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domestic dispute
Reddit user captainjawz knows that pain.
They know it too well.
Grab your own popcorn and sit back. This is about to get wild.
It all started when captainjawz heard their neighbors get into a fight.
"So I'm a bit of a soccer fan, and today two big local teams had a game, so naturally I was watching the match on my living room little did I know there was another match going on my neighbours house. About ten minutes into my game, I started hearing screams coming from the house across the street."
captainjawz then decided to go and make some popcorn during half time, while the neighbors continued to scream.
After making the popcorn and still hearing their yelling, captainjawz decided he couldn't sit and watch soccer anymore.
"By this point my neighbours had been fighting for about 30 minutes, and just as I take the popcorns out of the microwave I hear some doors slamming, curiosity got the better of me, so I went to my balcony to see what was the scope of the fight in case I had to call the cops of something. Now I have two dogs so I didn't wanted to leave my popcorn bag unattended on the couch, so I brought it with me."
This chain of events placed captainjawz in the direct line of sight of the fight with the bag of popcorn.
"So here I am, staring from my balcony at the 40 year olds married couple who took the fight outside. For the looks of it the wife had kicked the husband out of the house. By now I could tell what the fight was about, nothing too dramatic as to add spice to the story or so I thought. Suddenly she slapped him hard on the face, which made him turn as I gasped dramatically, which made them both look up into my balcony."
What the neighbors saw was "their gay gossip loving neighbour with a big bag of popcorn looking from their balcony".
"This got them furious, as if defying the laws of physics, their faces turned redder than they already were, and they both took their frustration at me yelling me all sorts of things."
"'ENJOYING THE SHOW YOU *********!?'"
"I honestly decided to take one for the team and kept putting popcorn into my mouth as they were yelling at me because it seemed to stop their fight and join them as a twisted dysfunctional couple once again. They both flip the finger at me as walked inside 'Can YOU BELIEVE this f****king guy!?' the wife screamed at her husband as he patted her back and closed the door."
Redirecting the anger from the fight at himself, captainjawz may have literally saved their relationship that evening.
captainjawz then went back to watching soccer.
Other Redditors found this HILARIOUS.
"When you said you continued to eat popcorn even after they turned their anger on you I laughed so hard."
"''I honestly decided to take one for the team and kept putting popcorn into my mouth'"
"I love you for this."
"'as they were yelling at me because it seemed to stop their fight and join them as a twisted dysfunctional couple once again.'"
"The enemy of my enemy is my friend."
"Reminds me of this exchange from bash.org:
Rabidplaybunny87: Okay, so my neighbors officially hate me
GarbageStan23: why?
Rabidplaybunny87: Well, me, david and andrew were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were making s'mores and all... and suddenly we hear sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
Rabidplaybunny87: So we all went running to see what was up, and our neigbor's house was on fire!
GarbageStan23: oh shit!
Rabidplaybunny87: Yeah, and when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever
Rabidplaybunny87: Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....
Rabidplaybunny87: talk about bad timing..."
And inspired others to share their "wrong place, wrong time" stories:
"There was a couple who were having a fight outside their house and the husband was obviously drunk. It looked like he was going to start getting violent, so we tried to deescalate the situation. I don't remember how the conversation went, but we talked him into coming up to our place to let him vent a bit."
"Lots of drunken conversation. Only part that stuck in my mind was that he was a big Gordon Lightfoot fan. We told him that we honestly had never listened to his stuff. He went on about how Gordon was a fantastic musician and was underappreciated by everyone and was wrongly mocked and disparaged."
"This went on for some time when he finally decided that he was going to bring us some Gordon Lightfoot music. He went wandered back to his house(we didn't try to stop him since he had calmed down and we had seen his girlfriend/wife leave) and a few minutes later brought us a Gordon Lightfoot cassette. He told we needed to listen to this and then he went to go sleep it off."
"A few weeks later he came over to get the cassette. He was confused as to how we winded up with it, but happy to get it back. I don't think we ever talked him again."
"I never did listen to that album."
"I'm 100% that nosy neighbor. If you don't want people listening or watching DONT TAKE IT OUTSIDE. I'm sitting here eating popcorn with you sis."
"Lol this made me laugh. We live in a small town and the town goes dead silent after 9pm. (Small small farm town) whenever we hear fighting or anything either me or my wife will yell "(towns name) drama!!!" And go sit on our very dark porch and listen to the drama. We even had popcorn one time too! Weve seen fist fights, drunken kids that got beat with baseball bats, dads fighting daughter's boyfriends,signs getting ripped down...its very entertaining."
"We had a couple about a decade ago living 2 apartments down. They had knock down drag out fights every weekend in the evening once the kids went to the grandparents. Nothing physical just screaming and carrying on. They were on first name basis with the cops in town. You call the non emergency number (911 only if throwing stuff started) and as soon as you said where it was they would ask if they were at it again."
"By the 2nd month of this we pulled the lawn chairs out, popped popcorn, and enjoyed the show as the cops show up get the dude to leave only to see him come back as soon as they left, steal the distributor cap, and try to outrun the cops in the most obvious vehicle, when everyone knew he lost his license for DUI. It was better than COPS and more entertaining than most things."
"It got way too quiet after they finally broke up when she was caught cheating with his best friend. And revealed the youngest was not his publicly. He finally snapped and punched the guy and was banned from the property. She moved out shortly after and lost custody of both kids to her parents."
"You did not mess up. You just enjoyed the reality show live and in person."
It's safe to say that captainjawz's choice to keep eating the popcorn once the couple noticed him was definitely the best possible choice in that moment.
And the next time there is a domestic dispute with this couple, hopefully someone will arrive at the right time with their snack of choice to diffuse it.
Stay out of trouble by using the Whirley-Pop Popper Kit available here.
******
Have you listened to the first season of George Takei's podcast, 'Oh Myyy Pod!'?
In season one we explored the racially charged videos that have taken the internet by storm.
We're hard at work on season two so be sure to subscribe here so you don't miss it when it goes live.
Here's one of our favorite episodes from season one. Enjoy!