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Twitter Honors 18th Anniversary Of Dave Matthews Bus Dumping 800lbs Of Poop On Passenger Cruise
In the furor over the FBI search of former Republican President Donald Trump's house, it's easy to forget August 8 was already a vitally important watershed in American history that will live on in infamy.
For it is the day Dave Matthews' tour bus dumped 800 lbs of human poop on a bridge over the Chicago River at the very moment a tourist laden passenger cruise passed underneath.
The poop didn't stay on the bridge.
Yes, Monday was the 18th anniversary of that monumentous day, which should frankly be a national holiday of remembrance.
Naturally Twitter had quite a time celebrating this milestone.
\u201c18 years ago today\u201d— depths of wikipedia (@depths of wikipedia) 1659967766
In case you've forgotten, it went down like this.
As one of Dave Matthews Band's tour buses passed over Chicago's Kinzie Street Bridge, driver Stefan Wohl decided to dump the bus' septic tank through the bridge's grating and into the river below.
Unfortunately for a gaggle of more than 100 tourists and architecture enthusiasts on one of Chicago's celebrated river cruises, Wohl decided to do so just as they were passing beneath, drenching them in 800 pounds of human waste.
Everyone has that one sh*tty vacation story, but... wow.
Wohl initially denied the incident, but a forensic investigation using nearby security cameras flushed any plausible deniability down the toilet—or onto the heads of innocent tourists on a boat cruise, as it were.
Wohl pleaded guilty and was sentenced to fines, 18 months probation and 150 hours of community service.
Matthews and the band, who vigorously defended Wohl until it became clear he was as full of sh*t as the tourists onto whom he dumped 800 lbs of excrement, apologized and donated $50,000 to the Chicago Park District and Friends of the Chicago River.
Which is very kind of them. But not so kind that the incident's legacy doesn't endure all these years later.
And so, naturally, Twitter marked the anniversary with a sh*tload of ridiculous commentary.
\u201chappy Dave Matthews Band Chicago River Incident day to all who celebrate\u201d— Bebo and 69 others \ud83c\udf39 (@Bebo and 69 others \ud83c\udf39) 1659967564
\u201cWith the sheer number of circumstances that had to perfectly align for Dave Matthews\u2019 bus to dump an inhuman amount of poo on an open-air tour boat as it passed directly under a bridge, how can you not believe in god?\u201d— Melissa Turkington (@Melissa Turkington) 1659978049
\u201ca dave matthews band cover band called the dave matthews band chicago river poop incident\u201d— peach emmett pop \ud83c\udf51 (@peach emmett pop \ud83c\udf51) 1659984062
\u201cahhh, a normal monday\nchicagoans: NEVER FORGET DAVE MATTHEWS\u2019 POOP DAY\u201d— Kevin Budnik (@Kevin Budnik) 1659979117
\u201chappy 18th birthday dave matthews band poop incident\u201d— TEXAS!!!!! (@TEXAS!!!!!) 1659989637
\u201cIT'S DAVE MATTHEWS BAND POOP BUS INCIDENT DAY\u201d— pregabalin puuppy.news.cn (@pregabalin puuppy.news.cn) 1659970073
\u201cYesterday was the anniversary of the greatest Wikipedia article ever: \n\nThe Dave Matthews Band Chicago River Incident\u201d— Sir Yacht\ud83d\udee5 (@Sir Yacht\ud83d\udee5) 1660088029
\u201cAhhh what a lovely day out on the Chicago River. And here comes the bus of my favorite musical group, the Dave Matthews Band, can this day get *any* better???\u201d— openly deaf (@openly deaf) 1659966728
\u201cwhat would you say the space between the bus and the boat was. i\u2019m wondering about the velocity of the crash. this is not a typical situation that happens everyday. if i lived there i\u2019d still be like don\u2019t drink the water\u201d— eve 6 professor of medical psychology (@eve 6 professor of medical psychology) 1659978474
\u201cMade Dave Matthews Band Chicago River Incident shots at work today\u201d— aeon, normal (@aeon, normal) 1659991020
This of course means we have just two years to come up with something really special for the 20th Anniversary of the Dave Matthews Band Chicago River incident.
Start planning now!