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teen pregnancy
That's the problem a young woman recently posed to Reddit, and the answers she got were pretty interesting.
The Redditor in question, who goes by the username dedlife893, took her issue to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit, where people post their quandaries in order to have anonymous strangers on the internet decide if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
The Original Poster (OP) titled her post, "AITA for telling my parents they made my sister getting pregnant ruin my life?" and it's quite the dramatic story.
"Shes 23 F[emale] i'm 18F. Grandma died 8 years ago, and she left more than enough money to pay for all her grandkid's college educations with a few stipulations: dont get arrested, do drugs, be a drunk, get pregnant/get someone else pregnant."
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That seems reasonable.
But...
"The money was put into accounts in the parents names since we were all kids then."
"In sophomore year my sister got pregnant. Sh*t hit the fan panicking about college, the baby daddy left & she hasnt tried to find him/get child support, & the stress from that caused a hard complicated pregnancy. both are ok."
"Mom * dad still let her go to college as long as she didnt have another and maintained a 3.5 gpa. which she did. She graduated last December with about 2 grand in debt, I figured her money must have been used to help raise her kid and pay for her pregnancy the past 2.5 years so she had to get a bit of a loan. Which seemed understandable."
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Oh boy, we can all see where this is going...
"Boy I was wrong! I got accepted to my dream college on the other side of the state, but mom kept trying to get me to go to a cheaper one near home so I dont need a dorm and it would be a cheaper school. I asked her why she was so insistent, grandma left plenty of money i thought."
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Yeah, you thought...
"Turns out, they flushed all the money that was supposed to go to me down the toilet to take care of my sister & her kid & her expensive pregnancy, turns out was a lot worse than I was led to believe."
"I broke down and just lost it crying harder than I ever have. Shouting how they fu**ed me over and ruined my life for the kid that fu**ed up. now I'll have at least 70k debt if I go to school."
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Yeah... this is getting messy...
"I guess this upset my sister and she asked in a very upset tone if id rather her be out on the streets destitute and unable to care for her kid(who she 'reminded' me was a living being) because she didnt have an education/support system just so I could go on to college and have a good life."
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Our OP did the most natural thing and let her sister have it.
"I said yes, how its not fair that she got to fu*k up, get drunk and sleep with so many guys she doesnt know who the baby daddy is(something she told me but apparently not mom or dad), kept breaking rule after rule while I havent ever even had sex with my bf. And now Im the one that has to be punished for it."
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"everything just keep devolving in to more yelling/fighting until I left. Ive been staying with my bf for the past few days. I know with the rona i shouldnt go anywhere but i just wanted to be with the one person i feel like actually gives a d*mn about me."
"moms been texting/calling trying to get me to come home, saying if i can just be reasonable and not vilify my sister we can probably work something out. I told her unless she has money grandma left for me dont talk to me until I have my college loans paid off in 50 years."
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Who can blame her?
"Did I go too far? A lot of it was driven by emotion but i really feel fu**ed over here and like im being punished despite being the one that followed the rules."
"I've since slept with my bf, i figure if Im getting punished same as if i would have broken all the rules i can at least have fun."
"3000 char limit is an AH"
But wait! There's more!
"EDIT: been texting sis some this morning to try and mend stuff with her since i didnt think mom and dad spending the money was her fault. she was told about it after she graduated and was asked to keep me in the dark. She has offered to pay for 'a book or two' but not more since she wants to move out to 'get out from under mom and dad's thumb'. probably to party again since she doesnt hide how much she misses it."
"edit 2: there was a bit left after sis got done at college and was told about it all. They decide to use it to get her a car so she'd be able to get to work. and she went along with it.... now im pi**ed at all 3 again."
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Wow, the sneaking-around-the-behind-her-back of it all just makes it so much worse.
As you might guess, OP's fellow Redditors were pretty firmly on her side.
"The parents are cavernous, gaping, prolapsed A**HOLES." --newbodynewmind
"NTA."
"You have every right to be upset. If that was a stipulation of your grandmother's money, then your sister definitely should not have gotten the ride that she did.. Your parents should have done something out of their own money if they wanted to, but they should not have put your education and livelihood in the mix." --AngryGlutton
"NTA, that was YOUR money. If Granny left part of that for YOU, & they had NO right. I can't believe they aren't even somewhat apologetic. Sounds like you are living with some narcissistic people." --OneBuffBitch
"NTA. They stole from you and lied, they didn't even try to build the college fund back up..." --politicalinsensitive
"Fu*k anyone who says the sister is not the a**hole. She knew as well as you did that your parents were not well off, therefore the money had to come from SOMEWHERE....and I see you said in a previous comment that they told her not to tell you. SHE KNEW."
"That means they ALL intentionally screwed you, and people have the audacity to question your response?? Your sister as well as your parents made their choice. Now you get to make yours. Get your gotd*mn money back. NTA." --Silver6Rules
In fact ppl were so adamant that OP is NTA, that most of them urged her to take legal action.
"NTA, i believe there is a legal advice subreddit? Go there because if your grandmother left instructions for the money that was ignored by those holding it. You can sue regardless of it being in your parents name." --Current-Read
"NTA"
"You may be able to sue your parents to get that money back. If Grandma's will was that specific about what the money could be used for, then your parents misappropriated your funds. Your parents need to come up with that money..." --teresajs
"Yes if the money was left for the parents to use for the benefit of a minor the parents need to take out loans. Not OP." --lsp2005
"NTA Seconded! You could and SHOULD sue them for misappropriated funds because if I read correctly she left it in her will with stipulations and obviously your parents did not abide by a legal binding contract..." --mysterio527
"NTA - Threaten to sue them for the money. That sounds like fraud. Your parents and sister should pay you back without it going to court and you should let them settle. But if they don't your parents should cough up..." --sdkjfoeijoenl
And in her final addendum, OP says she did just that.
"EDIT 3: emailed my copy of the will to the laywer. he says due to how it was set up he cant be certain right now we have a case but theres a good shot."
Here's hoping OP figures out a good solution for college.
*If you enjoyed this article, you can read more like it by clicking on the AITA link below.*
The book 1001 Ways to Pay for College: Strategies to Maximize Financial Aid, Scholarships and Grants is available here.