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wedding woes
The situation first came to public light via the subreddit AITA (which stands for "Am I The A-hole?): a subreddit where people can ask for other people's opinions about situations where they aren't sure if they were wrong or not.
One Reddit user wanted to know if they were wrong for showing up to their cousin's wedding in a hoodie and jean shorts. We know, this one seems obvious.
Madea says what half of you were thinking:
But it turns out there's a fair bit of backstory here about why the original poster (and several other guests) showed up to a wedding dressed for a back yard BBQ: Momzilla. The groom's mother was upset that the wedding wasn't going to be held in a church or banquet hall and decided to take things into her own hands.
She started by complaining to the groom's family members months in advance. She complained about how unconventional the wedding was going to be and how it wasn't how she would have done it.
That plan backfired, though, since several family members were excited by the idea of an unconventional wedding. So the day before the ceremony, the groom's mom went in for the subtle kill.
Since the couple wanted an unconventional wedding, she would make sure they had it.
She informed the groom's family that the dress code was "casual." Spoiler alert: that directive didn't come from the bride or groom.
That meant the couple, the wedding party and the brides family all showed up dressed appropriately for a wedding while the groom's family came rolling in wearing t-shirts, baseball caps, hoodies, etc.
Cue the groom like:
Now here is where things get questionable.
The person posting had already packed fancy clothes for the wedding, so they went to the ceremony dressed appropriately. They opted to change for the reception, though. They ditched their wedding-appropriate clothing for "a hoodie, daisy duke shorts and cute sandals."
For those who don't know, these are daisy duke shorts as modeled by the OG Daisy Duke:
Since the wedding, the bride and groom have been distant with a few people and the original poster just couldn't figure out why. Until now.
Here's her full post:
"Last fall, my husband and I went to my cousin's wedding in another state."
"In the months leading up to the wedding, my aunt (cousin's mother) griped about how unconventional the wedding was going to be. She was happy for the couple of course but she didn't like that the wedding wasn't going to be in a church or banquet hall."
"The wedding was going to be a small and intimate affair in a scenic national park and then the reception was going to be in a nice rental house in the woods. I thought it sounded cool and unique but my aunt hated the idea of it. She didn't tell the couple tho. Just complained about it to us behind their backs."
"We traveled 600 miles to the wedding. We treated the trip like a vacation. Spent some money on lodging, food, sightseeing, etc."
"The day before the wedding, my aunt rounded up me and my family members and told us that she just found out that the dress code for the wedding was casual. Not gonna lie, many of us were stoked. I hate dressing up so I was all over the idea of a casual backyard bbq wedding."
"My husband and I had already packed nice clothes so we wore them to the ceremony. A few of my family members showed up to the ceremony in t-shirts and baseball caps. Immediately after, we changed into comfortable clothes for the reception. I wore a hoodie, daisy Duke shorts and cute sandals."
"I noticed that the bride's family members were still dressed up but I figured they didn't get the memo. The bride and groom and the wedding party were dressed to the nine's which I thought was weird for a casual wedding. The reception was awesome. Nice dinner, fancy lawn games, a bonfire. We had a blast."
"So we just found out that the bride and groom were very upset with us for wearing casual clothes to their wedding. They thought it was very disrespectful. Apparently my aunt lied to us because she wanted to sabotage their wedding and they were upset that no one checked with them about the dress code. This explains why my cousin and his wife have been standoffish toward us since the wedding."
"TBH we think they're overreacting because we all had fun at their wedding and it's not our fault we got bad info about the dress code. And they never specified the dress code in the invitation. But I still have to ask. AITA?"
We find out in the comments that the aunt specifically informed people that the reception was a back yard BBQ and they should all wear whatever they wanted. It turned out to be a catered event where the couple, the wedding party and the bride's family stayed appropriately dressed.
Still, the original poster and her husband opted not to change back into their appropriate clothing. Not only that, but others saw them change and decided to change as well. They ended up starting a whole trend of the groom's family changing into scrubby clothes for the reception!
The consensus came in loud and clear - Yup, you're an ass... but so is the aunt.
"Daisy dukes and a hoodie are not "casual" in terms of wedding attire. Casual would have been nice slacks and a pretty top or jacket. Your attire was more like Saturday night at the stock car races. I would have been upset with you too and the family members in tee shirts and ball caps were similarly underdressed." - CatPersonMax
"Honestly I don't blame the aunt for saying it's casual dress, maybe she meant "I wanted them to have a black tie event but they're not". In what world do you hear casual wedding and show up in literal daisy dukes lmao." - LevyMevy
"OP even says at one point that she thought it was "weird" that the bride, groom and wedding party were dressed to the nines. This part had me dying. So instead of realizing her mistake and changing she somehow thinks that the BRIDE AND GROOM are improperly dressed for the occasion? Lol" - LucyBluth
"You were tricked, that aunt is the a-hole and I'd never talk to her again. But casual in context of a wedding definitely doesn't mean take to the extreme (unless they very clear), like wear smartish clothes instead of suits, not shorts and hoodie, unless you checked with bride/groom." - veggiebuilder
As bad as all of that was, it was only about to get worse.
The original poster decided to defend themselves by elaborating on why they didn't check with the couple or apologize. Apparently, they didn't check with the couple because they aren't close to their cousin (the groom) and they don't actually speak to the bride since she is from another country and she is "hard to understand."
And they don't feel like they should apologize since everyone had fun, so it clearly wasn't a big deal. Also since they're not close to the cousin they felt apologizing would be sooo awkward. The poster then repeatedly referred to the time as "a very nice vacation" - proving that the wedding was completely unimportant to them.
Let's turn back to Reddit for some more reactions.
"I was going to say that you were not the a$ until you said that you thought your cousin was overreacting about it all. It is their wedding day, a special time in their lives and you wore something that is entirely too casual."
"No, they are not overreacting, they are perfectly upset about it for the right reasons."
"Then I read some of your comments and the one that stuck out the most was that 'I am not close to my cousin, but I am close to my aunt so maybe I can get her to apologize for me'."
"Are you seriously so much of a coward that you would have someone else do what you should be doing just because it makes you uncomfortable? Also, this is the same aunt that tried to ruin the wedding in the first place and you want to use her to do your dirty work?"
"Please tell me that you are not that stupid. Honestly, if I were your cousin and I found out about all of this, I would cut you out of my life and never speak to you again. Mainly because you have shown that you are incredibly immature, a flat out coward, while also being a major a$hole.""
"Sorry OP, but you are definitely the a$ in this situation." - Diablo1221993
"You're not close with your cousin, and you won't speak to his wife AT HER OWN WEDDING because she's from another country and you can't understand her. This alone puts you into the massive a-hole category. Why did you even show up? I don't even understand why OP was invited. What a waste of money that could have been spent on having friends they actually wanted to attend." - cynical_lioness
"holyyyyy moly especially after reading your comments. I'm curious as to how old you are and why your Aunt has this much control over your own actions."
"She's an ahole too, obviously, but it seems like you absolutely refuse to take responsibility for your own ahole actions. When she told you the dress code was casual did she elaborate and say redneck tailgating casual or did she leave it at 'casual'?"
"You said you don't want to apologize because you aren't close to your cousin, and seem to want to put all the blame on your Aunt. But you went to his wedding, which is a serious & personal event, and you had fun."
"You upset them on one of the biggest days of their lives, and you embarrassed yourself. You owe them an apology. I guess don't apologize if you can't own up to your mistakes, but if you give a nice apology, 'Hey I'm really sorry about the dress code confusion. I hope I didn't spoil your big day. Your wedding was awesome and we had a lot of fun'.. you can probably save being known as the girl who wore daisy dukes to a wedding" - redheaddtit
"Mostly, you're the a$ for trying desperately to deflect responsibility onto everyone else. Just put on your big girl pants and apologize. Being stubborn and unwilling to apologize 'because it's awkward' is worse than your deed, IMO." - Smolbean07
"You're the a-hole, and this seems to go way beyond just a dress code. The groom's mother sabotaged the wedding, you didn't speak to the bride at her wedding because of her accent and insult her for being upset over that fact, and you want someone else to apologize on your behalf."
"Maybe the bride and groom just don't feel like the family was overly supportive of their marriage. From your responses, you don't seem overly open to the idea that you were in the wrong, receptive to the idea of apologizing or bothered by the fact that the bride and groom might feel disrespected, so I'm unsure of the motivations of this post." - CMCkenn20
So let's wrap this up.
Firstly, "casual" at a wedding doesn't mean shorts specifically cut to show off your butt cheeks, a hoodie and some flip flops. Secondly, never trust the person who is proudly trying to sabotage a wedding. Third, the bride and groom are probably not the ones inappropriately dressed for their own wedding.
And finally, just don't go to a wedding where you refuse to speak to one (or both) of the people getting married. Reddit has spoken, the original poster (and Awful Auntie) were both way out of line.
But what do you think?
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