Woman Born Via IVF Asks For Advice After Ancestry DNA Results Reveal She's Not Her Parents' Biological Child
DNA tests and ancestry results have boomed in popularity in the last few years.
With multiple websites offering the service, these tests have become easily accessible to anyone that wants one.
The tests enable you to learn fun facts about yourself, such as where your ancestors lived and who your distant relatives are. While most people have some idea about there genealogical history, some are surprised by what they learn about themselves.
A woman on Reddit looked to the website for advice after receiving shocking results from a DNA test.
Posting under the username False-Yogurtcloset, the anonymous woman explained how she was curious about her ancestry and wanted to learn more about where she came from.
Knowing she was born via IVF, she paid the fee and sent in her DNA sample by mail.
Unfortunately, instead of seeing the typical fun results, she learned that she was not her parent's biological child.
At first, she believed that the service had made a mistake.
"A few months later I receive an email from the company to say that they have found a parent/child match with me. I am clearly the child in this case and the match was a women. I know 100% that my mother carried me and gave birth to me so I just wrote it off as an error. I was a bit sceptical about the whole thing anyway. Note: I am an IVF baby."
She decided to contact the woman she was matched with.
"Anyway, a few days ago I decided to message this woman to see if i would get a reply though not actually expecting one. This woman replied and it turns out that she donated her eggs in the same time period that I was born and also in the actual municipality that we lived and where my parent's fertility clinic was."
She confided in her siblings about the life changing discovery, and began questioning her relation to them.
"It might be important to note that I am a triplet and now my sister is questioning whether we are related or not. I am very certain that my father is my father as I look very much like him. There is no question there. I have always thought that my sister looks like my mother's sister and hence I've never had to question otherwise. Now we are wondering if we have the same father but our mother is not biologically our mother? Or are my other siblings products of my mother's egg and I am the odd one out? Are we all products of different donor eggs? Has there been a mistake at the fertility clinic?"
She then asked the "WIBTA" ("Would I Be The A**hole") subreddit if she should confront her parents.
"WIBTA if I questioned my parents? They knew I was getting this DNA kit and did not seem concerned at all that I might uncover something they didn't want me to know. I love my mother, she raised me and for all intents and purposes is my mother. I do not want to have any contact with this other woman but I do feel lied to for my entire life. I have no idea if my parents have known all along that they used donor eggs and just pretended that we are biologically theirs. What if there was malpractice at the fertility clinic?"
She added some clarification to how she's feeling.
"I live in the United States and we are fraternal (separate eggs). I want to make it clear that my family who raised me are my family no matter what. I don't care who is biologically related to who. I am more curious than anything."
The majority ruled that she would not be the a**hole ("NAH") for talking to her parents about it. It's clear that the woman loves her family, but it's understandable that she feels like she's been misled and lied to.
People were empathetic and agreed that she deserved to know the truth.
User Disco54point5 said:
"NAH. Everyone has a right to know where they came from. Just be very careful how you approach it. If your parents really are in the dark the only definitive way of knowing if you're mum is your mum is a further DNA test. The whole thing could be upsetting for everyone including your parents. Just be sure you understand the full implications of what you want to know before opening the can. Good luck."
"Of course you're curious! You should talk to your parents. You're not an ass for wanting to understand the circumstances of your birth! Hopefully everything goes well. Good luck!"
People theorized that the parents may not know she's not their biological daughter either.
User ollyator said:
"NAH, just make sure you don't start by accusing your parents of anything, it's just a conversation.
They may know they used donor eggs. There may have been a mix-up at the clinic or hospital. OR, the retail DNA test may be mistaken. Good luck to you."
User knapen50 also believed it was possible:
"NAH. Your parents were open about the IVF and didn't have any problems with you getting the DNA test. This could very well be the result of an error at the IVF clinic. Either way, since you're triplets it's not like one sibling is a love child and anyone has something to hide. You deserve the truth because of medical history etc. so yes talk to your parents. Try to be open minded about their intentions if they chose donor eggs, hiding that wasn't out of malice but probably to prevent you from questioning your identity until you were old enough to handle it. Best of luck OP."
People also pointed out the benefits of knowing your genealogy.
User the-drew explained:
"Another good reason is genetics have come so far these day that knowing your bio families medical history can really help diagnose things later in life. I have an adopted friend that didnt know schizophrenia ran in his family until he was well into his 20's and did some digging through extended bio family. It might save your life to know so you can point doctors in a direction."
nugentmusic96 had a scary experience with their dad.
"My dad had a heart attack at 48 and he was quite healthy. Scared the sh** out of us. He's adopted so we figured we'd check his bio family's medical history. But because he's adopted, he's birth mother chose to sign a 'do-not-seek' clause so he cant find her. So now I cant tell if it runs in our gene pool.
If these DNA tests are even slightly accurate at detecting these kinds of things... I'm all for it."
Some users even related to the poster, and shared stories about their own surprising ancestry results.
NerdBrenden talked about his mom's test.
"My mom was adopted in the 60s. Closed adoption. For like 45 years she knew NOTHING. I ended up getting her a 23andMe kit.
Fast forward like 5 years later, she found her bio mom and sister. She has nieces and nephews. It could totally be a movie."
Something very similar happened to user TealHousewife's family:
"My sister did one of the Ancestry DNA tests about two years ago, and it showed a family connection to a cousin we had no knowledge of. My sister poked around and was able to determine that my dad's sister would be the most likely biological parent... Eventually my aunt and sister talked about, and it turned out my aunt had gotten pregnant in college and she put the baby up for adoption.
My sister ended up reaching out to our new mystery cousin, and he had done the DNA test hoping to find out about his birth parents. So he and my aunt were on the same page - they just used different companies to get there."
False-Yogurtcloset hasn't made an update about the situation. If she decides to follow the advice she was given and talks to her parents, hopefully it will lead to closure for them all.