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skills i wish i could put on a resume
Reddit user u/onionslu* asked:
"What is something you are very proud of, but can't put on your resume?"
I'm a survivor
GiphyMy body blasting full blown stage 4 cancer into full remission after just three chemo treatments, and keeping it there ever since. I'm really, really happy about that, but it's just not relevant for a resume.
Orange
I can fit a whole orange in my mouth. It's either weird or creepy to tell a potential boss this.
Like a big orange though or just a mandarin orange?
One big orange or about 4/5 manderins because they take up a lot of room.
Cat
GiphyI trained my cat to use the toilet
You could put it in your resume if you were applying for a cat training position
Fix a hole
When I was in high school I threw a party and a friend drunkenly put a hole in the wall right by the entrance. My parents would be back in a little over 24hrs. The day following the party I went to Home Depot and explained to the guy working there my situation. To which he basically told me " yeah dude, you don't have enough time to fix a hole in the wall " After getting all the supplies, I figured I was good to go out with some friends for a while, come home and quickly fix the wall.
I come home from being out around 10pm, giving me about 12 hours before my parents would come home. I fill up the hole with the mesh and sheetrock. Now it's all filled up and smooth, still wet and obviously a different color than the wall itself. I remembered that my mom painted the wall herself a few years back and there are still paint cans left over in the basement.
After grabbing a can that matched the color of the wall I got ready to cover the spot. The second I painted onto the wall I immediately noticed the paint color was too dark. It's the same color but a much darker shade so my mom must've thought it was too dark and added white to lighten the color. So I go back to the basement for white paint. I spend the next few hours trying to find the right shade that my mom used so my wall would match in color with the surrounding walls. After an eternity I finally get the right color! It's 3-4am at this point and I paint the whole wall.
Once I'm done the wall looks great, you can't even tell there was ever a hole. My next obvious issue is the smell of paint. One step into the house and my parents would immediately know something isn't right, it reeks of paint.
That's when I remembered seeing a can of blue paint in the basement. I grab the blue paint and a poster board used from a school project and make a sign saying WELCOME HOME. I then hang the sign in the same room as the wet wall, on an opposite wall to draw attention there and off the painted wall. I purposely leave the can of blue paint there on the floor with the lid off to help sell the reason for the strong smell of paint.
Then I went to bed, exhausted and with only a few hours to spare. I woke up when they arrived to greet them/ see if I was gunna get busted or not. My plan worked like a charm! I got away with it. They loved the welcome home sign. I know what you must be wondering, but what about the wet paint!? There's no way it dried in time! You're right, it was 100% still wet when they arrived, I just prayed nobody would touch the wall!
That's one of my stories I'm actually very proud of! That was over 10yrs ago and I'm still just as proud today of that accomplishment as I was back then.
I'm glad some of you enjoyed the story!
Now for a little back story on just how screwed I would've been had I gotten busted. I grew up in a very conservative family and my dad was super strict, someone you never wanted to piss off or mess with, though he's a lot more relaxed now and we have a great relationship.
My parents never found out about it and still don't know to this day. Now we can all definitely laugh about it but life just kinda happens and the years have passed by and I haven't told them. Haven't really thought about it until last night as I was writing it all out. Maybe the next time the whole family is together I'll share it!
I have three brothers. Two much younger ones, like 8-9 years younger. Then I have a younger bro very close to my age. He's the only one in my family who knows about it because he was actually at that party that night. Though he didn't help, his exact words were " your party, your problem " as we both stood staring at the hole.
As for my friend who drunkenly punched the wall, we are still very close friends. He got married a few months ago and it was a great night!
History
This is lame, but my history knowledge. I have a decent sketch of western history in my head from Romans to the Soviet Union and a loose knowledge of the present, but it's not really useful in any way.
Not like the guy who trained his cat to use the toilet.
Motorcycle
GiphyI've ridden my motorcycle solo across the US four times, visited 40 states and camped at every Nat'l Park you can get to without a boat. Map of the journeys.
It's been a hell of a trip, but not a professional selling point.
WOW
Being rank 1 in World of Warcraft arena during TBC on my Rogue. I am doing a PhD so there's enough stuff on my CV, but I am strangely proud of how well me and my team did in that game.
L'Oreal
My review of a beauty product made it into a L'Oreal national ad campaign in my favorite fashion magazine. My mom joked that I could now call myself a published author.
Hardcore
I've written comfortably more than a million words of hardcore erotica, and made a living doing so for years.
This does not feature on the CV, for obvious reasons.