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Reddit user, u/Terrazor, wanted to know about that one time you did something stupid because of your horniness when they asked: WARNING: Some stories NSFW.
What was the most stupid thing you did because you were horny?
Parking Tickets? Worth It
GiphyMy boyfriend and I were long in a long distance relationship in college. He drove his parents car to visit me and he got two $60 parking tickets in one hour on Friday night (he got the first ticket and moved the car to another illegal parking area). Because it was his parents car, they got the notices in the mail.
And his dad said "ok so obviously your blood was going somewhere besides your head last Friday evening..."
400 Mile Drive? Worth It
Got in the car at 8PM on a Thursday night and drove 400 miles to Colorado to see a girl. Then drove back at at 3PM on Friday. Stayed up for like 30 hours total. Most of which was driving.
Still got some action though.
Fiberglass Insulation? Worth It
Friend of mine took acid, then punched a hole in his wall and stuck his penis in It.
Jokes on him though, there was fiberglass insulation in the wall.
$1000 On Porn? Worth It
Spent 20 bucks worth of bitcoin on a video because I didn't want my parents to find out (linked debit account), two weeks later bitcoin exploded. So I spent about a grand on a f-ckin video that I only watched one time...
Prom Night? Worth It
GiphyJunior prom night, age 16-17.
I sat in my car and beat it in my girlfriend's parents driveway before going to the door to greet everyone, just in case we had sex later that night, I didn't want to disappoint.
I was paranoid that someone would look out the window and see me, so I did it really subtlety, and held my phone to my ear so it would look like I was on the phone with someone instead of just sitting in my car.
We ended up getting married, and she thinks that's the funniest story ever.
No, Really, Paying For Porn? Worth It
Signed up for a subscription porn site because it seemed like it'd be waaaay better than the free amazing porn all over the Internet.
Purchase Hot Pockets? Worth It
Heated up a hotpocket to a luke warm temperature.
You can use your imagination to fill in the blanks.
Just A Good Ol' Fashioned Group Sesh
GiphyWasn't directly me, but I guess I was involved. I was a freshman in high school and part of the Methodist Youth Group. Every year we went to the "big city" about 200 miles away to go to an amusement park. Stayed in a nice hotel, etc. I don't know how the hotel was convinced to let us do this, but to save money, all the guys shared a room, and all the girls shared a room, so basically we were sleeping wherever we could. I put together a couple of chairs and slept on that. Around 2 in the morning, I'm woken up by the TV. All the other guys had decided to charge a porn movie to the room (this was the late 80s - no internet). I couldn't see anything without my glasses and decided I'd rather sleep. Their plan was to get up early and go pay for it before the chaperones were up.
You can probably guess how that went.
Busted, and we got yelled at and our parents told. Fortunately, mine believed me that all I could make out was a fuzzy image of a silver haired buxom woman on top of a guy before I went back to sleep. Now that I think about it, I hope there was no group masturbation session between the guys watching the movie...
Asking Your Parents For Help
I was 8 or 9 at the time when I came up with this ingenious ploy, but I am not entirely sure if it was driven by being horny. Boobs were the goal, though, so it counts—right?
Computers had really just become mainstream and my parents had just bought one. I had gotten the idea that maybe I could look at boobs online. The only issue was I did not know how to spell "naked women" at the time, but I knew who did—my mom! My 8 year old self runs to the kitchen and asks, "Mom, how do you spell naked?" and she explains it to me. I run back to the computer and type "naked", thinking I have struck gold, but I quickly realize I don't know how to spell "women." I scamper back to the kitchen and ask, "How do you spell women?" and she spells it out without skipping a beat. About the time I make it back to the computer, she yells at me and asks what am I doing. I hear her walking down the hallway towards me and I quickly close out of my search and pull up disneychannel.com and explain to her that I was playing a spelling game.
Thinking back on that experience, I was never interrogated any further on that. I'm not sure if my mother bought my story or just pretended like that never happened.
Ah, Man, It Ruined The Dodgeball League...
Had sex with a girl I didn't like who I was going to be living right next to for most of the next year. This was in college, she was in the same coed dorm as me. The next year was like social dodgeball until she banged one of my roommates and I figured she couldn't really get mad at me for ghosting her anymore.
There was a super awkward moment when I walked in on her and my roommate making out, we just stared at each other and he had no idea what was going on,
Using Craigslist For What It's For
GiphyWhen I was like 25 I moved to Portland from Virginia on a whim. I hadn't been laid in years and was desperate so I trolled on craigslist casual encounters (this was before tinder and all that sh-t) and sure enough I found some woman who let me come over and eat her a-- for like 30 mins. That;s all I did. I didn't enjoy it either but I was desperate. I went back a few more times as well. Show up, eat her a--hole, leave...
humblebrag
Bathroom Fun
So I ended up having sex in a public library restroom. She decided we'd do it in the women's restroom and once we were finished the walked out and a lady walked in. So for some reason, I acted like I was disabled and then ran after "my carer"
Quick, Before Your Family Gets Back?
Probably not the MOST stupid but I was getting home from a trip with my family at the time. We stopped at a gas station like an hour or two away from our house at about 1:30 am. I cranked one out as fast as possible in the car while they were in the gas station
Breaking Not Just One Law
GiphyWhen I was 15 I was in a rush to lose my virginity. Not much more needs to be said but I'll continue. My girlfriend had hit me with the "I'm home alone" so without a license I drove my car over to her house. Figured in case things got boring I could trust the good ok skyf vodka so I had that in the trunk of my brothers car. Then 45 mins later I got to her house got super drunk and had sex.
I then realized the time and that I had to be home soon so I drove 45 mins drunk as f-ck back to my house. I broke 3 pretty strict laws in a matter of hours and could [sic] have gotten seriously injured on the way back just to lose my virginity to a woman that ended up being one of the worst mistakes of my life.
As Long As Her Mother Knows?
This one is not from me, but my girlfriend. Once when she was younger she used a rock to masturbate with it.
She ended up getting it stuck up there, but it eventually came out when she used the bathroom. Her mom still jokes about it
List 'Em Out!
Oh God I have many....
Sex on the dance floor. This was at 1:30am so club was packed.
Sex in the women's restroom of a shot bar.
Sex in a study room. There was a window in the door so you could clearly see inside.
Sex in a freshman corpse dorm. A little context of this, freshman are required to keep their doors unlocked. Anyone can walk in. And if you're caught having sex, it's a huge no no.
Sex in a car multiple times.
Masturbating with a vacuum cleaner.
Masturbating with hand sanitizer.
Masturbating while driving.
Sex while driving. A lot easier than it sounds.
Driving 3 hrs for mediocre sex.
Bullets Flying At You? Worth It
Rubbed one out during a firefight in Iraq.
Can I get more details on this one?
Most firefights are quick but some can last a long time. Particularly when you are pinned down. After hours on edge you need to stay awake somehow. So sometimes you gotta stroke the battle horn.
Finding Out Your Sexual Preferences? Worth It
GiphyFlew 1200 miles to go see my girlfriend of 6 years who I found out had been cheating on me for 3 months. She basically said "yeah oh well". Instead of leaving, I went down on her and had sex with her.
Then I felt dirty and used and disgusted and pretty sh-tty on the flight back.
Then I realized I have a thing for being dominated.
Now I spend a large chunk of my paychecks for dominatrixes.
H/T: Reddit