COMICSANDS
percolately
georgetakei
secondnexus
george's picks
Most Read
pick a fight with the wrong person
These are those stories!
Quora posed to its users:
What is the best case of "You just picked a fight with the wrong person" that you've witnessed
Samoan Superman
GiphyI was a very young man eating pizza in a small restaurant in the Marina District in San Francisco. It was 1987 the summer time, late at night, and most in the crowd were pretty drunk. Two yuppies with their navy blue shirts and red power ties walk into the restaurant and cut in front of a Samoan and his girlfriend. When the Samoan said something, instead of just saying "I'm sorry," one of them made a smart remark.
Then I stopped eating my pizza. I knew something bad was going to happen. I have always had good experiences with Samoans. They always treated me with more respect than most people do. But I never met a Samoan who would back down or suffer BS. I had a Samoan friend of mine literally pick me up and throw me into a bar fight, because I told him took martial arts classes, and he wanted to see if they were working.
The yuppie smart mouthed the Samoan patron some more and threatened to call the police if he did anything. Faster than I could stuff another pizza slice into my mouth the Samoan gentleman did something I did not think was physically possible. He picked the yuppie vertically off his feet then turned him horizontally superman style. He held the yuppie's face over a pizza pie then literally dropped him straight down face first into the pizza.
The amount of strength it took to literally turn the Yuppie's body side ways seemed amazing. The Samoan turned to me staring at him and said "You one of them?" Shook my head no and went back to eating my pizza. He left with his lady friend.
The police shortly arrived. No one saw anything. The yuppie's smart suit and tie and big paycheck did not shield him from his big mouth. Be careful what you say, smile and always be respectful.
Never Cross A Man That Can Double Check All The Forms
Once upon a time, my parents hired a company to redo their kitchen. They were basically supposed to change the marble countertops.
The company was formed by husband, wife and three employees.
They set up the countertops and soon realized a minor part of the marble did not fit exactly. They had to take the small bit that didn't fit back to their headquarters to redo the work.
At that point, my parents had already paid 90% of the price.
One week later they came back without prior notice and gained access to their apartment through the maid, who opened the door to let them finish the job.
My parents were out on an errand.
After the contractors finished their job, the owner called my father on his mobile and told him the job was completed.
Since there had been problems with the execution before, my father told the man that he would come back home in about an hour, check the quality of the final touches and promptly pay the remaining 10% of the price.
The man went ape and told my father that payment was due on the spot.
My parents interrupted what they were doing and hurried back home.
But at this point the contractor was already mad at them and took out every single bit of marble he had put in place and put it all in his van. Never mind the fact that, as I said, 90% was already paid for.
Upon arriving home, my father noticed that all the stuff he paid for was in the van and being taken away.
He is a man of action, and promptly put himself in front of the van to impede its exit.
The contractor did not back down and just ran over my father, who was 65 at the time.
His bruises were not grave, but he filed criminal suit against the man.
The problem is that he hired a company, so he didn't know the contractor's name. And to file suit against someone, you must indicate his name, of course.
The police weren't very eager to determine the identity of the perpetrator. And that's when my parents called me.
I dived into the matter and found out not only his name and address, but several lawsuits against this guy and his wife. They took several loans and had not repaid them, they sold real estate and did not deliver, they crossed many people in business deals. In short, they owed a lot of people and banks in consequence of morally doubtful behaviour.
And they had empty apartments in Copacabana, a very prized area of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.
I gave the Police the name of the guy and, on the side, purchased some of the credits against them owned by financial institutions.
I represented my parents in the criminal lawsuit against these people and got them sentenced to jail (the husband) and reparation (the wife).
But I also pursued the exaction of the debts I bought and, six years later, I got one of their apartments as repayment of one of the debts.
Now I am still waiting for judicial decision on the second apartment. It seems I will also take this one.
The best part is that I paid only 25 thousand reais to buy the credit and the apartments are worth, together, a little under 1 million reais.
This guy should not have run over my dear father… I bet this is one decision he regrets every day.
You Never Know Who Might've Won A Boxing Competition Before
GiphyActually didn't witness the fight, but the results were quite interesting.
Was just thinking about this call yesterday, while driving by a skateboard park. It was near the end of my career, but a rather unique call. Not really sure why we even responded as it was a pretty simple medical call. Perhaps the ambulances were all delayed? We got called to a skate board park for an injury, expecting a broken bone or scrapes and bruises we found instead a big kid over 6 feet with a broken nose. The RCMP officer on scene was having a good chuckle when he introduced the patient, saying this guy likes to start fights with girls.
There were about half a dozen other people hanging around both friends of the guy and this young girl on scene. As my guys were treating the patient I was getting some information on what happened. The girl was visiting from California with some friends here in British Columbia and they went down to the local skate board park for some fun and exercise. The girl was around 5 ft. 5 in. as best I recall and not very big, but a rather attractive young lady in her late teens.
Seems that this guy is a bit of a bully and takes a liking to this cute gal visiting her local friends. The girl is however not impressed by his rather crude advances. They have a bit of a discussion and the guy winds up grabbing her and saying something along the lines of, "Why don't you suck my c@#k b-tch?" as he goes to lay his hands on her. The next thing he knows he is on the ground with a broken nose.
So in the conversation with the girl and her friends it comes out that she is here to participate in a boxing competition tomorrow. Well it seems she certainly has the skills for it, I wished her luck.
Never Cross The Nana...
...What you have to understand about my "Nana" is she strived to weigh more than a 100 pounds all her life, only weighed 102 pounds when she was pregnant with my mom, but she was relatively tall for a lady, so she looked like a rail! People mistook her size, later her age, as weakness, what they didn't realize is- she had grown up on a 98 acre working farm, had worked alongside share-croppers on the next farm over (she swore her Daddy worked the family harder), had 9 brothers and sisters, and could out eat me any day of the week, she was not a wilting flower!
When I was in school my "Nana" was always the first car in the pick-up line, she never wanted to be late to anything! I was in junior high, probably the middle of 8th grade, I always had my book bag ready and rushed out the door when the bell rang, because I knew she was waiting. One afternoon, I got to her car and realized that I had left a book in the school, so I turned around and ran back in. When I came out the side door of the school, I was met by the assistant principal.
He was a big, burly, gruff man and he grabbed my arm (fatal error), so he could fuss at me. I immediately thought, "oh, crap, you've screwed up!" About the time I finished my thought, I heard her car door slam, I tried to hurry him up, because I knew this was about to get ugly! Then, I see a little bony finger with pink fingernail polish come over his shoulder, tap, tap, tap, and these weren't the kind of taps you use at church, I'm pretty sure she was going for blood!
He spun around there stood my "Nana" standing with her arms folded, foot tapping, and a look that would give Satan chills. In a fury and missing the obvious clues that were in front of him, he started telling her about my "misdeed" of going back in the building and complaining about her being the first person there and how I should hurry up since she was blocking the pick up lane. At this point, she put her finger up in his face and said, "shut up, little man!"He straightened up like he was going to correct her, he didn't realize that she was just giving him time to pray, "YOU put your hands on my grandbaby, her momma, her daddy, her poppy, and me don't put our hands on her and YOUSUREASHELLAIN'T… AND another thing, I'll park where ever and for however long I want to in this school parking lot and she can go in and out of this building as many times as she wants to, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?????"
This very large man was now trembling and repeating "yes, ma'am, I do," in a near catatonic state. She looked at me and nodded towards the car, needless to say I ran and got in because this was not the first, nor the last time I'd seen "Nana" in action. She got in the car, still mumbling under her breath, "just who the hell does he think he is???"
My "Nana" was active right up until the end of her 90 years on this earth...
"Have yee got a problem with me food, pal?"
I was serving in the Reserves (Territorial Army as it was back then), and was getting some breakfast in the mess at Grantham. Some Americans were on the base, and a trio of them were eating, poking around at some black pudding (blood pudding). They weren't quite sure what it was, so I explained.
They blew their top. "It's pig what? That's terrible!" they exclaimed, and one of them stormed off to the counter. "I wanna speak to the chef" he spouted. The server replied, "are you sure?". Clearly, he didn't relish the thought of disturbing the chef. "Of course I'm goddamed sure, the chef is trying to poison us with his barbarian food" the American spat. The server disappeared into the kitchen, and the American sat down.
Shortly afterwards, the Chef came storming out of the kitchen.
He was 6 foot 5, built like a brick sh*thouse, and bore a Scots Guards tattoo on his forearm. He spied the Yanks.
Striding over to the table, he growled in the thickest and most menacing Glaswegian accent, "have yee got a problem with me food, pal?" The American all decided to look at their boots.
He put his face inches from the nearest soldier. "I said, have YEE got a problem with me FOOD, pal?". The table all shook their heads and muttered about the weather. The chef turned about, and headed back to the kitchen. The 3 Americans all lost their appetites and left the mess.
Breakfast with a slice of humble pie.
...Batman?
GiphyMy friend whom everyone calls Doc, has 2 Ph.D's and is a very low key person, entered a convenient store wth me one afternoon. Doc is 57 years old and average build. He later told me he saw these 2 early 20's jitterbugs casing him in the store. As we left, we each went to our own vehicle. He said he saw them following him to his truck. As he went to get in, one pulled a gun from his pocket and said I'll take your money. Doc's back was to the guy at this time.
He immediately spun around, side kicked the guy and sent him over the curb whereupon he hit his head and was out. We later found out the guy got 3 broken ribs as well.
I saw what happened and asked him, where did you learn that ? He said I'll tell you later. Having to know I followed him home whereupon he showed me he held 4 black belts in 4 different styles of martial arts. That wasn't the best of it as he was always careful for no one to see him shirtless. I always wondered why until this moment.
He pulled back his shirt, he was a Yakuza. These guys definitely picked the wrong guy on this day. The other guy, well he ran off. Funny thing was I heard several people harass the kid that he let an older man kick his a--. Doc told the observers not to call the cops. He said I'm sure the kid is embarrassed enough.
Never Bother A Kid Reading
I've been teaching anger management classes for a decade. Many people in the classes are there because they've done something legally notable but have never offended before and show little to no likelihood of offending again. From these classes I have so many stories to share, but one in particular stands out.
A 16-year-old tall slender boy showed up one day for class. He was polite, quiet, committed to paying attention and did a great job earning his certificate. He didn't really want to share his story during introductions. He generally shared that he got in a fight at school.
Later in the day after a lot of vulnerability was demonstrated by many of the participants, the boy raised his hand and asked if he could talk. Of course, I gave him the floor.
He explained he had been bullied at school for as long as he could remember. He was beaten up often by the same groups and this lasted for years throughout elementary school and high school.
I'm assuming he had changed a lot as he grew because the boy in my class seemed gentle but not necessarily an "easy target." Kids can be cruel, of course, but it's often the case that bullies choose targets that wouldn't stand a chance at defending themselves. In my mind, this boy was once an easy target, but no more! Even though he grew up, sprouted tall, somehow he kept the target image even though he was developing into a strapping young man.
One day in the cafeteria he was reading a book and a neighboring table of boys started picking on him. He ignored them until it was no longer possible. Then he got up to walk away. They pursued him and were throwing pennies and trash at him. They called him worthless, and garbage, and other demeaning things.
At one point one of the bullies said something that the boy couldn't ignore. At this point the boy stopped walking away and turned to face the group of bullies. He walked towards them and asked who had said the one specific comment. Proudly and immediately one of the bullies claimed responsibility. Without another word, the boy punched the bully in the face. It was one shot but it shattered the bully's jaw and knocked him out. The boy was suspended and mandated to take anger management classes.
To my knowledge he had never been violent before or since. In that moment, however, it was as if he was standing up against all the years of abuse and all the bullies.
It wasn't a "fight" per se, but I would definitely say that the bully "picked on" the wrong person at the wrong time. This one bully certainly wasn't every bully in the boy's past, but he most certainly received the boy's wrath as if he was.
I can't say what the boy did was right. But I understand what drove him to react the way he did. Insofar as he was defending himself, I'm glad he was done being a victim. Often the trouble with being passive in the face of threats is that you'll explode at some point. And he did...
Never Think You're Too Big For Your Britches
...I worked at GT for awhile. We had this Chinese fellow there who was a graduate assistant. This guy was the most stereotypical "Chinese graduate student" you've ever seen. Google "Chinese graduate student" and I'm pretty sure his picture would come up. I'll call him Li
Except
This guy could fight.
Really, really fight.
The school had their athletic complex, and there was a guy that taught kung fu.
I'm pretty sure you have seen the type. Arrogant, has to be the center of attention, couldn't stand anyone calling him on anything.
Well I see Li walk past and he's going to attend the class. Since the weight machines I want to use are over there, I follow. I'm on the leg press and the guy starts his class.
Five minutes in an Li points out something that the instructor says is wrong.
Instructor asks:
"How would you do it?"
Li gets up and demonstrates. The guy doesn't like getting showed up.
"Well in a fight that would never work."
Li points out again, he's wrong.
The instructor gets mad and tells Li to put up or shut up.
At this point, I want to reflect that maybe, just maybe, when the Chinese student who muddles his way through English who's already shown you up once already says something, challenging him is a bad idea, but I digress……
Li gets up and takes off his sweatshirt. I've always seen him in long sleeved dress shirts. This guy is cut. He's solid muscle.
They start sparring. It's at this point I realize that Li has this guy licked. Not just licked, but Li isn't even trying. The "instructor" is throwing everything he has at him. Nothing is connecting.
Finally the instructor says "come on and hit me if you can" because at this point, Li's just been dodging and blocking.
There's a slap as Li catches the guy's right ear.
Now the instructor is mad. He goes at him again.
nother two slaps, and the instructor is holding both his ears.
Li isn't even sweating.
Holy crap.
Li "plays" with him for about another minute. Somehow the "instructor" gets close enough to try to lift him off the ground.
This is a mistake.
He drives an elbow down hard into this guy's back. There's a yell. Li explodes on this guy. The whole time I'm thinking about Jet Li or Anyone I've seen in Chinese action movies.
Guy is knocked off the mats. He's hurt. Li isn't even sweating. After that. He just turns, grabs his top and walked off.
He stuck around school for another year, got his PhD and went back to China. I really wish I could find him today.