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weird flex but ok from kids
Sick tatts.
GiphyWhen my kids were potty training, he was in a phase where he loved temporary tattoos. We used tattoos as a reward for a successful potty trip. He got so he was covered on both arms, back and chest. We didn't think much of it, living in Seattle, until one summer day we took him to the wading pool.
For one of the first times in public, we took his shirt off, and he strode out into the pool with his toddler abs, and Thomas the tank train shorts, looking like he had just finished a hard set of reps at the free weights in the prison yard.
Yuck.
When my son was about 6, he was in the back seat with a friend, and he boasted that he had once thrown up his entire Chinese dinner on his bedroom carpet and you could see the food and everything.
Wow.
GiphyMy daughter (3) can poop in the back yard without anyone knowing. I picked it up for weeks wondering why the dog's poop looked so weird.
I looked out of the sliding glass door one day while my girls were playing. I saw my 3 year old pooping in the middle of the yard. Her older sister (5) sprayed her with the water hose as soon as the log hit the ground.
It was a spectacular scene, and I will never let them forget it.
Darn kids.
When my son was potty training, I started letting him do the clean-up, then I'd have to finish.
After a bit of this, he figured he was pretty well good to go on his own, and he was very "big boy" about it. So for the next couple of weeks, he'd do his thing (which always included stripping naked) then come running out to wherever I was, bend over with his cheeks spread, and shout "Hey, Mom! I wiped my butt all by myself!! Lookit!!"
I am the cute one.
"There are lots of members of our family tree, and I'm probably the prettiest one, don't you think?" - my daughter (to me), age 7.
She is an identical twin, so kind of a weird flex.
Man up.
GiphyMy 5 year-old son woke up with his voice hoarse from a cold.
Me: oh, you've got a cold.
Him, solemnly: no, I think i'm a man now.
Practically perfect in every way.
Not a parent, but I teach swimming lessons. This one 5 year old first day of lessons was like, "I'm not very good at kicking."
So I said, "That's okay. Nobody is perfect at everything."
Dead serious he just goes, "No, I'm perfect at everything."
What a weird lie.
When my sister was younger she told her teacher that my dad was a clown. He actually owns an autobody shop but I guess she thought he was a pretty funny.
Apparently the parent / teacher conference was hilarious.
"Your daughter tells us you're a clown? What an...interesting career."
Power move.
GiphyNot my kid - but a friend of mine was trying to teach his daughter to pick up her toys when she was younger.
When she didn't do it one time, he told her he was going to throw away everything that was still on the floor. She picked them up and put them in the trash can for him.
That works, I guess.
"Kati, you have to eat 3 more green beans before you're excused."
"No! No more"
"3 more."
"I'm gonna eat 4 more!!"
Oh no you got me good.
That's definitely not what that means.
Not a parent, this is my own weird flex from when I was a kid. I had athletes foot and I was bragging about it to anyone who would listen because I thought people would think I was an athlete and therefor think I was cool. That's not what happened.
That's *kind of* a flex?
GiphyI'm not the parent, but when I was around 5, my brother was 6, my mother asked us if we wanted a drink. We both said yes, but my brother asked for milk, I asked for water.
After around a minute, my brother had his milk, I had my water and then my brother said to me "I'm going to be stronger than you" I assume that was supposed to be a flex with how young we were, but being stronger is what all little kids want, right? This is where I responded, "I'm going to be healthier than you" I know I meant that as a flex and to this day, I have no idea how that was a flex...
I'm DECEASED.
When my now 16 year old daughter was around 4, we were driving home after a soccer game and I always you to say, "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" So we're driving home and she says, "Dad, I'm so hungry I could eat a horse and the cowboy riding him" I absolutely died, loved that so much!
Math is hard.
I remember when I was little I was spinning around in a circle, counting and counting. I turned to my mom and said, "You can only count to 100. You can't go higher. It's impossible," in a deadpan tone.
Now I'm a freshmen and algebra is kicking my dumba**.
Get wrecked.
GiphyMy little cousin is 7 and learning to read. So every night you have to sit with him and read his book issued by the school. He hates it. So one night I was visiting and said I would read with him.
So he opens the book and proceeds to say all the words out loud (correctly and exactly as written), turning the pages and everything, while looking straight into my eyes.