Teen Asks If She's In The Wrong For Telling Her Dad She Hates Her Step-Siblings After They Knocked Over Her Dead Mom's Urn
Merging families do not always end up being blissful as depicted in The Brady Bunch, with potato sack races and seesaw marathons.
This teenager's new siblings did the unthinkable by knocking over an urn in her bedroom containing her mother's ashes, and no sage advice from dad could persuade her to forgive the rambunctious brood.
Besides, how do you offer forgiveness towards people who never apologized?
Redditor "Step_famAITA" was furious and asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) for telling her father that she loathes her step-brothers and sisters.
Here's the story:
"My mom died when I was like 4 and my dad remarried when I was 6."
"My step mom is alright and I don't have any problems with her."
"She had 3 kids from a previous marriage, [who are now] an 18yo girl 17yo boy and 15yo girl [6, 5 and 3 at the time the families merged], I am 18 so I'm the same age as the oldest, but I'm older by a couple months."
"At first when we all moved in I was happy to have siblings, but the feeling wasn't mutual at all and they excluded me a lot from things."
"Saying that I'm 'not one of them' and other crap like that. Me and the 17yo fought A LOT like almost daily, nothing too bad just dumb kid stuff."
"Our parents nipped that in the bud but arguments with him were daily till i was like 13 and just gave up."
"The 18yo HATES me, cause of me and her brother fighting a lot and same with the 15yo."
"My dad and step mom tried to make us all one blended family but it just didn't work, I was open to it but they were intent on just blocking me out."
"Around 12 I just stopped trying and did my own thing, I have absolutely 0 relationship or attachment with any of them."
What happened recently was the last straw.
"I was away at a friends house and I forgot to lock the door to my room. My step siblings have had a problem with going into my room cause I keep my stuff organized and I'm the only one with a tv in my room (I paid for it)."
"And they watch tv, I usually just let them to avoid talking to them."
"I have a mini memorial of my mom in my room that has a plaque of my mom and her urn. It's not much but I like it."
"I guess all 3 were watching tv and somehow my urn got knocked over.........a lot of the ash is now in my carpet and now it's basically just an empty thing."
"When I got home I flipped my sh*t, it got bad enough that my dad came into my room and sent them out."
"When I told him what happened he said that he's sorry and that he will talk to them. (This is where I may be the AH) my dad said something about never being too mad at 'family.'"
"I had enough and told him exactly this 'they aren't my family, they have made home life sh*t for years and now knocked over the ashes of my mom. I f'king HATE them.'"
"He went quiet and didn't say anything and just left my room."
"My step siblings haven't apologized (not that I'd accept anything they say). I feel bad what I said to my dad but I don't regret a word of what I said. AITA?"
There was no debate over this.
"NTA. I hate them after reading this." – k3ndeezy
"I wouldn't pour Hitler's mums ashes out on purpose."
"Even to my worst enemy this sort of thing is Terrible."
"And to not apologize is unfathomable. I hate them after reading this." – _machine_elf_
People speculated the brats deliberately knocked over the urn.
"You can bet those little sh*ts made sure the lid was loose before they 'accidentally' knocked it over. It was totally intentional." – victoriestotaste
"It takes effort to spill someone out into the carpet. Deliberate effort." – heili
"They still had no reason to be touching it i the first place. People are allowed to have breakable things in their room."
"They're a**holes and I'm furious on your behalf." – ketita
There was a discussion about how cremains are typically stored and if the OP had the rest of the ashes stored somewhere else.
"the cremains are usually in a bag inside the urn." – basic_glitch
"What absolute a**holes. NTA. Your dad and step mom should ripped them a new one for that bullsh*t."
"On another note, I feel like this is common thread of issues with urns...... they get knocked over and spill."
"I feel like this is common thread of issues with urns...... they get knocked over and spill. Why don't they make screw on tops or secured tops of some sort?" – DistractedAttorney
"My husband's urn doesn't have any type of lock, but his cremains are in a very heavy plastic bag tied up inside the urn, so spillage isn't an option."
"OP, do you not have access to the rest of your mother's cremains?"
"Can you not get a little more to replace those that were lost? I'm sad for you and sending you a hug. NTA at all!" – Ghost_of_a_Black_Cat
"I don't know whether this is common, but when my grandmother died, we got three matching urns in three sizes; the biggest was buried with her husband, the middle one is my mom's / to scatter, and the tiniest one is with me."
"I assumed that this commenter assumed that OP had a smaller urn and could gather more from a bigger one." – basic_glitch
"My grandma's ashes are in what is essentially a large Ziploc bag inside the urn."
"We got them that way from the crematorium and never messed with it."
"I feel like that would totally avoid any issues with shoddy sealing mechanisms and should be industry standard." – Reguluscalendula
This user offered a helpful suggestion
"Just an idea to pick up the rest of her cremains if you haven't done so already. Stick a couple layers of tights or leggings over the end of a vacuum, the layers will let the air be sucked through but will catch most of the ash." – That_One_L
The topic of proper parenting was not overlooked.
"I'm also pretty mad at the adults in this situation. They have done a shit job of managing their children." – beka13
"And how he's still defending his stepbrats and not comforting his kid over this. Like damn. What a failure of a parent." – vanishplusxzone
So many questions.
"I don't get how this standoff between the kids has been allowed to endure like this."
"The oldest of them was 6 when their parents got married, and they're 18 now."
"Kids that young who are living together as a family for this long shouldn't have this much trouble bonding. I feel like there's something missing."
"Is their biological dad pushing them not to accept their new family? Is the mom somehow (unintentionally) rewarding the bad behavior, maybe with attention? Was there some incident between the 4 of them as children that left a permanent divide?" – Winnimae
Mom always said, "Don't play ball in the house." Or invade your stepsister's room and empty her mother's cremains all over the floor.
It sounds like a family meeting and, most importantly, apologies are in order.