicaWakefield

...Awkward

"I'm not a medical worker, but when I was coming out of anesthesia as a late teenager, a nurse asked me where I went to high school, and it turned out I went to school with her daughter. She sat near me in band class."

"I then told the nurse her daughter was a huge b***h."

- curls651

Weird About Wolves

"I had a young guy (18 to 20ish) who was intubated write me a looooong note about how he was the leader of his wolf pack and clan rules."

"I normally didn’t let intubated patients write notes (risk of self-extubation, they get really frustrated because it’s illegible and they can’t communicate, etc.). We had signs with normal words they could point to so I knew what they wanted for easy communication."

"This kid was insistent about writing, so I gave him a pen and could actually read what he was writing so I was like have at it."

"Apparently, when he got extubated a few days later he was super embarrassed and asked another nurse to apologize for 'being weird about wolves.' I really wish I’d kept the note…"

"Ketamine is a h**l of a drug."

- jahoefs

The Start of a New Life

"A patient who had received ketamine while we were trying to reset his wrist loudly exclaimed that he thought that the doctor looked like a marshmallow."

"We all chuckled, but I later found out that the doctor was a bit hurt by that comment and it actually kicked off his weight loss journey."

"Another person also under the effects of ketamine told me she thought that the walls were cookies."

"And lastly (also a ketamine-related situation), a middle-aged man had his wrist reset and decided to pick a lime green color for the outside of his cast. After it was applied, I guess he thought it was a lightsaber and began swinging his arm around and making lightsaber swooshing sounds. His wife was trying to contain him while hysterically laughing."

- madicoolcat

Being a Father All Over Again

"A patient was getting a moderate sedation (so awake but won't remember it). It was a pretty painful procedure but the dude was handling it like a champ. I was supervising to help assess if he needed different treatments or surgery while the director of the unit was pushing sedation meds."

"Often to distract patients, we all make small talk. One of the nurses sees a tattoo with a name on it:"

"'Hey, that's also my name! How neat! Who is [the name]?'"

"''That's my daughter!' he said very loudly and slightly slurred with all the medication."

"'Wow, I love it. You have a great tattoo for your daughter.'"

"'Wait, I have a DAUGHTER!?! I'm a FATHER!?!' he exclaimed still in his slurred speech, and he started crying. 'I'm so happy, I always wanted to be a father. That's so amazing. I hope I am a good dad!' This went on for a few more minutes."

"I'm sure he was a great dad too, he was so happy remembering he had a daughter. All of us had to pause what we were doing as we were laughing too hard to keep going. We all had a great laugh about it with him once he was more with it."

- CasuallyCarrots

An Accidental Date

"I had a minor surgery, and when I 'woke up,' the nurse was laughing. She said, 'So when are we leaving?'"

"I said, 'What?'"

"She said I was talking about how we were going out on the town, I was taking her dancing, and we would see were it would go after that. I was 17, and she was 40'ish."

- DoctorProof7920

Cartoon Rabbits

"My patients don't talk, but every once in a while, rabbits will scream as the anesthesia kicks in."

"One rabbit in particular, that I anesthetize for a molar trim every few months, routinely makes a noise similar to exaggerated cartoon sleeping, specifically the 'mimimimimi' part as he exhales. It cracks me up every time."

- Moctor_Drignall

Beauty Deserves To Be Mentioned

"I was waking up from anesthesia for a laparoscopic gallbladder and appendix removal, so fully sedated."

"Apparently, I decided the nurse who kept checking on me needed to know just how incredibly beautiful she was, so I told her."

"Repeatedly. In the manner that drunk girls in the bathroom at the club do. I even remarked on her wedding band, and asked her if her husband treats her right, and when she answered that he does, I said good because she's just too beautiful and sweet that if he didn't, I'd beat him up."

"I was a skinny-a** 18-year-old white chick, by the way. Around 100 pounds and 5'1 at the time. But I was fully ready to white knight for this nurse."

"I apologized when I woke up fully. Luckily she thought it was hilarious and told me she was telling her husband about it because he'd love it."

- berripluscream

Big Mood

"I woke up sobbing and asking for my cat."

- epeverdeen

Everyone's Cheerleader

"While coming back to Earth after wisdom teeth removal, I apparently was complimenting everyone who walked by."

"At one point, another loopy patient was hobbling by, the nurse supporting him saying something like, 'We're almost there, Jeremy,' so I called out, 'Way to go, Jeremy! You're doing so great, Jeremy!'"

- IdleDeer

Ready for a Career Change

"Not me, but my mother."

"She had a colonoscopy done maybe around 10 years ago. When my dad, sister, and I went back to the recovery room to see her, she was CONVINCED she was a NASCAR driver and was wheeled into the room to wait for the race to start, and told us how fast she was gonna drive."

- PaludisVulpes

Medically Interning Your Own Surgery

"When I was about 16 or 17, I almost cut my finger off. While I was in surgery to reattach everything important, I was under local as well as an anesthetic that was meant to make me loopy and not remember anything."

"I remember waking up completely some ways into the surgery. At that point in my life, I was planning on going to med school, and in my drug-addled state, I was convinced that they'd never let me in if I didn't know how to do this surgery."

"So I did the obvious thing, I pulled down the small curtain shielding my hand from view, and watched."

"At some point, someone scolded me and put it back up. I kept an eye on them and when they weren't looking towards me, I took it down again."

"The last thing I heard was, 'Doctor So and so, he's doing it again.' The doctor said something and that's the last I remember of my internship at my own surgery until I woke up in recovery."

- goffstock

It Might Be Best Not to Ask

"The only thing I remembered is repeatedly thanking the staff and telling them I love them upon waking but no one telling what I said before because they were already in tears laughing, but those were the first words remembered while rolling me out of surgery so I must have been hilarious before fully regaining consciousness."

- Moist-Injury7376

Endlessly Mortified

"I took some laughing gas as they put my epidural in bc I couldn’t stay still, and it hit me HARD. I was completely out of it for the next 20 minutes. After the epidural was administered, the nurse helped install me in bed and asked me if I wanted her to cover me with the blanket."

"My response? 'Naaaw, I’m pretty sure you’ve seen boobs before... let 'em free!'"

"The worst part? I work with these people. I’ll be going in to work again next month, for the first time since it happened. 18 months later and I am still MORTIFIED."

- athwantscake

Thank goodness, these stories were hilarious, heartwarming, and wholesome rather than chilling or creepy. Some of these former patients might feel that way, though, because as funny as it was for other people to hear, it might be hard for them to live it down!