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ugly baby
"When my little sister..."
GiphyWhen my little sister was a baby, she had quite an ugly face. My grandparents thought as much so instead of calling her a "pretty baby" or a "cute baby", they called her a "nice baby" because apparently she smiled a lot.
Moral of the story: whenever you see an ugly baby, but you don't want to make the parents feel too bad about it, call it a nice baby.
"I had friends..."
I had friends who definitely had an unattractive baby. He would get called "precious" a lot, but never "cute," "handsome," or "adorable" like other babies. That's how they knew he was ugly.
"When my child..."
When my child was an infant, we were having dinner at a pizza place and he was in his baby seat. The server eventually took notice and said. "Aww he looks just like you. Is he yours?" I replied, "No. I thought he looked like me too, so I took him." She didn't make much conversation after that.
"Our baby..."
GiphyWe'll look out for this. Our baby is 2 days old and looks like a 40 year old accountant. He literally looks like he was born with a receding hairline and a sour demeanor.
I got in before the Winston Churchill comments.
"I always think..."
I always think babies look like aliens or old men. Don't you agree?
"Exactly."
Giphy"What's that baby's alibi?"
"What?"
"Their alibi. What is it?"
"He/she doesn't have an alibi."
"Exactly."
"A woman got on a bus..."
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The busdriver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen." In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong. "The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers." "You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."