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Dating is hard. There's no two ways about it.
One of the reasons is that everything about dating, from date etiquette to ways to get dates is ever-changing. Sometimes this makes things easier.
However, it is just as likely that the changes makes things harder. This, at least, is the current opinion of Redditors, and they were eager to share the reasons why.
It all started when Redditor Cay_Bakes asked:
"Single people, what is like being in the dating scene now a days?"
Fairweather Friends
"People are flaky as fu**k. They aren't trying or putting effort in. Not willing to have honest conversations."
– tristanjones
"Everyone is always looking for something better, no one seems to be able to hold a conversation, and my God it's nearly impossible to get someone to meet you in person."
– deliriousgoomba
"Absolutely horrible. It’s almost impossible to get more than two dates anymore. All my peers, men and women agree."
– KillaMavs
"I had a first date that seemed to go pretty well this week. She’s going home for the holidays and says she’ll message me after she’s back. I’m just mentally prepping myself to get ghosted."
– Pd245
May The Odds Be Ever In Your Favor
"It's awful, not fun at all. Online dating makes the whole thing feel like the job application process."
"I dunno what college is like now, but I miss going to new classes or moving into new dorm rooms and being surrounded by new classmates and new neighbors. Or on weekends when everyone was trying to have a good time. It was so much easier to meet people of a similar age on a regular basis. Doing the whole dance of getting to know someone was also fun, like trying to figure out who to talk to at a party that was close enough with a girl to introduce me rather than have to awkwardly approach her myself, or finally getting someone's number so you could take the conversation beyond class and text back and forth into the wee hours of the night."
"Now though? It reminds of me filling out my resume but being asked to upload it anyway only to never get an interview or do an interview that results in nothing because they just did it as a formality to make it look like they were trying to find someone rather than just give the job to the boss's nephew."
"And meeting people in person is a massive effort that rarely amounts to anything. They say you should join clubs or go to classes, any setting where you're gonna be social and going on a regular basis. Yeah, go do that. But don't be surprised when it's all dudes with the same idea or older married couples trying to find something to do with their new empty nest."
"Just seems like the odds aren't in your favor as soon as you graduate college."
– debtopramenschultz
"I stay on the sidelines and wait for a miracle...I'll probably be single until I die..."
– trongzoon
They're Just Not That Into Me
"It sucks. The closest thing I even had to a boyfriend, was almost 6 months ago, and I was dumped by him, and the dude was hiding a whole a** wife, the whole two years we were together. I see my friends jump into relationships without being healed first, and they are so bossy and aggressive and insecure, yet they’re able to get past the talking stage and I seem to not. And whenever I show interest in a guy who is interested first, they seem to fall off the face of the earth; I’m not a clingy person, but what the f**k? It’s ghetto here."
– Deleted User
A Numbers Game
"It's pretty bad honestly."
"Online dating convenience has flooded the dating pool with competition, socially inept or borderline undateable people. This means more horrible conversations, more issues with safety/rejection/abuse, more bad dates etc. The people who weren't able to enter the dating market previously now have a way to via dating apps."
"Ghosting has become the norm as a result of the above."
"On the flipside if you manage to get into a relationship, people are more likely than ever to call it quits at the first minor inconvenience. Lots of things are "red flags" when in reality it's a pretty easy thing to compromise or ask the person to figure out with you. It's like nobody's willing to put in any work and they stopped believing in compromise. I get that our parents and grandparents had to deal with a lot of sh*t and some may have stayed together way past their time, but we've swung in the complete opposite direction."
"This extends outside dating, but social media and the internet has conditioned people to constantly seek new stimulation which leads to people not wanting to "settle down" or at least having super high standards in order to. I'd argue social media has also skewed our standards on physical beauty. Sure we've had supermodels and celebrities for ages, but I think the notion that these weren't ordinary people was far more ingrained than now where influencers are a dime a dozen so everyone has deluded themselves to think that beauty standard is super common and therefore they're entitled to date someone who looks like that."
"All this means that more than ever dating is a numbers game and people get burned out emotionally, mentally and sometimes literally physically/financially as they try and navigate the numbers."
– Sumo-Subjects
Pure Exhaustion
"I went on like 60 first dates in the last 2 years. I’m a really fit guy that takes good pics so getting matches and dates is easy for me but man, I am so burned out."
"When I schedule a date I’m not excited for it at all. I’ve had the same convos over and over again. And I just can’t get myself to care or pretend to care. I’m gonna take a long break."
– wanderingdust
Please Hire Me
"As a heterosexual single guy in their early 30s, dating apps feel like applying for a job instead of looking for someone compatible. It's weird."
– Tronn3000
I'm A Loser, I Need A Winner
"I’m convinced Covid lockdown made people think that being unhealthy, unkept, and out of shape was ok while also feeling entitled to a partner who is none of these things."
– 011_0108_180
"I think this is an underrated comment. It does seem like a lot of people expect what they themselves are not. They want a fit partner but aren’t and don’t attempt to exercise. They want a successful partner but aren’t even by their own standards. They want a hot partner but aren’t. They want a fascinating partner who entertains them all the time but they’re boring af. You have to be the kind of person you want to date and people who put an immense amount of work into themselves will expect the same of a partner, particularly the older you get."
– allchattesaregrey
"Just got a message from my friend telling how her date yesterday went. Said the guy was like x3 times fatter than his Tinder photos and spend a good portion of a date talking about his preferences in women: young, thin, rich, smart etc. And quickly changed the subject when she asked him about his job lol."
– aoi4eg
Damned If You Do, Damned If You Don't
"As a 28-year-old male, it's about how much you can bring to the table but rarely about what they can. If you have standards, you're judgemental, but if you're not in the top 1% of looks and money you're beneath them and not worth the time."
"You're nothing like their ex, until they are mad at you, then you're just like their ex."
"They're super into you one moment, and the next they don't reach out or respond for days and expect you to know what it means."
"Everyone seems to be in a rush to get married before 30, or to stay single as long as possible and have as much dates and sex as possible."
"They're likely using you to get over someone else, but if you have any doubts about their intentions, you'll be lied to and subject to gaslighting."
"They have every right to know where you are and what you're doing, guilty until proven innocent. But if you ask what they're up to it's creepy and stalkerish."
"If they think you have a lot of sexual experience, you're a f**kboy and can't be trusted. If they think you have little sexual experience then there must be something wrong with you and therefore you are undesirable."
"That's been my experience."
– Accomplished_War6308
Que Sera Sera
"Everyone tells me I should end my 10 year relationship because I deserve better but then I read threads like this and realize my options are stay with who I’m already with as long as possible, or just start being alone forever now. It’s terrifying."
– GlizzyMcGuire__
Date After Date
"I went out with a girl recently and we had an amazing date. It went 10 times better than I ever could have expected. I thought that there could be something there and she kept reassuring me how much she liked me and wants to see me again."
"She called me the next day and said she met someone else, but that we had such a connection I deserved a phone call instead of a text. She went on another date literally minutes after we parted ways."
"So it really seems like girls have all the choices in the matter and average looking dudes like me get shafted."
– Chucklehead430
In A Rich Man's World
"I found that women no longer want a white horse and a carriage, they prefer a white Porsche and some carats."
– Emotional_Win1430
Too Much Pain, No Gain
"I'm not sure if it's different if you're still in education but if you're not, it's pretty much exclusively online these days. I see men who are definitely into me at work and the gym but because it's seen as "wrong" to date people from any of these sorts of places, nothing happens and so we're all forced onto apps. When I was at uni I'd get into relationships and situationships no problem. Now it's an absolute minefield where you're lucky to get a few dates out of someone."
"I'm 28F so I get plenty of likes on these apps, so that's not an issue. I don't match with many because so many men convey on their profiles that they're not good matches (e.g. they're whiny or negative or mention major baggage) or are just there to farm Instagram followers. When you do match with someone, most of them can't hold a conversation to save themselves and if they do, most of the time they disappear after three days or so. You get someone's number, you think it'll go somewhere. But most of the time, they'll still stop replying randomly or never want to meet up."
"Then you get the few who you do meet. Many of them are just looking for a pump and dump, so you're not getting a second meet anyway whether you put out or not. Of the ones who aren't looking for this, many of them turn out to be personality black holes who could somehow hide that over text. Then you get the usual nonsense where a lot of them turn out to be game players, manipulators, even outright scary (the most recent second date I had resulted in the guy berating and insulting me in the middle of my local because I was a bit tired from work that day.) And then remember that, even if you do keep chatting to them after this date and arrange more meets, that they can just disappear at any point without giving you an explanation."
"I want to find someone more than anything but dating has honestly just ruined my mental health. I took a break recently and I felt amazing, and then a few weeks after trying again I went back to feeling awful. I'm now starting to wonder if finding someone would be worth all the pain and bs I have to deal with, since my solitude is a lot more peaceful and content than this."
– contrabassoony
Yikes!
"A guy invited me to his house, showed me around, showed me his fish tanks (which...really, calling it an aquarium would NOT be an understatement), gave me free entry to the (actual) aquarium he works at, a behind the scenes tour, and let me feed the sea horses. When I asked for his number, he said he wasn't interested. That's what it's like."
"EDIT: Reading over this, I actually sound insane. I'd like to clarify that I did not go to a strangers house as soon as I met them and they promised a view of fish, he lived very close to a popular fishing spot and my dad was outside fishing 20 metres away. It's hard to describe the location without out-right giving it away."
–PinkishBlurish
Don't Put This On Me
"I had a second date yesterday with someone from an app, and I almost didn’t give him the second chance because of red flags on the first date. But the pickings are slim out here so I figured why not. He invited me to a Christmas concert at his church. Awesome. I show up at the time he said and he texts, “Oh sorry I meant I was leaving at that time.”"
"I’m thinking ok weird cause the concert is starting now… so I go and sit toward the back and save him a seat. More than I should have done for him at this point honestly. He comes in later and sits on the other side of the church??? And it was a smallish church. He saw me. I text him where I am and he doesn’t come join me. I enjoyed the wonderful concert with friends from my own church that happened to show up late as well. Afterward, I figured he’d come talk to me???"
"I was complimenting the music director at the church and I see my “date” walking away towards a bar down the street?? I catch his eye and put up my finger like hey wait just a minute I’m finishing this convo. And he keeps walking and leaves. Well, obviously I’m like good riddance at that point. What a freaking weirdo."
"And he has the NERVE to text me later all mopey and butt hurt saying I chose not to sit with him???? When he clearly chose not to sit with me. Just….? What???? I hate dating in my thirties and these men aren’t even trying AT ALL."
– DysautonomicSoul
Dating Is Supposed To Be Fun
"Exactly! I’m not in the dating scene anymore, but when I was I found online dating awesome because I’m confident in who I am and wasn’t trying to make a huge f**king deal out of every date."
"Like everyone here saying it’s like applying for a job or so stressful is missing the point of dating. Like sure we all are in it to find a partner but also it should be FUN. Putting tons of pressure on yourself to find “THE ONE” as quick as possible is unnecessary and counterproductive. Be yourself, be firm in your needs and boundaries, and MOVE ON if it doesn’t click. I don’t understand why people waste their time with someone they aren’t immediately compatible with."
The problem I keep seeing with my single friends is they drag out the “talking” phase for weeks, and then they have like a sunk cost fallacy going on when they finally meet the person and it isn’t working. Meeting people as soon as it is (safely) possible is the way to go."
– ifixyospeech
Thankfully, this last response restored my hope!