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Tegan was out at Bongo's Bingo, a popular UK event that combines dancing, drinking and games. According to the website:
"A typical night at Bongo's Bingo consists of several rounds of bingo interspersed with rave intervals, dance-offs and catwalks down tables. It's essentially bingo played over pitchers of cocktails and beer, with frantic dancing to 90's pop music and celebrity entertainment."
Tegan, our brave victim, was pretty hopped up on the bingo rave vibes when someone handed her a large double sided dildo. She did what any of us would do, really, and took that baby to the dance floor.
In a whirlwind of bingo bliss, Tegan swung the adult toy in the air. Now, if you don't have much experience with double sided dildos, you may imagine something much more rigid than what Tegan was dealing with.
The toy she had been handed was hefty, large, and very very floppy. So there's Tegan dancing and swinging a massive flopping phallus around her head (which experts will tell you is a total amateur move and never a good idea) when suddenly the inevitable happened.
One of the dildo's heads came swinging around and smacked her in the face.
Hard.
Hard enough to tear her lash extensions off, fam.
She got dildo'ed so hard she lost her lashes!
First we want to start by talking about what happened afterwards.
We mentioned loss of lashes, but Tegan told media outlets that the lashes weren't the only bit of damage.
She actually ended up with a black eye.
One of our favorite things about 2020 so far has been how willing people have been to document and share pretty much everything. That's how we ended up with the incident on video - but we're getting ahead of ourselves.
Tegan posted a quick video of "the aftermath."
It's not clear if her real lashes survived her wild night of bingo, but it's clear her lash extensions did not.
U actually couldn’t write my life, tonight I went to bongos bingo and got hit in the face with a double ended dildo… https://t.co/ovx5yxSywQ— tegan denham (@tegan denham) 1578701618.0
And her friend, who happened to be documenting the night, responded by sharing the incident.
@TeganDenham_ The moment it all went wrong https://t.co/wBUQ9YxIeG— TDE (@TDE) 1578710462.0
Twitter can't get enough of these shenanigans.
@karissmorton1 Oh man I’m mortified, to top it all off I’ve now gained a black eye😂😭— tegan denham (@tegan denham) 1578734444.0
@TeganDenham_ Omg !!! 😳🤣 please say it hasn’t ripped your own eyelashes out too 🥴🥴🥴— Chloe Campbell 👑 (@Chloe Campbell 👑) 1578731698.0
@TeganDenham_ @D4nArrow How does someone get a double ended dildo into a club, and why? Lol— Gary Wilson (@Gary Wilson) 1578837927.0
@TeganDenham_ @toniedgarx Oh my word, ouch, who knew they could do so much damage! 😱😂@bongosbingo you'll have to st… https://t.co/XhG54FGQk9— Quirky Something (@Quirky Something) 1578821826.0
Don't worry too much, though.
Based on the comments section, Tegan won't be lashless for long.
@TeganDenham_ If you need a replacement pair in the mean time check out our lashes love 😘 they’ll bring a slap to y… https://t.co/MZF7dJHXMs— XXL Scrunchies 💖 (@XXL Scrunchies 💖) 1578781665.0
So what have we learned today, folks?
Be careful how you swing your dildos or you risk eye injury... and be sure to try and flip all dildo or bingo related injuries into free products. That's how you spin gold, fam.