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This trolling dad. Love it.
GiphyOne time I'm at my friend's house and his father comes up to me and he asks if I want anything to drink. I politely ask if I could have a glass of water. Dead serious he responds with 'oh sorry I don't think we have any water. Would you like some pasta instead?' Thinking its some kind of joke I say sure. He goes into the kitchen and comes back a little later with a drinking glass full of spaghetti and hands it to me before going back to what ever he was doing. Needless to say, I was quite confused.
Men are gross.
I was best friends with a girl from grade 4 to grade 7. A few years ago I ran into her parents at my brothers birthday party. The Dad got super drunk and started hitting on me hard. I'm married and I was there with my young children. It was at my brother's house and the guy's wife was right there! Even then my brother still had to come save me.
What a lousy friend.
GiphyI practically lived over at my friends house from my mid to late teens. They were a devout Pentecostal family and his dad was treasurer of their church. I go over to their house, walk in and both parents are immediately in my face. "DID YOU STEAL MONEY FROM US!!" Someone broke into their roll top desk and stole $2k from the church funds. They accused me, then the mother broke down and started crying. Sitting on the couch, hands in her face balling. Then they all started praying for the return of the money. Then they prayed over me for guidance to do the right thing. I thought, WTH! What they didn't know was that their son, my friend, had his eye on a $2k Nikon F3 camera for a few months and his parents wouldn't buy it for him. What really blew my mind was he bought the camera and they never suspected him of stealing the money. And he never apologized to me for it.
Well, that's traumatizing.
I was friends with this boy and we would go to his house after school and his mom would watch me til my mom was done with work. Well one day we get to his door and there is a note on it saying we need to go to my house. The weird thing was that there was loud music coming from inside...
We went to my house and waited and my step dad and mom came home soon after.
My mom obviously found that weird so she ran over there and come to find out his mom tried to commit suicide. It was really sad but she seemed to have gotten help and gotten better. But it was an experience I would never forget.
You Dove Say
Senior year of high school, I asked out a girl right before school ends for the summer. She said she wanted to stay friends. Bummer, but at least I'll never kick myself for not trying. I was still invited to her graduation party at her house so I went, as I also enjoyed being friends with her regardless of any romance. At the party her dad met me in the kitchen and patted me on the back saying "Bummer about her saying no. If it was up to me you'd already be my son-in-law." Not sure how to respond I awkwardly laughed and said thanks. Not 20 minutes later he walked into a shed outside and asked us teenagers if we wanted to see a magic trick. He then proceeded to pull a dove out of his pants. A living, breathing dove.
The guy was/is one of the nicest people I've met, but I never knew what he was going to say or do next.
Yep, awkward af.
GiphyI was coming back from the annual county fair with a childhood friend and his cousin, heading to my friend's house. Unfortunately I got really sick at the fair and was sprawled out in the back of my friend's cousin's car trying my best not to puke everywhere. (It didn't help that we live out in the mountains so the drive was unbearable)
Out of desperation for my stomach pain to pass, I didn't even turn on the lights when I got to his house and literally fell onto the bed in the dark only to find his dad under me snoring.
Apparently my friend's dad was staying up waiting for us to get home and fell asleep on his bed. I obviously woke him up and he freaked out, turned on the lights and yup he was in his underwear.
When he saw it was us he laughed at the situation but it was definitely one of the most uncomfortable experiences of my life. I'm just glad I didn't throw up on him.
This is good parenting.
I was in the 6th grade and had just started going over to my best friends house for the weekend. His dad was sitting on the ledge for the fireplace bumping Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani on repeat for a good 45 minutes.
Edit: a few times he did go around that track.
Intimacy no one wants.
My lifelong friend's dad is a nurse practitioner. When I was 19 I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time, so I went in to see him. He gave me a rectal exam. I'll occasionally get a, "Hey, remember that time my dad stuck his fingers up your butt?" from my buddy.
PowerPoint porn.
GiphyFriend's dad who I was building a website for, and thus was in contact by email seemed to accidentally forward a PowerPoint with a bunch of super generic adult videos copy and pasted into it, being shared by like 30 correspondents.
What it appeared to me was a bunch of old very not tech savvy guys thought copy and pasting porn into a PowerPoint was either the most efficient, or the most discreet way of sharing porn, and somehow I accidentally got added to the list.
Alcohol is a truth serum, so...
We picked up my friends mom one night at a bar cause she was drunk and on the way back she kept yelling "I'm not going to sleep with you you!" But yeah that was the strangest 1hr ride of my life.
Door Jam
In high school, my friend was dating a guy and we both were invited by him to his house. His mom was super mean though and acted like us being there was awful. I rang the doorbell and was invited inside by the mom. I was there for an hour and had to go outside to get something out of my car. I came back inside and heard "UMEXCUSEME!" "I'm sorry, yes?" "You didn't ring the doorbell before BARGING into my HOME." "Oh I'm sorry, uuuh...should I go back outside?" "We wait to be invited inside in this house." I went back outside and the door was closed on me. I rang the doorbell and heard the Mom say "Who is it?" "Hi it's Rustmutt here to see your son." "Just a moment! opens door please come inside." Turns out every time you leave the house even for a second she expected the pageantry of a first invite.
Cost of Children
GiphyA friend's father was absolutely convinced that I was only friends with his daughter for money. They weren't exactly rich, maybe a tiny bit better off than we were, but it was impossible for him to know that. When her Dreamcast needed a new cable after one of her pets chewed through it, he came storming into her room while we were hanging out and demanded to know why I thought he would buy me something. My friend had to jump in and explain that it was her cable, not mine. He'd complain if I spent the night because he had to feed me, like I was a stray cat. It was incredibly weird. The worst part is he made extremely inappropriate jokes all throughout dinner when I was there. I was maybe 14.