Woman Wonders If She's Wrong For Cutting Her Family Out Of Her Life After Her Mom's Will Left Everything To Her Sister
For nearly an entirety of her life, being the older sister hasn't exactly been a rewarding experience for Redditor "Flowershopblues."
She always felt she was second best to her younger sister, who always got everything her heart desired.
Her suspicions were confirmed when their mother took favoritism to an extreme by snubbing her out of the will and leaving her inheritance—including the family business—with the youngest daughter.
"I always suspected my mom preferred my sister over me," wrote the Original Poster (OP).
"Growing up, she spoiled my sister with whatever she wanted and took her word over mine whenever we argued. I was always in second place compared to her."
"For example, when we turned sixteen, I was given my aunt's old clunker that ended up dying within six months. When my sister turned sixteen, she got the brand new red Volkswagon of her dreams."
"Mom said that I couldn't continue my piano lessons because they were getting so expensive while still supporting my sister's dance lessons, competions, etc."
The OP's heart was broken over a high school crush in the cruelest way possible.
"Things got really bad about a decade ago. When we were in high school, I feel in love with this guy, Joey, and started dating him for a while."
"Only to for him to dump me because he preferred my sister. Yes, my sister seduced him. This really broke me because he was my first love."
What the mother wrote in the will was devastating.
"Well, my sister and Joey ended up getting married after their college graduation. And that is when things went from bad to worse. Our mother had her will made and she was leaving everything to my sister."
"For background information, our childhood home was a two story building, where my mother's flower shop was on the ground floor and the apartment we grew up in was the second floor."
"While I didn't get along with my mom or sister, I loved that flower shop and had been working there for most of my life. I dreamed of owning that shop one day."
"But instead, my mother was going to leave the building, the shop and the apartment, to my sister. While I could still work in the shop, my sister would be the owner and I would have to do what she says."
"There was no use in trying to convince her to change her mind. In her mind, my sister was the married one with a baby on the way."
"She needed the business and house to raise her family. Meanwhile, I was single and had nothing."
Based on how she felt she was being treated by her own family, the OP made the tough decision to sever her familial ties for good.
"So, I cut them off. If my mother didn't see me as a family member, then I wanted nothing to do with them anymore. It was clear who she favored more. So I moved out of my childhood home and was on my own."
"Less than a year later, I joined the Peace Corps and have been living abroad since."
But then one day, the past caught up to her.
"Now, to the present. After not hearing from them for years, my sister found me on social media and reached out to me. She wanted to talk to me, rekindle whatever relationship we had."
"I told her no, that I never wanted to talk to her or have anything to do with her or our mother again. She then starts to write this angry message about how I could do this to her and why would I turn my back on her."
"But as far as I am concerned, she is not my family. She hasn't been family in a decade."
"My partner and our baby is family. I have a new, happier, more fulfilling life in South Africa than I ever did back in the States. I don't want to ever see my old family again because of how they treated me."
"I don't want them to meet my daughter. If I let them back into my life, I am afraid they will ruin the new life I made for myself."
The OP asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) for being too harsh?
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
"NTA, not from my point of view. You found peace and love elsewhere instead of with them."
"No need to drag up all that toxicity again if you're in a good place." – Kittytigris
"NTA she was the golden child and when that wasn't enough she stole your boyfriend. Family doesn't treat family like this. Your new family is your family." – starvinartist
The sister's negative reaction to being told "no" was examined.
"Maybe the reach out was initially sincere, but that the sister feels so entitled and has been handed everything to her, that she couldn't handle the fact her sister didn't want anything to do with her and quickly switched to anger because she's not used to the word 'no.'" – dr_nogood
Could the family business being in jeopardy be a reason why she reached out to the OP?
"Money, it has to be money. Just think about it, we're in the middle of a global pandemic. Multiple places here in the states are under lockdown."
"Lots of privately owned businesses are struggling right now. I wouldn't be surprised if the flower shop is also in trouble. Because who would buy flowers right now?" – Luna_Deafenhine
"That was my thought, no prom season, limited wedding arrangements, hell, you cant even have a proper funeral."
"The flower shop is dying and they need money asap." – Ketdogg
Mom's punching bag is gone, and she's turning on the Golden Child because that's all that's left." – ladyrockess
"This is exactly what happened in my family, I was the scapegoat and when I left home at 15, my golden sister and golden brother and enabling stepdad complained to me that my mom got even crazier."
"I just thought, 'nah, I'm just not there to take all the abuse so now she's doling it out accordingly'. I mean I felt bad for them and everything but at the same time they didn't care how I was treated so long as it wasn't them."
"They wanted to commiserate or convince me to move back but I just said 'you could move out too' and then eventually cut them off as well because we had nothing else in common other than hating my mother and it was clear they were destined to be in a codependent relationship with her for life."
"I guess being scapegoat is the best you could be in such family dynamics." – eravn
Overall, Redditors got the impression the younger sister was being needy.
"NTA. It sounds like your sister wanted something from you. Maybe she wanted you to come back and work in the shop? Maybe she wanted money?"
"But her reaction definitely tells me that she wanted to get something from you." – teresajs
To which the OP replied:
"Whatever it is, I want no part in her life nor her in mine." – Flowershopblues
There has been no indication that the two siblings would reconcile any time soon, if at all.