Ultra-Religious Dad Sends His Daughter's Ex-Boyfriend A Truly Bonkers Letter After Finding Out He Took Her Virginity
A man was forced to reckon with his old high school relationship when an extremely strange letter showed up in his mailbox.
The letter did not come from his old girlfriend, however. It was from her dad. And that guy has not moved on from the breakup at all.
For the man in question, who is now married, the note was simply too bizarre to keep to himself. He shared it with a friend, who then posted it on Twitter.
The post has attracted some notice on the site, pulling in over 50,000 likes.
The letter was centered on a single driving theme: revenge. With letter's opening paragraph, the father wasted no time explaining what he was so upset about.
"It has been nearly two years since you stole my daughter's virginity. Initially, it was my intention to forgive you. But after I confronted you about it and expressed repentance, I later learned that you had gone and done the same to others."
"Moreover, you regarded the matter more like a game than the despicable deed it was. So, I have decided to irrevocably retract my offer of forgiveness."
He expanded on his unforgiving logic in the next paragraph.
"In the interim I have thought, prayed and studied the Scriptures seeking for an appropriate response. At the time I was a man of modest means and you deliberately took from me my most precious treasure. A treasure I invested my heart and soul and every available resource created."
"For a brief pleasure, you forever took from me the sublime joy of giving my pure, virgin daughter away in marriage to her chosen husband. Moreover you broke trust with me and God, for you promised me as a Christian brother to diligently guard against this very act."
Don't let that "Christian brother" bit fool you. This would not end at forgiveness revoked. Dad quickly moved on to biblically informed plans for punishment.
"I will tell you that my wrath against you is so great that to kill you by prolonged and extreme torture followed by the thorough desecration and destruction of your corpse would not be enough to extinguish my anger."
"However, I am restrained from doing violence against you by the sole fact that I have given my heart to our Savior, Jesus Christ; and doing willful harm to a fellow Christian is an impossibility."
With death and corpse desecration off the table, the vengeful father cited a few passages from the Old Testament that he claimed help to inform his particular revenge plans.
After listing those, he ironed out the particulars.
"So, I have decided to petition to the courts of heaven to take from you and give to me that which is your dearest possession: your youth and all the good that goes with it."
"Specifically, I demand divine restitution that will age you and rejuvenate me 49 years."
"Therefore, if from this date you discover that you have aged significantly or are aging rapidly, know that it is not a medical condition. It is the judgment of God."
"Nor will I relent and give it back to you under any circumstances. For nothing you can do could restore my daughter's virginity and our family's honor."
The father closed the letter with another warning, and a wild claim.
"Lastly, I will add you have committed the act of fornication. This is specifically forbidden to Christians, grieves the Holy Spirit and condemns the perpetrator to eternal torment in hell."
"I have actually seen hell firsthand and assure you that it is very real and terrible beyond description."
Twitter immediately jumped on the letter's most bizarre points, and made some other commentary along the way.
Damn. I do not have “Dying Boomer Bible Lawyer's Dorian Gray Revenge sympathetic magic demand letter" on my mid-apocalypse bingo card
— Phi ⚛️ (@sci_phi) May 28, 2020
I'm particularly alarmed that your friend's Christianity is the deciding factor which keeps this gentleman from straight-up murdering him.
— Azure 'Hugo/AO3 Soulmark' Lunatic (@azurelunatic) May 28, 2020
Tell him bathing in the blood of virgins has given you an extended lifespan and you will happily sacrifice 49 years if he will spend just 6 months in therapy.
— Molly Miller (@Arghlita) May 28, 2020
It's gross and makes me wonder why he's so invested in the daughter's virginity. He does know that she's not property, right?
— Michele Grimmett (@MicheleGrimmett) May 28, 2020
Apparently the father who wrote the letter even saw the thing on Twitter. He reached out to the guy who posted it.
Ol Dad deleted me on Facebook. I am devastated pic.twitter.com/tvWp1v8kRe
— Isaac N. (@isaactweeting) May 31, 2020
And of course, there were the memes.
Deuteronomy 22:29 says best her father can ask for is fifty shekels (50 NIS about $15 at current exchange rates).
These folks gotta read their damned manual. pic.twitter.com/1jniHGPHlO
— Ian Mitchell (@Iansmitchell) May 28, 2020
So in a few years keep your eyes peeled for a wild story about a rapidly aging man. If it happens, you know where it all began.