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dominic hilton
After coming out at 14, Dominic Hilton, now 28, believed “110 per cent" that he was gay – until his New Year's Resolution to spend 2018 sex-free after a nasty break up made him question everything.
Finding himself attracted to women for the first time, the support worker, of Bournemouth, Dorset, began to believe he was in fact straight.
Rejoining the dating world in January 2019, he vowed to lose his virginity to a woman – which he did in April of this year.
But now, he has decided that he does not identify as any one sexual orientation, and has found shedding himself of all labels to be very liberating.
He explained: “Growing up, I believed 110 per cent I was gay, and then telling everyone I thought I may be straight after my year of celibacy was like coming out all over again."
He continued: “But now, I regret labelling myself as anything at all. I am currently dating a man, but I wouldn't rule women out in the future.
“I've had people ask whether that means I'm bisexual, or pansexual, which is where you are attracted to a person, romantically and emotionally, regardless of gender.
“I still say no, though. People like to label, and put one another in boxes, as a way of making sense of the world, but it feels so much better not to do that. I'm not claiming to be anything – other than happy."
In his younger years, save for a couple of teenage flings with girls before he came out at 14, Dominic exclusively dated men.
Working for a spell as a male escort, he even racked up “between 100 and 150" notches on his bedpost.
But then, everything changed when a two-year relationship with his ex-boyfriend came to an abrupt end over the Christmas dinner table in December 2017.
Keen not to jump back into the world of dating before he was ready, Dominic took some time out for himself – during which he stumbled upon an article about celibacy on the internet.
He recalled: “To get over someone, a lot of people go and get under someone else, but I didn't want to do that.
“I started reading up on celibacy and saw people talk about how it had helped their self-esteem, lessened their anxieties, gave them more energy and generally taught them more about who they were."
Figuring he had nothing to lose, Dominic made a New Year's Resolution to spend 2018 celibate – much to the surprise of his loved ones.
He added: “A lot of my friends found it funny. I remember one saying, 'You'll never do it.' But the longer it went on, the more determined I was."
And, as the year went on, Dominic found that, not only was he feeling more confident and energized than ever before, but he was also suddenly looking at women in a different way.
"I'm not claiming to be anything – other than happy."
–Dominic Hilton
By the time 2018 drew to a close, he became convinced that he was no longer attracted to men.
Then, in January 2019, at that point identifying as straight, he made an entirely different New Year's Resolution – to lose his virginity to a woman.
Around the same time, he also decided to go public with his story in a bid to extol the virtues of celibacy to anybody else out there struggling with self-esteem, or feeling disillusioned by dating.
Sadly, though, he was met with a wave of vile comments from online trolls, who even went as far as sending him death threats.
He recalled: “I had all sorts of reaction. I was told to kill myself, told I was an embarrassment to the LGBT community and even sent death threats.
“One of the worst things was people sharing my story in a bid to promote conversion therapy, which was never my intention, and certainly not something I would ever agree with."
He added: “I never set out trying to convince other people to change sexuality. All I wanted to do was share my own story, and that is how I thought I identified at the time.
“I tried not to pay attention to the trolls, though. If it had been all my family and friends saying it, it would have been different – but those people don't know me.
“Plus I also got messages of support, and even heard from people who had been through something similar, spending years thinking they identified as one thing, only to start feeling different in later life."
Dominic's newfound notoriety did mean that he was often recognized by girls on dating apps – many of whom would block him, or tell him they were not interested.
But he also received positive messages, with people encouraging him to be who he was, and pay no attention to internet bullies.
Then, in March 2019, he struck up a conversation with a girl he met on Facebook.
They went on to date for around six weeks or so, and Dominic even introduced her to some of his family, after losing his virginity.
He recalled: “We'd been talking non-stop before we met, over the phone. We just clicked. We had our first date in London, and stayed in a hotel. Though we didn't sleep together that night, we did share a bed.
“After that, we spoke all the time, and eventually, I lost my virginity. That was something I'd really wanted to do, so I was happy."
He continued: “It wasn't some big romantic moment – more of a drunken fumble – but she said she was surprised I was a virgin which was a compliment.
“We parted ways soon after because we realized we weren't right for each other, but I'm still glad it happened, and I enjoyed it at the time.
“Dating a woman, I found, was completely different to dating men, as I wasn't used to it at all so it was all completely new to me."
"I regret labelling myself as anything at all. I am currently dating a man, but I wouldn't rule women out in the future."
–Dominic Hilton
“There were certain things I did differently. I felt like I fell into a standard gender role. I was inclined to be more of a gentleman and spoil her and treat her as a lady," he said.
“I also felt more inclined to pay for things, like contributing towards her train when she came to see me. And I felt more self-conscious about coming across as camp."
In the months that followed, Dominic was not especially thinking about returning to dating men – until he met his now-boyfriend in a bar about two months ago, and was completely swept off his feet.
Now, he does not identify as gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual or anything else, and believes that sexuality can indeed be fluid.
Open-minded as ever, he is not ruling out women, and feels an attraction to both genders – sometimes leaning more towards one than the other.
He said: “People do think sexuality can't be fluid. I've had people trying to work me out, putting this label or that on me."
He continued: “I'm not saying everybody should feel this way, and I'm not claiming to be any one orientation.
“But right now, I'm really happy, and it feels good not to put myself in a box anymore.
“All people need to know about me is I'm Dominic, and I like what I like."