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first date
You saw someone you liked. You talked, you flirted, you shot your shot and asked them out, and they said yes!
Now what?
First dates are exciting and fun, but they can also be pressure-packed. What are you supposed to say? What topics should you avoid? What kind of activity should you do?
These questions can keep you up at night. However, they do have answers, in the form of unwritten first date rules everyone should know. Luckily for everyone, Redditors know those rules and are ready to share.
It all started when Redditor Radiant-Promotion798 asked:
"What are some unsaid first date rules everyone should know?"
Speak More
"Be interested in what the other has to say. No short worded answers."
– HmoobMikah
"“Hey, how are you? Nice to see you in person. How was your holiday?”"
"“Fine.”"
"“You spend it with family? Get everything you wanted?”"
"“Yeah.”"
"“Cool cool, so this place seems nice, you been here before?”"
"“No.”"
"Best date ever."
– jwoodruff
Zero Screen Time
"Put your damned phone down."
– SlideItIn100
"Don't look at your phone:"
"For anyone that wants to update a friend with how its going for safety, there's obvious times when there's natural breaks. Like if someone gets up to go to the bathroom, etc, where sending a quick update is fine. And I will head off to the bathroom for a bathroom break if I'm feeling like I really need to send an update on how things are going."
– --Little-Princess--
Partners Of Yore
"Don't talk about your ex:If it's just a 1-minute summary, that's fine."
"There are a couple of issues I can see with a prolonged conversion:"
"It can end up being a therapy session where we just end up unpacking all your relationship baggage, which I may not have the emotional energy for, and it's not what I'm looking for on a first date. Those conversations can happen later."
"It's easy to start complaining about your ex or speaking badly about them, and that can also be very off-putting. If you talk about them badly to a random stranger, are you also going to be talking about me? The opposite is also true. Any man who is careful with his words regarding his ex and who does his best to speak respectfully of them is a big sign of maturity for me and makes him a lot more attractive."
– --Little-Princess--
I Want To Know More
"Open-ended questions: Consider the difference between: Do you like pizza? (Yes/no) O what's your favorite food and why? (They can answer any number of foods, for any reason)."
"The first question causes the conversation to end because the answer is simply yes or no. You either need to ask a follow-up question, or they need to ask you the same one back."
"The open-ended question gives them an opportunity to talk more about what they like and why, and it allows you to bounce off each other."
– --Little-Princess--
The Truth Hurts
"Don’t ask if they’ve been to prison, even as a joke, unless you’re truly ready for the answer. (In my case, she was out on bail awaiting trial.)"
– Competitive_Key_2981
Get You Alone
"I think the first rule on your first date is "no isolating" meaning: don't take her on a hike in the woods for a first date, you a serial killer."
– Product_Feline762
"You don’t want to see my chainsaw collection in my dark, unfinished basement from the 1800’s? ☹️"
– AlexRyang
Death, Slow And Painful
"No murdering."
– subliminal_sorcerer
"This is a big one, I’ve been murdered twice on first dates, stay safe out there."
– Captain-Tyler
So Thoughtful
"Always give your lady an out — let her sit closest to the exit, make ‘or’ statements, “do you want to come to my place after dinner," *or* "do you have to get up early tomorrow?” Also, just a little tip, and something I’ve only had done a few times, but is super helpful, is to send a list of food options (menu), so you both don't feel rushed wherever you go and can make sure any dietary restrictions are met."
– Shotgun-Simulacra
Your Comprehensive Dating Guide
"1. Don't make a big deal out of it. It's for coffee, lunch, or cocktails, and THAT'S IT."
"2. In sales, the purpose of the first meeting is to get the second meeting. Likewise, the purpose of the first date is to get the second date. You're not there to bang. You're there to establish mutual interest."
"3. You're not on a job interview. You're there to learn about the other person. That means being more interested in learning about her/him than talking about yourself. Open ended questions are really good for that. Not the job or college major or anything like that. But rather what that person is interested in when it comes to life. What is that person passionate about?"
"4. If things are clicking on all cylinders, if and only if all the buy signals are there, then suggest extending the date to a casual dinner or something low key like walking in the park or something fun. Guys in particular: Do not take her to a fancy white-linen place on the first date. That's the sign of a full-court press."
"5. No matter how well things are going, don't make the beast with two backs. I don't care if this is the perfect person. Instead, your goal here is to establish mutual trust. If you're trying really hard to plant your flag (Or whatever metaphor you care for here), it kind of gets in the way of that. Plus crazy sometimes takes a few dates to manifest itself. What's worse, I know any number of guys who did the humpalumpadingdong with some girl early on and wound up writing a lot of child support checks. Be a little selective about who rides your baloney pony. And that takes time."
"6. No distractions. Put the phone down. If you see someone else you know, introduce your date right away and tell your acquaintance some interesting things about your date. No one likes being the third wheel in someone else's conversation. Manners count for a lot. Then turn your attention back to your date."
"7. The entire point of the first date is to have fun and see if that person is good to hang with. That's it. You're not negotiating arms reductions."
"8. This is especially true: If your first date with someone entails hanging with his or her friends, then make friends with his or her friends. Nothing is worse when you're at a party or gathering or some such and your date, this person you barely know, is tethered to you like a damned boat anchor. Be your own person. Likewise, just like #6, introduce your date around to everybody. Give that person a fighting chance."
"9. Finally, it's a numbers game. You might have to go through a lot of meh dates before you meet the perfect person. But that doesn't mean you just blow off someone with whom you don't have chemistry. To that point, I had a lunch date with someone with whom I didn't really connect. As in thirty seconds in. But I still put effort into getting to know her and have a great conversation. Two weeks later, she invited me to a party she was throwing. It was there that I met my wife."
"There you go. Your foolproof first date guide."
– AnybodySeeMyKeys
Transportation Desires
"For the love of god, don’t insist on driving her anywhere if she says no."
– trippingonstones
"I had an ex who insisted on taking the subway home instead of having me drive her home after dates."
"Turned out she didn’t want to be seen getting dropped off by a dude. Conservative parents."
– RejectorPharm
"You're gonna meet me there. Because if I hate you, I don't want to be on the hook for driving you home."
– SilentSamurai
They Said No
"Don’t insist on anything if she says no. Lol it’s that simple. That goes for all people in general."
– santodomingus
"It's sad that people have to be reminded of this. Date rape happens way too much."
– Head_Razzmatazz7174
Go Dutch
"At least offer to split the bill; if the other person wants to pay, that's fine, but at least be a half-decent human and offer it."
– B4WZ
"Yep. I go into every date planning and am happy to pay. But women not even offering to split or leave the tip or something just isn't appealing."
– illini02
Safety First
"First date should be somewhere public"
"One of your trusted friends or family should have your location just in case."
– angelisfrommars
Completely agree with that last one!
Do you have any to add? Let us know in the comments below.