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male normative alexithymia
In her video she explained:
"Our marriages are ending because of one thing and one thing only—that is normative male alexithymia."
She elaborated, saying it's not that men don't experience emotions, but they lack the emotional intelligence and/or awareness to analyze and discuss what they're feeling or to empathize with someone trying to express their emotions.
The creator then revealed that the responsibility, in turn, falls on women.
"We deal with your emotions, the lack of ability you have to regulate yourself."
She continued:
"Our households live and die by your insecurities, what we're allowed to talk about and what we're not allowed to talk about."
"All the couple's humor in the world does not take away from the fact that you're not interested in us, you're not interested in contributing in a way that doesn't work for you."
She then noted that women who stay in these relationships find themselves perpetually unhappy, but the situation will not get better.
"You have to be a sociopath for that not to bother you."
"Go to whatever therapy, read whatever book you have to read to make that change."
You can watch the video below.
WARNING: NSFW language
While there was a defensive comment or two...
@thekatiehanlon/TikTok
Many completely agreed with what Hanlon had to say.
A few men even chimed in.
@thekatiehanlon/TikTok
@thekatiehanlon/TikTok
@thekatiehanlon/TikTok
And several women shared their experiences dealing with this kind of behavior.
@thekatiehanlon/TikTok
@thekatiehanlon/TikTok
@thekatiehanlon/TikTok
@thekatiehanlon/TikTok
@thekatiehanlon/TikTok
@thekatiehanlon/TikTok
@thekatiehanlon/TikTok
Hanlon also dedicated part of her video to "the good ones."
"[If] you're not actively making this your top priority, then you are not one of the good ones."
She then addressed ongoing male vs. female conversations and gender norms: "division of labor, emotional labor, mental load, motherhood vs. fatherhood..."
"None of this f**king matters if we're not addressing the problem underneath which is the fact that men can't deal with their emotions."
"They can't label them. They can't talk about them."
"And we are dying early. Thank you."
Alexithymia. Remember that.