Ah, the magic of human reproduction and the wonders of pregnancy.
To carry actual life inside you, a beautiful and intimate feedback loop.
A truly life-changing experience, one imagines. Except for when it's terrifying, of course.
Like for example when you realize that even the, um, very adult parts of your life are also part of your baby's life. And you realize it while you're in the middle of one of those adult moments.
A woman on Reddit recently had just that realization, and is was so harrowing--and hilarious--it quite literally made her sick!
The story, titled TIFU By Giving My Husband a BJ, comes to us via a woman calling herself CaffeineFueledLife, who posted her unfortunate tale to the TIFU (Today I Fuc*ed Up) subReddit. And suffice to say it's enough to make us all anxious about the prospect of having sex during pregnancy.
Her explicit story starts out reasonably enough. *NSFW*
"I'm 7 months pregnant. I'm at the point where I'm large and uncomfortable and regular sex is getting awkward. I'm also dealing with a lot of pain in my back, hips, and legs."
"So, we decided to just play around. Kinda felt like my teenage years when i didn't want to give it up, yet. He got me off a few times with mouth and fingers. It was amazing."
frances mcdormand smiling GIF by MauditGiphy
Well that's nice for them.
Glad they found a work-around.
But then things took a turn...
"I went down to return the favor. I was getting into it and doing my best work."
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But then things go... very wrong...
"Just as he was coming in my mouth, I suddenly thought, 'everything I swallow goes to my baby.'"
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Oh... oh no...
"It grossed me out. I started gagging and had to run to the bathroom and threw up all my dinner. I couldn't stop the reaction.
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This is a disaster...
"He comes in and holds my hair and cleans up the splatter on the toilet while I'm brushing my teeth and using mouthwash."
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Wow.
Just... wow.
"So, now I'm worried that I've hurt my husband or made him feel like he's unattractive or something. He's not acting weird about it but I'm afraid he's bothered and hiding it, even though he's assuring me that he's not."
"I feel like a shitty wife. Damn hormones and overthinking brain."
Well now hold on a minute.
Stop Right There Marianne Williamson GIFGiphy
No need to beat yourself up, CaffeineFueledLife.
At least she maintained her sense of humor:
"TLDR [Too Long Didn't Read] hormones and overthinking caused me to throw up after giving my husband a blow job because I didn't want my baby eating her siblings."
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And thankfully, OP's [Original Poster] husband took it all in stride.
"...I did explain right away. He just said, 'Well, I guess we're not doing that for a while.'"
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And for what it's worth, OP realized she's being a touch ridiculous... but nonetheless, relatable.
"Also, I've taken biology classes. I know it's an irrational thought. Pregnancy is full of those. As for brushing my teeth, we were headed right to bed and I didn't want to sleep with puke breath so I weighed the pros and cons and figured it couldn't hurt too much to brush right after once."
Anyway, as you might guess, OP's fellow Redditors were very entertained and many could relate.
"One time I jokingly told my wife 'What if the baby grabs my dick?' She cracked up." --b1ack1323
"My wife 'puked on my dick' while she was at about the same stage of pregnancy. She was so apologetic and embarrassed about it. I was worried about her but not grossed out in any way. When I (frequently) bring it up now I joke that it was the size that gagged her. (We all know that isn't the case)." --jrwhill
"Seriously. This guy knows he's got it good if his wife intiates blowjobs AND swallows. I doubt his self image would be too hampered by this". --Frumundahs4men
"I didn't want my baby eating her siblings"
Best TLDR ever." --livinlavidalola29
"It's a gross thought, for sure, but how else are you supposed to get a Compound MegaBaby?" --BrentWorthington
"'Do you want to feed the baby' takes on a whole new meaning" --kenyard
"Hopefully he'll laugh because it seems quite funny to me as I'd probably do the same and laugh about it.'I didn't want my baby eating her siblings' it's the funniest but accurate thing I've heard." --demasiado-internet
"Damn. I want the kind of guy who will hold my hair after I've vomited because he came in my mouth." --NaBacLeis
"Pregos vomit if you look at them wrong. This is an easily excusable reaction to splooge in the back of your throat." --b1ack1323
'Everything I swallow goes to my baby' The best line ever lol its still making me laugh" --omg00258
In the end, the OP's husband seemed to be totally okay, with the exception of one small detail...
"Also, he found this. And he said, 'You sold our sex life for a reddit silver.' Lmao, guess I did."
Worth it.
The book The Mother's Guide to Sex: Enjoying Your Sexuality Through All Stages of Motherhood is available here.
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