an Oh Myyy Property

We love zombies. More specifically, we love the idea of easily killing zombies, as they are traditionally the easiest of all monsters to destroy. Their slow and plodding nature makes them easy targets and anything big and blunt becomes an honorable weapon of survival. Unless, of course, you happen to be an over-confident military leader, or a doubtful member of a lone survivor's party, or, perhaps worst yet, a backstabbing traitor, then you probably won't survive too long. Clichés aside, it's important to be honest with yourself about what you'd do if the zombie apocalypse ever came to your neighborhood.


Reddit user, u/thanoslobster, wanted to know what's your fallback plan for an undead uprising when they asked:

If you knew that a zombie outbreak is going to occur tomorrow where do you go and why?

Honesty Is The Best Policy...

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If there was a zombie outbreak I would be one of the dudes in those movies who dies in the opening scene so that everyone else knows they are now in a zombie movie.

"Hey guys, you won't believe the day I had. Some crackhead bit me on my way home! Oh well, I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow!"

ceetc

...Sometimes To A Sad Degree.

My birthday party.

No one will find me there

RulerCalculator

Has There Ever Been A Medieval Zombie Film?

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I'm just going to wear a suit of armor and go about my usual business.

saltnotsugar

This is the kind of spirit I like to hear, soldier!

Ad victoriam!

TheTropicalNerd

Isolate Yourself

Stay home. I live in the mountains already.

Melliedepena

I have so many connections about internet speed and cellphone reception up there

workinprogress49

if a zombie outbreak happened, internet would crash and reception would no longer exist since theres no one to operate the servers and towers. even power would be an issue

trouble_in_space

Time To Get...Serious

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I have a multi-stage plan for this:

  1. Go to Flathead Lake and live on some of the islands. They have cabins and mansions on them, are close enough to shore to go there and hunt, and is a very secluded area.

If that falls through then...

2) Go to Kodiak Island. It has a small town, little people= Little zombie population. Lots of natural resources and is a very wild and expansive area. The winters might help with zombies as as well.

Now if that falls through then...

3) Go to the Faroe Islands. Very few people know about them and their small towns and wide spaces are good for hunting, fishing, and survival.

If that falls through then...

4) The final attempt is make it to Pitcairn Island. The most secluded place in the world will probably operate as normal because nobody goes there anyhow.

The reality of this plan is that it gives constant hope. No matter what place falls you will have hope of a better place. You'll keep on pushing and fighting to find somewhere better and maybe die hopeful on the way. Hope is the only way to survive a zombie apocalypse.

Clarkmandi

Gotta' Keep That Blood Where It Belongs

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Somewhere with no mosquitoes.

mudbutt20

Oh sh-t. Mosquitos have never once crossed my mind when thinking about zombies. Why is it never mentioned more?

punkmonkey22

Iceland is the place your looking for or Antarctica one of those two

anangrysoviet

You mean Greenland?

FoppishPierre

At Least There'd Be One In Every Town

Walmart.

I'll buy two months worth of food and water, and boards and nails to seal my house.

Unless the zombies are because of magic, their bodies will begin to break down in a few days from dehydration. Realistically, sheltering in place for a week would be more than enough to save yourself.

Lovebot_AI

Perhaps Even Better Than The Previous!

COSTCO.

Think about it lol...supplies, food, shelter. You could literally survive for years in a Costco.

mishelebell

They Can't Break The Ice

Everything around the line of Russia Scandinavia. You can hunt but the zombies can't get there. They will freeze... Even if they are immortal: No moving=no biting

ShakerGER

Grab All The Essentials

First place I'd go would be the water/gas place down my street. Load up my car and drive back and forth for a while, until I had enough water and propane to last me a good long while.

Then I'd go to the hunting/camping store and buy what I could from there. Whatever is available.

Then I'd sit at home. Gated community, check. Bars on my first floor, check. Heavy triple locked metal door, check...

whatshisfaceboy

A Spot Built On History

Los Alamos, NM.

It was a Manhattan Project site for a reason.

It's isolated, there are only a few ways in, and also it's high and dry enough that there aren't mosquitoes.

ThatTallGirl

We All Have That One Friend. Right?

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My neighbor's farm.

They have a garden, tons of animals, secured property and guns. They are also extremely tough. I'd head there immediately.

bigbug33

The Ocean Has Your Back

I'd go to an island in Maine.

Year-round source of fish, shellfish and birds, along with a short but productive growing season. Burn driftwood and dried seaweed for fuel. The coast is cooler in summer and warmer in winter than inland, so more comfortable than other locales.

Cold enough in winter to freeze zombies, so you can do clearing and foraging in winter.

theshoegazer

Cut Yourself Off From The World

I'd take a ship, supplies and a group of people and i'd sail to an island. It would have to be big enough to do some farming and build a couple of houses and just sit out all the zombies. They'll have to run out eventually and that's when we'll get back to building civilization.

Nienke_H

Perhaps The Only Time You Want To Go Back To High School

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The local high school has spiked fences and metal shutters, as well as some solar power, plenty of indoor and outdoor space.

It's close enough to shops that supply runs would not be an issue, but not somewhat many people would go, meaning there'd be less people to argue about supplies.

Jovis001

Back On The Weapons

Stockpile food and medieval weapons and armor in Mont Saint-Michelle. From there and a big enough group you can organize raids on the mainland and gather supplies. If the group is small enough fishing+farming on island can be enough. I have a little experience with longswords and know where to get manuals on sword and axe (more useful against zombies) usage against lightly armored foes (read zombies).

To get food and supplies I can use my savings and to get the medieval supplies it should be easy enough to raid a few small museums, as long as I don't get immediately caught there is no worry of police coming to catch me.

TL,DR: Find a small island with a plentiful source of food or highly defensible position.

simplebricks

Block All The Pathways

Go somewhere?

Ya scrubs.
Why do you think I live so high up? I'm just gonna go grocery shopping like mad and then steal all the shopping carts to block the stairwells.
What are my neighbors gonna think when they come home and the stairwells are all blocked? Well, they're gonna thank me, of course, once they use the elevator and are save in their apartments.
And this is how I saved everyone.

TheWordShaker

People Are Trying To Get Out, And You're Going In

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...get sent to prison. You've gotta imagine between the armed guards, the defenses and, as a last resort, all the hardened criminals it would be one of the most secure places to be.

Sp00py-Gh0st

I Think We're All Overlooking The BEST Plan

The Winchester, and have a nice cold pint and wait for it to all blow over.

04housemat

New Plan- Pick up mom, kill Phillip, save girlfriend and the to the Winchester, and have a nice cold pint and wait for it to all blow over

NameNotFound808

SPOILER ALERT: The Answer Is A Pawn Shop

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Cash Converters.

  • The windows are barred up
  • They're usually in strip malls so close to food
  • There's always a sword there for some reason
  • And a sh-t load of books
  • Nobody expects you to be at Cash Converters

Cash Converters, man

DeedTheInky

What's a cash converter? Like pawn shop?

amatorsanguinis

It's a magical place where you convert old TVs into money until you've earned enough to convert your money into a sword.

smellslikefeetinhere

H/T: Reddit


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When you know your kids backwards and forwards, this is the best tool in your arsenal.

Getting our kids to listen to us is not always the easiest of tasks. They're willful and stubborn, but we've got a mighty weapon they are rarely prepared for: reverse psychology. Getting them to convince themselves to want to do something against their own initial intentions takes some work and a whole lot of creativity, but a little sneaky manipulation goes a long way. Here are some clever parents' tricks that are definitely worth taking notes on.

Redditor u/LeanderD Asks:

Parents of reddit, what's your best example of reversed psychology on your kids that actually worked?

He Floated His Idea Through A Back Channel

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Wanted to name my boat. Anything I would think of was dismissed as stupid by my 13 year old son. After deciding on a name, I confided to a male friend my son liked. Made my friend suggest the name as though it was his idea. My son thought the name was perfect. Done.

calypsodweller

We Always Want What We Can't Have

One of my best friends through childhood used to be punished with no salad if she misbehaved. She cherishes salad now and would always try to eat as much as possible during school lunch. Coincidentally, her now husband used to be punished with no books, it had the same effect. I think it's hilarious that they'd be hitting the salad bar and library like some black market their narc parents couldn't reach hahaha.

cookiearthquake

A Deceit That's A Cut Above The Rest

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Don't know if this counts, but, at my high school (private, boys only) in the 1960's, they made a big deal about how long your hair was, and would occasionally order a boy to go home and "get a haircut".

I thought it was stupid, until years later, a master confided to me at a reunion that the policy was deliberate. The school figured we'd spend so much energy rebelling about hair length, that we would ignore other aspects of teenage rebellion. (Not?) Surprisingly, they were mostly right.

FrankDrakman

Damn! That's smart. Wow.

fangxx456

Oh they don't like long hair?

I'll show them. I'll grow my hair out as lon- what?! No I don't want to go "party"? I gotta try out this horse shampoo.

DankeyKang11

The Forbidden Book

Hi I was a victim,

There was a forbidden book that I was not allow to read on the shelf. My parents said I could only read it if I behave myself.

It was summer holidays and I was playing games all day (after 6 hrs of summer homework). One day I was home alone and had the opportunity to grabbed it. I read like half of it in one go. It was 5000 years of Chinese history.

Safe to say I was bamboozled.

oddstodd

Flowers Of The Queen

My parents always told me my broccoli were the flowers of the queen and that I really shouldn't eat them, or else the queen would get very upset! I, of course, ate the whole broccoli in a few seconds.

Subwoofy

I'm telling the queen and she's gonna be pissed

draculacletus

Sleeping Beauty

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I taught my kids when they were toddlers that no amount of yelling, shaking or hitting can wake a sleeping adult. The only thing that works is a gentle hug and/or a nice kiss on the cheek.

Edit: Probably needed some more details for the reverse psychology aspect to be clear. It went something like this - Step one, tell the kids I'm going to sleep and nothing they do will wake me (head buried face down is the safest position). Step two, after the initial onslaught dies down pretend to awaken on your own. Tell them you got a bit of nap left in you and nothing can wake you, especially not hugs and kisses.

DrMethusael

Holy sh*t...if my daughter woke me up like this I would buy her a pony.

All-Seeing_Elon

I am saving this comment because this will save lives if I ever have kids, stg.

smerter

A Walk In Someone Else's Shoes.

Split custody with my ex. When my son was around 10, he visited two weekends a month. I was waiting tables and didn't have a huge amount to spend, but he was so needy from divorce (and I'm not blaming him, it was ugly), he begged constantly for MORE when he was with me. Whatever more was, it didn't matter... he'd be eating ice cream cone and begging for teriyaki.

I finally realized that he just felt empty, and getting MORE whatever from me wasn't filling him up. His next visit I handed him $100 in cash and told him it was our food/fun budget for 3 days and two nights, and he was in charge of it. I bought him his own wallet to carry. We figured out how many times we were going to eat and what we were going to do, and he paid. He got to keep whatever money he had left...thought he was rich...then realized just how much everything cost. Well. Shoe on other foot then. If we had no money for food, we ate leftovers - and I didn't contribute more to pot. After a few weekends of running short or not getting something he actually wanted because he was foolish with funds, he started to really think about how to spend that money. He budgeted and kept to his budget. And a few times he actually went home with a little cash for his private stash.

Many years later, he thanked me for this. It really changed the way he thought about money and love.

Augumenti

This Is Worth Giving A Shot

Took my 3 year old son to one of those doctor's visits where he was going to get a shot. He was worried about the shot on the whole drive over, almost to the point of tears. We get to the doctor's office and a nurse subtly lets me know that my son is not just scheduled for 1 shot, but 5 of them in the same visit.

I turn to my son with an exaggerated smile and tell him, "Good news! They figured out how to take that one big shot you were going to get and instead break it up into these 5 little tiny shots so it won't hurt nearly as much!"

You could see the relief wash over his face. He stopped squirming and relaxed completely. He took the first shot and even smiled and said "It's true! The small ones don't hurt!"

We actually made it through the third shot before the effect wore off and reality kicked in. Still... I counted it as a victory.

blackbird77

Put This To The Taste

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My mom would tell me she only lets me eat soup after candy and she'd only buy me candy that i didn't like. After a few times, i stopped trying and begged her to let me eat soup first. She gave me a smirk and told me go ahead. This doesn't sound as evil as it was. But trust me i suffered.

turkeypr0

So what was the candy?

Poster_Main

Mint chocolate, raisins, stuff like that. I still hate them to this day. Who the f--- thought while eating chocolate "hmm id like some tooth paste with this."

turkeypr0

This is Truckin' Awesome

Mum had sworn a bit around the house.

When 4, while out at the supermarket, I said F word really loudly.

Very quickly and intently, she asked if I had just said "Truck" and said that was a bad word and not to ever say Truck like that again.

I thought that was the bad word so used that when being naughty.

GodOfTheThunder

The "Silly Mom" Routine

The "Silly Mom" routine.

My kid, and a few other kids I've known, would balk at getting ready to go. I'd grab their clothes and say, "Well, if you won't put on your clothes, I guess I'll put on your clothes. Cute shirt, by the way! Does it go on my foot?"

NO!

"Does it go on my head?"

NO! IT GOES ON ME!

"Oh, that's right, thanks! So, it must go on your legs, right?"

NO!

"I just can't figure this out! Where does this adorable shirt go?"

[kid grabs shirt and puts it on] ON MY TUMMY! SILLY MOM!

"Oh, thank you so much! Now what about these pants? Shirts go on tummies, so...the pants go on the tummy, too, right?"

NO!

[continue until kids have dressed themselves]

I would also do things like hand the kid my keys and say, "Alright, you're driving, I'll sit in the booster seat in back," attempt to feed the kid by putting a spoon up to his ear or his belly button, and attempt to put away his toys in the refrigerator.

insertcaffeine

Some Foot For Thought.

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My mum would always yell at us "if you don't do X, you have to go to bed without socks!"

I never wore socks anyway, and I'm ashamed to admit that this worked.

Splittsky

That would work really well on my son, or make him cry for a really long time... He's 3 and over the last few weeks has decided that he is fully unable to sleep without socks on.

PJQueen

Toddlers man. Completely unpredictable.

SheaRVA

I'm Greens With Envy

My mum had a friend that would put vegetables on her own plate and not the kids.

When the kids asked she would be reluctant to share, "that's grown up food. But I suppose I can let you have a little."

Her kids grew up loving vegetables.

I sat at the dinner table for 3 hours staring at the yucky cauliflower I refused to eat.

laik72

This reminds me of an instance when my child convinced my wife and myself to change our plans for dinner. We were in a grocery store to pick up something quick and easy to eat that we wouldn't have to prepare. Our daughter, wanted none of that, she demanded that she wanted a salad from the salad bar. We started to argue back, but then realized: "Our child demands that we feed her vegetables for dinner instead of a microwaved meal, why are we saying 'No?'"

We had salad for dinner that night.

Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

The Power Of Choice

I don't so much know if you would call it reverse psychology, but I didn't realize it until my dad told me this.

When there were chores that needed doing, he noticed if he asked me to mow the lawn, I would complain and procrastinate. But if he asked would I rather mow the lawn or wash the windows, I'd pick one and just get it done.

Shattered my brain when he told me when I was in my twenties. I use it when I'm coaching or baby sitting all the time and it almost never fails.

AppealToReason16

The Boy Who Cried 'Ouch'

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I've done this one with tens of kids. Any time a kid gets "hurt" (falls down on grass, gets gently hit in the face with a ball, etc.) instead of stopping the activity to pick the kid up and see if they're ok you just scoot them off to the side and resume. Within 10 seconds of not getting all the attention and seeing the fun is resuming they pop right back up and are magically healed.

This of course is only for the "injuries" that aren't actually injuries.

pedanticProgramer

Kelly Sullivan/Getty Images

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