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family secrets
We all have our own things that make us happy or comfortable, much of which was taught to us during our childhood.
But in many cases, we might not realize how weird some of the things we do are until we've spent more time around other people.
Curious, Redditor BriefDarkWizard asked:
"What's something your family raised you to do that you later learned was really weird?"
Just In Case?
"My parents are really germophobic and my dad thinks he has to 'kill the bacteria' on the bread when he buys it fresh, so he puts it in the oven to toast and almost f**king burns it. He thinks that whoever did the bread sneezed or accidentally spit on it."
"In my country, we eat bread almost every day, I thought everybody did this, this is insane."
- pasta-e-polemich
When the Grades Come First
"If I had friends over, my mom wouldn't allow me to offer them anything to eat or drink except bottled water."
"They also weren't allowed to use the upstairs washroom, they had to use the tiny one in the basement. They also weren't allowed to sit on any of the couches and half the time not even on the chairs."
"I'm fairly certain my mom was trying to make visits by friends as unwelcoming as possible so they wouldn't visit, and ditch me as a friend."
"She thought that all that mattered was studying and getting good grades, and she was more than willing to sacrifice my social life and happiness to ensure that I got good grades."
- yeetgodmcnechass
A Prioritized Meal
"I've had several people tell me that I eat weird, concerning the order I eat my food because generally I still eat the way I was taught as a kid."
"As a kid, we were taught to eat all our non-potato vegetables first, then the potatoes, then meat."
"I thought that was how everyone ate, until years later, when eating with other people, they'd be all concerned that I didn't like the meat that was served because I hadn't touched it yet."
"I asked my mom about it once, and her reasoning was that since we were never made to finish everything on our plate, if we were too full to finish, at least we would have eaten our vegetables. (And any meat that was left over, was generally put in our sandwich for lunch the next day, instead of the usual Vegemite sandwich)."
- Kalamac
Multi-Purpose Whistling
"Whistling for each other. My mom didn't like yelling up the stairs. Apparently, an easier solution for walking up them and addressing whomever she needed was to stand at the bottom and give a couple of sharp whistles. We would approach the top of the stairs, and from the bottom, she'd tell us what she needed."
"Time for dinner? Whistle."
"I want you to come downstairs? Whistle."
"When I whistled for my at-the-time husband, he got irritated and said he wasn't a dog. I thought about it and I was like... huh. I guess you're right."
"I now feel like whistling is disrespectful, and I'd never do it. At the same time, I have no problem that this is how our house went. It was more peaceful than shouting, and less work than walking. Just one of those weird family quirks, I guess!"
- BeatrixPls
An At-Home Spa
"We used to give each other back massages. My sisters and I grew up in a house where my mom and dad would always offer to rub our backs or play with our hair to help us wind down for bedtime… so we grew up thinking that it was normal to exchange daily back rubs with your family."
"Is this weird or normal? I still don’t know. But my sisters and I still do this when we visit each other and we seem to be the only family who does. I never see my husband’s sisters start a back rub train on the couch while they’re watching a movie during Christmas break. It’s just us, lol (laughing out loud). I'm starting to think that we are the weird ones."
- gladiola111
Deeply Transactional Relationships
"Whenever it was one of our birthdays, my father made us keep a pen and pad next to the phone to list everyone who called and when. He’d then keep a 'blacklist' of everyone who didn’t call or didn’t call in a timely fashion (for example, the closer you were related, the earlier in the day you should call under his rules)."
"I didn’t realize this was messed up until I was an adult and had a lot of therapy."
- thatwasdramatic
"My grandmother did something similar but with gifts."
"Until the day she died, my grandmother kept a list of every single gift she gave and received, with a price next to it. She wanted to make sure she always got what she was owed."
- Hopefulkitty
Stay Outside All Day
"In the summer, my dad used to get us up (myself and three siblings) at 9:00 AM, give us breakfast, and then boot us out of the house and lock the back/front doors from the inside. We weren’t allowed back inside until the streetlights came on (unless it was ONLY: using the washroom or getting a drink)."
"Our ages were ten, nine, seven, and four. The first time he did it because he told me, 'You’re old enough to look after them on your own now,' and, 'You're not sitting around the house on your fat a**es all day.' My step-mom never questioned it because she figured that he was just getting us to play outside for a few hours."
"Once, my second youngest sister (the seven-year-old) got heat stroke, and my dad was P**SED that he had to drive us all to the hospital and 'waste time.'"
"I realized when I was 14 or 15 that he just wanted us out of the house so he could drink and watch NHL. We never really questioned why he was kicking us out because the other kids who lived on the street were also outside around the same time as us."
"Once we were invited into my brother's friend's house to play his Wii and we were like, 'What??? You're allowed to go inside and play the Wii??? What the f**k???'"
- AkKik-Maujaq
Water Conservation (and Noise)
"We didn't flush the toilet at night."
"Our toilet used to be fed by a rainwater reservoir that was stored in a cupboard up high in my parents' room."
"When you flushed, it used to drip for a while and would disturb them (can't blame them)."
"I just got used to doing it and when I moved in with my girlfriend she was disgusted that things were left until the morning (can't blame her, either)."
- toon_84
Traumatic Emotional Labor
"I remember following our dad around to make sure he wasn't inconvenienced by even the smallest of things just so we could try to prevent his next inevitable meltdown."
- Kuaro
"I feel this. I was a little girl following my dad around to make him stop shouting."
- Charming_Function_58
"I'm so sorry. It should never be up to a child to placate an emotionally unstable adult. I hope things are much better now."
- ShreakingDeath
When the Name Fits
"My Taiwanese-born dad called tortillas 'burrito skins.' I still call them that when I’m tired."
- Tcloud
Truly Unbeatable Priorities...
"We were not allowed to have a drink with our meals. It could be the driest food ever or you could be thirsty as all h**l, nope, no water, finish the meal first."
"Bathing/showering only on Saturday evenings. I must have smelled so bad back then, especially since my dad smoked in the house. It was to save money on the water bill. But a pack of cigarettes a day was in the budget."
- ariellann
Quality Over Quantity Time
"When I became an adult I was shocked to find out that other families did things with their kids. My Mom was a shopper, and my Dad golfed and played cards at the club. We NEVER had any family activities like hiking, camping, bowling, or anything in the 60s and 70s."
"When I had things my parents could have come to watch, they never did. My daughter was a good tennis player and I spent every afternoon and all weekend with her playing. She did get a full-ride tennis scholarship in Hawaii for college."
"I don’t think I had one real conversation with my Dad. When he was dying, I asked him if he could tell me he was proud of me. He said, 'I’ll think about it.'"
"That s**t effs you up for life."
- Glittering_Sky_8421
Favorite Flavor Combinations
"We only ever ate chili with mashed potatoes and apple sauce."
"I thought everyone did this until grade 11 when I had dinner at a friend's house. Her mom put out chili, and I asked if they had any apple sauce."
"They all looked at me like I was nuts, lol (laughing out loud)."
- LeadershipSure8419
An Open Door Policy
"Having your teen partners just... move in."
"My brothers both had their girlfriends move in with us when they were 14 and 15, due to their home life being rough. When I was 14, my boyfriend of three months got kicked out, so he moved in with us no questions asked, for two years."
"Several of our friends also just moved in with us."
- Velmabutgoth
"We took in strays, too. All three kids, who are in their 20s now, all had friends or significant others move in. We couldn't stand the thought of young teens living on the streets, because that's where they were headed, and we had the room."
- moveyourbloomina**
Truly Underrated Family Pets
"A nice one between all the sad ones:"
"Apparently, people think getting your kids salamanders as pets is weird. But I disagree, they are super cute, I've had salamanders from eight up until 18. It taught me that animals other than mammals were awesome too."
- Pauline___
Every family is different, but it's easy to see why some of the nicer practices here were put into place and why the negative things were so traumatically lasting.
The most important thing is to do the things that make you and your family happy, even if it means someone side-eyeing you about your love for apple sauce.