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nosy parents
One Reddit user asked:
Parents of Reddit, what "secret" do you know about your kids that they don't know that you know?
Some of the responses were downright adorable, others tugged on our heartstrings. We grabbed a few of our favorites to share with you.
YouTube Search History
GiphyMy 9 yr old son has started to search for "girls taking jeans off" on YouTube. I also found out he has a type by his latest search of "brown girls taking jeans off"
Secret Reddit Account
I know my kid has a Reddit account, discovered it when I tried to create a sub about a very specific thing he has created, and I wanted to document/archive all of his creations there for him to see a few years in the future, turned out it already existed.
Went through his post/comment history. He's such a naive and good boy! Couldn't be prouder, always asking questions and helping out people. Gave him gold, never told him.
Whenever me and my wife speak about Reddit stuff he says " wish I could have an account" or "I have never been there, how is it like?" or "that sounds boring"
He's got more karma than me.
You Cannot Fool A Master
GiphyMy 19 year old son thinks I don't know he smokes. LMFAO child please, you cannot fool a master.
Unopened Mail
She's 21, still on my health insurance, still lives at home (helps out with some bills), and I generally pay all the medical bills for all my kids right now.
I don't open mail addressed to my kids, unless it's a medical bill. So without realizing it, I opened a receipt that the clinic sent her. It was fully paid, and clearly used the word abortion.
I don't judge her for it. But she clearly didn't want me to know, so I didn't say anything.
Nephew
I know that my nephew is gay. I don't know if my sister knows yet, but I know. He came to visit a few years back. I let him use my PC. He downloaded a bunch of gay vids and forgot to delete it.
Wet Lingerie
GiphyIf my son finds out about this comment he will be mortified. I will probably have to delete it at some point:
My youngest son, at age 13, would take lingerie out of my dresser drawer, put it on, and wear it in the shower to "choke the chicken." I don't use my lingerie but noticed it in the laundry. My husband approached him and bought him some cheap lingerie for him to keep in his room. To this day he has no clue I know all about it.
- This was not recent, my kids are older now.
- It happened during puberty because he liked the feel of warm silk. It was for tactile pleasure.
- He got caught because he was leaving the wet lingerie in the laundry. Husband does all the laundry and I fold. I didn't know it was showing up wet so at first I thought my cat was getting into my drawer. Hubby suspected it was one of the boys and confronted them until youngest fessed up.
Disabled Parent
I know that she has days when having a disabled parent makes her thoroughly miserable, no matter how much she tries to hide it. I see it and see you kiddo, I know the difference when you are miserable and when you are genuinely happy. You know you can always talk to me, so when you are ready, I'll still be here with a hug and a cup of cocoa.
Stolen Weed
My 14-year-old left his phone at home recently. I never felt the need to scroll through it, but I figured I should just to make sure things were good with everything. One of his best friends was telling him that she stole some of her sisters weed stash and was wondering if he wanted to come over the next day and smoke it with her. His response was "No thanks, and I don't think you should do it either"
I was so proud of him. I wanted to give him a big hug and tell him how proud I was, but I didn't want him to know I was looking at his stuff. So instead I decided we would do a surprise ice cream trip, and when he asked for a double scoop I said yes.
I know in the grand scheme of things a little weed isn't bad, and I know at some point in his life he'll try it, but I'm not ready for him to do that kind of stuff yet.
Letting Her Know I'm An Ally
GiphyI stumbled upon one of my notebooks (I have a bunch of pretty ones on hand when I fill up my journals) in my daughter's clothes hamper when I was collecting laundry. She had written in it about being bisexual (she's going to be 13 next month).
I invited her to a family-friendly Pride Fest in my area, and while perusing buttons at a vendor booth, I found one that say "ALLY" on it and wore it. That night I told her I knew about her secret, and that I love her more than life itself and I was proud of her. She was incredibly relieved to not hold that secret anymore.
Coat, Check Yourself
When I was 16, I lied to my mother every Friday about going to my friends house to sleepover. Little did she know I was actually going to a club in my hometown where I had (again) lied about my age to work as the wardrobe girl. The night she found out was when she passed me her jacket and was shocked to see me working there. She told me she always knew I wasn't going to any sleepovers but she couldn't believe I was actually working rather than partying.
Invisibility Cloak
My son is 4. He still thinks he is invisible when he covers himself with a blanket. Our whole family has made a pact to act like he is. Things should be interesting in a few years
Hide The Wrappers
GiphyMy little brother used to sneak all kinds of snacks and stuff and when he was done he'd "hide" the wrappers in the couch cushions, under his bed, in the VCR, and anywhere else you can think of. Our mother was a stay at home mom and did all of the house cleaning, it was always hilarious when he'd deny and honestly act offended when he was accused of putting ice cream sandwich wrappers in my dads work boots.
"Nobody Slurs When They Have Food Poisoning"
When I was 17, I got really, really drunk at my neighbor's. I was a total mess and was sick for hours (in retrospect, I probably should have gone to the hospital, but hindsight's 20/20). Two friends had to carry me back to my house, change me out of my vomit-stained clothes, and dump me in my bathroom.
They told my dad I had food poisoning.
When he told me years later that he knew I'd been drunk, I was shocked: how could he know? He snorted and said, "Nobody slurs when they have food poisoning."
Two Girlfriends
I know my son has two girlfriends and was lying to them both about it. I thought I had taught him better than that. I sat him down and told him he's not worthy of either of them for what he's doing. He whined about it. I decided he's too immature for a relationship and made him break it off with them both. It was that or I tell them both myself. He's mad, but he'll get over it.
"Electric Toothbrush"
GiphyFound out my parents could hear my vibrator recently when my father politely asked if I could "not use the electric toothbrush late at night" as it had woke them both up a few times.
None of use own an electric toothbrush. I want to die.
Fluent In French
My school district taught students how to speak French starting in Kindergarten. In high school my friends and I were pretty much fluent and would speak French over the phone to make secret plans to hang out after our parents went to sleep.
I learned in college that my mother is fluent in French. I always wondered how she knew I was sneaking out.
Lack Of Computer Skills
Found some VERY Dirty stuff on my browser history after my daughter spent the night (she was 14) and also a Google search on how to delete history, she was unsuccessful. I was very disappointed about her lacking computer skills.
My Little Pony
GiphyMy 6 year old son loves to watch My Little Pony and other such shows on the iPad and whenever his mum or I enter the room he quickly turns it off and won't tell us what he was watching. He acts so embarrassed.
I can't count the number of times I've told him that there are no 'boy' or 'girl' tv shows, and the colors pink or purple are for anyone, not just girls.
Anyway, his friend came over and we were sat watching tv for a little while, and a My Little Pony playset was advertised. My sons friend immediately stated 'I hate my little pony, it's only for girls'. I didn't need to look at my boy to know how he felt, I could feel his heart drop in his chest. So I quickly stated 'well I love my little pony, it's so cool and it doesn't matter whether you're a boy or girl'. My son jolted up in the seat, looked straight at me with a look of shock and said, 'yeah me too!' He sat with a beaming smile on his face for the rest of the afternoon. Gender stereotypes are so tough to break.
TL;DR - my son secretly loves My little pony and his friend declared his hatred for it as it's only for girls. I jumped to its defense and my son loved it.
Amnesia
My little brother (11) does a lot of stupid sh!t then pretends he doesn't remember. Just yesterday, he lit fire to a box of tissues, and when asked about it, he fucking feigned amnesia. He pretended that he didn't know us. I talked to him about it and he thinks that our Mother believed him.
Dressing Like Our Lesbian Neighbor
I came out to my mom and she said she's known ever since I started dressing myself as a kid. Apparently I had a knack for dressing exactly like our lesbian neighbors (and was also really bad at hiding my undying love for the short haired army wife next door)
H/T: Reddit