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NYC's Health Department Basically Just Suggested Having 'Kinky' Sex Through Gloryholes Amid Pandemic
While New York health officials maintained that you are your safest sexual partner during the pandemic, they also encouraged people to get "a little kinky" with their updated guidelines.
You don't have to keep your clothes on, but the health department's sex precautions recommended you keep your face covered.
Wearing masks in the bedroom is already a niche kink, but in these trying times, it can also save your life.
The guidelines stated that "a face covering that covers your nose and mouth is a good way to add a layer of protection during sex."
New York City health officials are still working out the kinks, LITERALLY, for new guidelines couples should follow regarding sex amid the coronavirus pandemic.https://t.co/tlB7WXKAm5
— John and Ken (@johnandkenshow) June 10, 2020
Expanding upon their March advisory, the latest recommendations said that those wishing to engage with more than one sexual partner should do so by limiting their "guest list" to reduce the risk of spreading the virus and by picking:
"Larger, more open, and well ventilated spaces."
This Twitter user had a more loose interpretation.
"If one desires to "find a crowd" for sex, pick larger, more open space and well-ventilated spaces". Is the health department really suggesting group sex in Central Park? Maybe the next guideline will suggest a time.
Hand sanitizer does sound like an excellent suggestion.
— Gregory Herczeg (@GregHerczeg) June 10, 2020
The guide also implied that glory holes are A-OK:
"Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face to face contact."
Government sanctioned glory holes. 😂
— Vulcan (@merrypranksterr) June 10, 2020
However, barriers preventing face to face contact didn't apply to everyone.
Nope. Still licking my wife up and down like a Lollipop. Never stopped😁
— Steve Johnson (@SteveJoAmerica1) June 10, 2020
Also, the department's suggestion advising against rimming was met with opposition.
it's not possible :'( pic.twitter.com/G5QFQ4nTTr
— Lady Gagmeester (@fullmetalblouse) June 10, 2020
First sports , now #asseatinszn is cancelled . Enough is enough
— MT (@MTqurantine) March 21, 2020
Rip ass eatin szn
— Austin Thieret™ (@THIERETx412) March 21, 2020
Rimming!! That's amazing. What is the job title of the person who had to type up these guidelines?
— Patrick McGlynn (@mcsportsny) March 21, 2020
The new guidelines also encouraged people to "masturbate together" but reminded them to maintain physical distance and to keep their face coverings on to reduce the risk of spreading infection.
For those who are prone to hooking up through online sites or apps, the department suggested for people to take a break from in-person dates and consider the following:
"Video dates, sexting, subscription-based fanplatforms, sexy 'Zoomparties' or chatrooms may be options for you."
This is my favorite official document ever
— K. C. (@kc_dos_siete) March 21, 2020
People had all kinds of reactions.
Y'all people nasty
— axleisms (@axleisms) March 21, 2020
My eyes are the size of saucers & my eyebrows are in the middle of my forehead now. 😳😳
— SarahSaurus (@SarcasticSarahS) March 21, 2020
I just learned soooo much.....wow I need to sit down
— Goriller (@allRize99) March 21, 2020
However, the health department did warn that having antibodies against the virus or a prior positive diagnostic did not ensure immunity from reinfection.
"Be cautious in using these tests to make decisions about who you have sex with and what kind of sex you have since antibody test results are not definite proof of immunity."
They also reminded people to wash their hands—and sex toys—for 20 seconds before and after sex. Because clean finishes are always appreciated.
Have fun but stay safe, everyone.