an Oh Myyy Property

There are a few requirements that are a must at every wedding, or at least they should be a must! It's a no brainer... a couple in love, music and a cake. Seems simple enough! It's suppose to be a celebration, not a prelude to a funeral. If your guests are having to put the wedding together for you during the ceremony, or fainting from starvation, or bored out of their skulls because you've allowed family and friends to relish in their fifteen minutes of fame threw self-indulgent speeches... YOU HAVE FAILED!

Redditor u/RedxSmoke was wondering what almost brought them to an "I Object" reaction by asking... What is the worst wedding you've ever been to? What made it bad? Now toss the bouquet!


Too much Mr. Worldwide!

Giphy

Went to a couple's wedding who were both on their second wedding. The dude was rich so everything was pretty nice. Except they decided a DJ wasn't needed. She made a playlist from Youtube and had that playing.

The levels on all the songs were different, we had to wait for crappy wifi to play load the songs, and someone had to keep changing the playlist when it finished. But that wasn't the worst part.


More than half the songs were Pitbull. He was on every playlist, sometimes in a row, and songs were repeated.

I should add in that they definitely had the money for it, as they had a guy playing guitar the whole time. No singing. Just acoustic guitar while pictures were being taken. notdazzer

Just the 3 of Us... 

I'm not sure if this was the best or the worst wedding I've attended. It was my cousin's, who had a Christian wedding. The person officiating the wedding went on a long speech about how Jesus is also part of their marriage and proceeded to use the term "three-way" at least a dozen times. "It's not just the two of you, it's a three way. A three way in the bedroom, a three way in the kitchen, a three way in the basement, a three way in the backyard..." Poor guy couldn't figure out why half the audience was dying of laughter. I would have thought he was trolling us, but this was in a very small, very conservative town and the guy was a hundred years old. Keepsmakingaccounts

Wal-Mart caters?

Oh man this one is easy. It was on a beach on a day where the wind decided it wanted to make a point that it was boss. Wind coming off the ocean tends to cut through clothing really easily and this was an outside wedding at night.

Ceremony starts, the microphone they are using is straight static and no one can hear a thing the groom say and its just loud ear piercing static. Once the finish and they are about to walk down the aisle to take pictures, the grooms brother run up there and grabs the mic and says wait everyone I have something to say. Gives a 30 minute sermon about God's will (neither of these people getting married are religious). They go and take pictures, it takes two and a half hours. It starts to become night time and everyone is in dress clothes waiting for the pictures to finish up. Still no food and everyone is starving and freezing to death.

Then finally it was food time. Apparently the catering company drove all the food pre-made from hours away. It consisted of white rice, salad, mashed potatoes and the driest unsalted chicken you would get from El Pollo Loco. At least we would get cake. I was wrong. They brought out little cheese cake bites that were cut in to little squares. I ate one and knew the gig was up. It was the tell tale sign of Sara Lee cheese cake. These caterers seriously charged these people to cater their wedding and went and got 8 dollar cheese cakes from the store and tried to pass it off. It was kind of crazy and I left I was too cold to be out there during that. SomethingaboutAvs

Who needs a wedding!

This is odd, but I am going to say mine.

This was because of my wife's family. We wanted to keep the wedding very small. We were very young and some thought we were too young to get married, so this was the reasoning for keeping it small. I had my parents, brother and 4 friends. My wife invited her parents, brother and grandmother. Her grandmother took it upon herself to invite the entire side of my wife's family. We had over 100 unexpected guests that acted as if they were insulted that they had to be there.

The good news is, my wife kicks a**, going on 15 years. all_bad_names_taken

I'm HANGRY!!

Giphy

The bride and groom totally skimped on the food. It was a long day from church (1pm) to dancing (9pm) and we were starving and miles away from the nearest town.


After a long mass, we were able to get half a scone with jam and cream, then wait for dinner at 5pm. The plated three course meal had no options and the portions were tiny and the food was not filling. My "fruit salad and ice cream" desert looked like carrot shavings.

There wasn't any evening snacks for the people who stayed to dance, and they didn't even cut the cake. We were starving and that's just not a feeling you can ignore at an event no matter how pretty the Pinterest. mary_ligon457

Do the ticks sit on the bride's side or the groom's? 

Ugh. I had friends get married in a "forest." It was a stretch of meager woods between two cornfields. Mosquitoes galore. We had to sit on logs that were covered in damp moss, the mud was ankle deep in places, and the ceremony was inaudible due to a tractor plowing the field. They served food out a "charming old cottage" that was actually a rotting former chicken coop that the groom literally dragged in from elsewhere. The entire event was a nightmare. SuzQP

Sing out Louise! 

My brother's wasn't bad, but it was kind of annoying. It was held in a place where no microphones were allowed (due to the presence of tropical birds who would be upset by them) and the registrar who was doing the service had no concept of vocal projection, so we were just sitting there desperately trying to make out what she was saying so we could follow. I look grumpy in every photo due to straining myself to hear, and I was in the second row! We were essentially just watching a woman's lips flapping while my sister-in-law was wearing a nice dress. MrLuxarina

I'm not bringing a gift then! 

They did a potluck wedding, but no one brought any food. Everyone left after the first dance. janie_brown854

I feel like that's the thing you really want to establish in advance. Like ok you bring a side dish and you bring a entree. Etc. future_nurse19

Exactly, I went to a potluck wedding this past weekend and I told the bride what I was going to make probably two months in advance. epicamytime

Stop speaking! 

You want to kill a wedding? Put speeches an hour after dinner and have that happen for three hours. I think speeches started around 8 pm, by the time the video tributes and the people talking about how great everyone is ended, it was 11 o' clock and everyone was just done. Not a lot of time to dance and socialize left over when the venue was closing at midnight. I was feeling sick so I should have left sooner. fuzzay

I'd rather be alone than unhappy!  Sing it Whitney!

Giphy

My "best"friend's wedding. She should never have married her husband. She is only with him because she doesn't think she can do better and no one else had really expressed interest. It was painful to watch her just lock herself into this darkness/nihilation of self. I could see she even knew that's what was happening, somewhere deep inside. So many things happened which made it clear what was happening and even why. To bullet the despair:

She spent the evening before with my husband and I talking about any guy she had ever had an interest in or flirtation with. It was like she was mourning all of her lost chances. No excitement, no mention of her husband to be. We jokingly (but not that jokingly) offered to just take her home with us, 6 hours away


She had no plans for getting ready the next day. Asked me at 10 PM to do her hair and makeup and arranged for the photographer to come to my hotel to document this. We also drove her to the wedding.

Neither I nor my husband (her second best friend) were invited to be in her wedding party. It was strange, and so many people the next day would say "Oh, you're her best friend! She talks about you all the time!" and look confused. Her matron of honor and bridesmaid were her husband's best man's family. They did not contribute to helping her get ready. It was like she didn't want us, the people who care about her, involved in this.


Her parents had not been in touch for days and came 15 minutes late to the ceremony, never calling her beforehand. She had clearly learned her lack of value at home...

His vows were mostly jokes for the audience. Loving her was never mentioned

Despite her asking him not to, he violently smushed the cake in her face. I helped her clean up. It was deeply up her nostrils, in her hair, in her eyes. Bridemaids tried to take pictures while laughing until I menacingly threw them out of the bathroom. It took me a while to make her vaugely presentable again. I offered again to just take her with me, far less jokingly. This time she was quiet and a little teary but did not respond.


Best man's speech was about her husband mostly, with a story about how clumsy she is. I had to walk outside. My husband had to calm me down as I cried and yelled about it all, before people heard me.

In the end, this was her choice. She spent the following ten years- so far- feeding the worst, saddest parts of herself. She's become completely self-involved (I guess she needs to because no one else in her life is taking care of her). We haven't actually spoken in about 3 years, though she emails with my husband (again, about herself only). She still calls me her BFF on facebook and refers to my daughter as her niece, though my daughter doesn't know her at all. Thank God they never had children. I know they haven't had sex in at least 4 years.

It was a wedding, but it felt like watching someone commit suicide. 2beagles

Talk about a cursed Love....

My sweet cousin got married this past spring. The ceremony was all about Jesus this and covenant that. There was a big thing about submission. I had to practically hold my sister back from charging the pastor. My cousin is deeply religious so I let it go.

What makes it bad is the pastor shot himself in front of my aunt (cousin's mom) and his wife. It's been a mess for the entire family.

Everyone is now in therapy. PaintedLady5519

So Not Hot!

I haven't been to a lot of weddings, but my sister's was so boring. She had a destination ceremony, so the bad part was just the reception. There was just nothing to do. Everyone sat around chatting and eating for like 3 hours, they did a "first dance" and stuff, but didn't really announce anything so no one watched. They took pictures with someone's cell phone. It was supposed to be one of those shabby chic barn weddings, but it was actually in a welding shop (?) it was so hot. And did I mention boring? But when everyone started to leave after literally doing nothing for 3+ hours my sister got mad. And it wasn't like other weddings where they were gone for 2 hours taking pictures (Which I also hate) like they were there... idk she was planning it for so long and stressing about it a lot and it just was boring, and she was a huge jerk through the whole ordeal. Bridezilla doesn't even begin to cover it. BlNGPOT

Not so Happy New Year! 

Went to a friend of a friend's wedding as a stand-in date. Her genius idea was to get married at night in a field on her farm. Everyone sat on hay bales.

This was at night. On New Years Eve. In Northern Connecticut.

I think my butt froze to the hay bale and the catering tent wasn't much warmer. Saturn_5_speed

Can you Feel it? Hot-Hot-Hot!!

Oh my god, my own. My husband and I were eloping and found a man to officiate our whole deal and going into it, seemed like a great idea! The man was really nice on the phone, told us to come on by this little chapel he worked at. Seemed legit enough. It was just me, my now husband, my older sister, her husband, and my younger sister. We opted out of family being there for conflict reasons. The man who officiated it gave us beer while he sat us down to tell us that I needed to read Ephesians 4:22 (I think that's it) frequently to remember to submit to my husband, who couldn't stop laughing at this sentiment. Then he started smoking?

Inside? While explaining to us that he can legally divorce us for $850 if I (not my husband!) change my mind and proceeded to tell us a story about some woman he married to a man who was abusive. While he was reading us our stuff and doing the actual ceremony, the building began getting very hot. Like. Sweat dripping down your face hot. And he was smoking? Now I'm a smoker so it's like, whatever, I guess? But while your officiating a wedding? In a building that's pushing 90 degrees? While drinking a Miller Lite? My older sisters husband kept going to the bathroom every ten minutes to snort cocaine. They are no longer married. It was honestly the best day of my life. Got some amazing pictures that would fit right in over at r/trashy. What a shit show. daddicavi

Fourth time will be the charm....

Giphy

Two come to mind...

A former boss held his wedding at the family cottage on a lake. The "theme" of the wedding appeared to be "get the lake house ready for the wedding." Centerpieces were candid photos of the whole family cleaning trees, planting flowers. ALL speeches were nothing but praise for the family coming together to create such a nice wedding site. It was like the wedding itself wasn't important, just the fact that they got ready for it.

And my dad's second (out of three, not like it matters) wedding reception was terrible. The DJ refused to play actual songs, instead choosing to provide the vocals himself, like his own personal karaoke party. Weirdest part was that he sat down the whole time so it's not like he was putting any effort into it. sarahjunior

Tick-Tock! 

The wedding party was late for EVERYTHING. They were an hour late to the ceremony, they were two hours late for dinner, then they decided to do speeches before the meal so there went another hour. Then they played a stupid game where they played a song and if your table guessed the song you could go get in line for the buffet. My table went last because none of us had very much knowledge of country music and by that time it was another hour gone by.

We ate cold roast beef and the scrapings of a Caesar salad at 9:30 at night. It was also in a small town where nothing was open past 6 and it was over an hour to the next nearest town. epicamytime

Dry? Run for your LIFE!!

First, the very long Catholic ceremony's sermon had the premise of "get her pregnant as soon as possible."

Second, it turned out to be a dry wedding.

Third, the only food was an appetizer buffet.

Fourth, I was the guest of an ex-boyfriend, so I knew literally 3 people there, all of whom were in the wedding party, so it was difficult to spend time with them.

I left very sober, hungry, confused and bewildered. 0/10 Terrible time. mollymarie0801

Cheers to.... umm?

It was pretty obvious that none of the non-family guests liked the bride. The BM toast was all about their friendship and how he got himself a hot wife that will hopefully let them hang out together, bride side of ceremony empty besides relatives, no one went to do bouquet toss, MOH was really a good friend of the groom who toasted for him to be happy and said nothing about the bride except she was pretty.

Food was pretty inedible. Venue was not accessible, and some guests were handicapped. And also everyone left after dessert. The wedding ended very early. erin_gerber417

Not the "absolute" worst! 

Definitely not as horrible as some of these, but my fiancè and some friends of his went to their old bosses wedding. The food was mediocre (extremely small portions, like shitty sliders and pizza pockets) and we never ate because we had figured it was just the appetizers and that the food would be out shortly after, so the entire time we were STARVING. Also my best friend's ex boyfriend was seated next to us sulking and sighing the entire time (they had just broken up that week) and being extra weepy when the slow dance songs came on. Fiancè and i congratulated the couple and left ASAP and went to burger king. Chicken fries were 10/10. deadpuppybombbox

The Rapture isn't coming soon enough....

Giphy

The best man talked about how the groom broke up with the bride to focus on his relationship with God. The father of the bride spoke about how the rapture was coming. The father of the groom was the priest, and the whole thing was cringeworthy. Malvania

Oh God. Just shoot me. I used to work with a woman who was convinced the rapture was coming. She was exhausting. She also had a collection of lingerie that would make a whore blush. brutalethyl

REDDIT

We're all self-conscious about something, and it doesn't help when our faults get thrown in our faces. You don't want doctors hinting that something is "weird down there," nor do you want someone to tell you you're balding. WE KNOW.

Keep reading... Show less
Fox News, @hewster1369/Twitter

A guest on Fox News is being roasted online after his unusual description of how one would get high on marijuana.

Keep reading... Show less

Hmmmm, I don't think THAT'S your essay....

Keep reading... Show less

When you know your kids backwards and forwards, this is the best tool in your arsenal.

Getting our kids to listen to us is not always the easiest of tasks. They're willful and stubborn, but we've got a mighty weapon they are rarely prepared for: reverse psychology. Getting them to convince themselves to want to do something against their own initial intentions takes some work and a whole lot of creativity, but a little sneaky manipulation goes a long way. Here are some clever parents' tricks that are definitely worth taking notes on.

Redditor u/LeanderD Asks:

Parents of reddit, what's your best example of reversed psychology on your kids that actually worked?

He Floated His Idea Through A Back Channel

Giphy

Wanted to name my boat. Anything I would think of was dismissed as stupid by my 13 year old son. After deciding on a name, I confided to a male friend my son liked. Made my friend suggest the name as though it was his idea. My son thought the name was perfect. Done.

calypsodweller

We Always Want What We Can't Have

One of my best friends through childhood used to be punished with no salad if she misbehaved. She cherishes salad now and would always try to eat as much as possible during school lunch. Coincidentally, her now husband used to be punished with no books, it had the same effect. I think it's hilarious that they'd be hitting the salad bar and library like some black market their narc parents couldn't reach hahaha.

cookiearthquake

A Deceit That's A Cut Above The Rest

Giphy

Don't know if this counts, but, at my high school (private, boys only) in the 1960's, they made a big deal about how long your hair was, and would occasionally order a boy to go home and "get a haircut".

I thought it was stupid, until years later, a master confided to me at a reunion that the policy was deliberate. The school figured we'd spend so much energy rebelling about hair length, that we would ignore other aspects of teenage rebellion. (Not?) Surprisingly, they were mostly right.

FrankDrakman

Damn! That's smart. Wow.

fangxx456

Oh they don't like long hair?

I'll show them. I'll grow my hair out as lon- what?! No I don't want to go "party"? I gotta try out this horse shampoo.

DankeyKang11

The Forbidden Book

Hi I was a victim,

There was a forbidden book that I was not allow to read on the shelf. My parents said I could only read it if I behave myself.

It was summer holidays and I was playing games all day (after 6 hrs of summer homework). One day I was home alone and had the opportunity to grabbed it. I read like half of it in one go. It was 5000 years of Chinese history.

Safe to say I was bamboozled.

oddstodd

Flowers Of The Queen

My parents always told me my broccoli were the flowers of the queen and that I really shouldn't eat them, or else the queen would get very upset! I, of course, ate the whole broccoli in a few seconds.

Subwoofy

I'm telling the queen and she's gonna be pissed

draculacletus

Sleeping Beauty

Giphy

I taught my kids when they were toddlers that no amount of yelling, shaking or hitting can wake a sleeping adult. The only thing that works is a gentle hug and/or a nice kiss on the cheek.

Edit: Probably needed some more details for the reverse psychology aspect to be clear. It went something like this - Step one, tell the kids I'm going to sleep and nothing they do will wake me (head buried face down is the safest position). Step two, after the initial onslaught dies down pretend to awaken on your own. Tell them you got a bit of nap left in you and nothing can wake you, especially not hugs and kisses.

DrMethusael

Holy sh*t...if my daughter woke me up like this I would buy her a pony.

All-Seeing_Elon

I am saving this comment because this will save lives if I ever have kids, stg.

smerter

A Walk In Someone Else's Shoes.

Split custody with my ex. When my son was around 10, he visited two weekends a month. I was waiting tables and didn't have a huge amount to spend, but he was so needy from divorce (and I'm not blaming him, it was ugly), he begged constantly for MORE when he was with me. Whatever more was, it didn't matter... he'd be eating ice cream cone and begging for teriyaki.

I finally realized that he just felt empty, and getting MORE whatever from me wasn't filling him up. His next visit I handed him $100 in cash and told him it was our food/fun budget for 3 days and two nights, and he was in charge of it. I bought him his own wallet to carry. We figured out how many times we were going to eat and what we were going to do, and he paid. He got to keep whatever money he had left...thought he was rich...then realized just how much everything cost. Well. Shoe on other foot then. If we had no money for food, we ate leftovers - and I didn't contribute more to pot. After a few weekends of running short or not getting something he actually wanted because he was foolish with funds, he started to really think about how to spend that money. He budgeted and kept to his budget. And a few times he actually went home with a little cash for his private stash.

Many years later, he thanked me for this. It really changed the way he thought about money and love.

Augumenti

This Is Worth Giving A Shot

Took my 3 year old son to one of those doctor's visits where he was going to get a shot. He was worried about the shot on the whole drive over, almost to the point of tears. We get to the doctor's office and a nurse subtly lets me know that my son is not just scheduled for 1 shot, but 5 of them in the same visit.

I turn to my son with an exaggerated smile and tell him, "Good news! They figured out how to take that one big shot you were going to get and instead break it up into these 5 little tiny shots so it won't hurt nearly as much!"

You could see the relief wash over his face. He stopped squirming and relaxed completely. He took the first shot and even smiled and said "It's true! The small ones don't hurt!"

We actually made it through the third shot before the effect wore off and reality kicked in. Still... I counted it as a victory.

blackbird77

Put This To The Taste

Giphy

My mom would tell me she only lets me eat soup after candy and she'd only buy me candy that i didn't like. After a few times, i stopped trying and begged her to let me eat soup first. She gave me a smirk and told me go ahead. This doesn't sound as evil as it was. But trust me i suffered.

turkeypr0

So what was the candy?

Poster_Main

Mint chocolate, raisins, stuff like that. I still hate them to this day. Who the f--- thought while eating chocolate "hmm id like some tooth paste with this."

turkeypr0

This is Truckin' Awesome

Mum had sworn a bit around the house.

When 4, while out at the supermarket, I said F word really loudly.

Very quickly and intently, she asked if I had just said "Truck" and said that was a bad word and not to ever say Truck like that again.

I thought that was the bad word so used that when being naughty.

GodOfTheThunder

The "Silly Mom" Routine

The "Silly Mom" routine.

My kid, and a few other kids I've known, would balk at getting ready to go. I'd grab their clothes and say, "Well, if you won't put on your clothes, I guess I'll put on your clothes. Cute shirt, by the way! Does it go on my foot?"

NO!

"Does it go on my head?"

NO! IT GOES ON ME!

"Oh, that's right, thanks! So, it must go on your legs, right?"

NO!

"I just can't figure this out! Where does this adorable shirt go?"

[kid grabs shirt and puts it on] ON MY TUMMY! SILLY MOM!

"Oh, thank you so much! Now what about these pants? Shirts go on tummies, so...the pants go on the tummy, too, right?"

NO!

[continue until kids have dressed themselves]

I would also do things like hand the kid my keys and say, "Alright, you're driving, I'll sit in the booster seat in back," attempt to feed the kid by putting a spoon up to his ear or his belly button, and attempt to put away his toys in the refrigerator.

insertcaffeine

Some Foot For Thought.

Giphy

My mum would always yell at us "if you don't do X, you have to go to bed without socks!"

I never wore socks anyway, and I'm ashamed to admit that this worked.

Splittsky

That would work really well on my son, or make him cry for a really long time... He's 3 and over the last few weeks has decided that he is fully unable to sleep without socks on.

PJQueen

Toddlers man. Completely unpredictable.

SheaRVA

I'm Greens With Envy

My mum had a friend that would put vegetables on her own plate and not the kids.

When the kids asked she would be reluctant to share, "that's grown up food. But I suppose I can let you have a little."

Her kids grew up loving vegetables.

I sat at the dinner table for 3 hours staring at the yucky cauliflower I refused to eat.

laik72

This reminds me of an instance when my child convinced my wife and myself to change our plans for dinner. We were in a grocery store to pick up something quick and easy to eat that we wouldn't have to prepare. Our daughter, wanted none of that, she demanded that she wanted a salad from the salad bar. We started to argue back, but then realized: "Our child demands that we feed her vegetables for dinner instead of a microwaved meal, why are we saying 'No?'"

We had salad for dinner that night.

Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

The Power Of Choice

I don't so much know if you would call it reverse psychology, but I didn't realize it until my dad told me this.

When there were chores that needed doing, he noticed if he asked me to mow the lawn, I would complain and procrastinate. But if he asked would I rather mow the lawn or wash the windows, I'd pick one and just get it done.

Shattered my brain when he told me when I was in my twenties. I use it when I'm coaching or baby sitting all the time and it almost never fails.

AppealToReason16

The Boy Who Cried 'Ouch'

Giphy

I've done this one with tens of kids. Any time a kid gets "hurt" (falls down on grass, gets gently hit in the face with a ball, etc.) instead of stopping the activity to pick the kid up and see if they're ok you just scoot them off to the side and resume. Within 10 seconds of not getting all the attention and seeing the fun is resuming they pop right back up and are magically healed.

This of course is only for the "injuries" that aren't actually injuries.

pedanticProgramer

Kelly Sullivan/Getty Images

The internet has been dominated this week with talk of Sony and Disney splitting over their agreement to have Spider-man in Marvel's Cinematic Universe.

After Deadline reported that negotiations had broken down in the contract renewal, everyone has had hot takes on the situation.

Keep reading... Show less

Reddit user cuddlethrowawayy found himself in an awkward situation recently when his in-laws and wife chastised him for cuddling with his 15-year-old daughter while the family watched a movie.

On the famous subreddit "Am I The A**hole?" he told the entire story in a viral post entitled "AITA for telling my wife and in-laws to f*** off after they told me to stop cuddling my daughter?

Keep reading... Show less