an Oh Myyy Property

Being a parent is a beautiful, rewarding, messy, complicated, magical thing. It's also absolutely not for everyone. We understand not everyone gets a choice in the matter, but quite a few people do - and the ones who do oftentimes just say no.

One Reddit user asked: People that decided on NEVER having children - What was the moment you knew it's just not for you?

Some of the responses were things we expected, but others really caught us off guard and made us think. Some seemed almost sad, while others seem like they'd throw themselves a No Kids parade daily if they could... which they can, because they don't have kids who would have a problem with that sort of thing!



They're Boring

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I knew since I was very young that I never wanted kids. I didn't want to play with baby dolls as toys, I never played with my younger cousins either, I just never liked babies or kids. When I see animals, I have the ability to genuinely say "awwwww" and feel a desire to love them. With children, it's the opposite because I make a conscious effort not to acknowledge them either by eye contact or smiling. I don't want to be bothered with them.

It's not that I hate them, I just don't find them very interesting at all.

Unless I'm A Millionaire

I'm in my mid 20's and I'm just wrapping up on my student loans this year. Then I'm determined to move to a new city and get established with a lucrative job while having a small business. I'm hoping to start traveling a lot. Can't travel when I have kids, and I'm really focused on my career. I don't even know if I would want to buy a house.

**Unless I'm a millionaire, kids would definitely impede on my goals. **

There are a lot of things I want to do that would leave me with no time to raise them. There might be a time when I'm at the stage where I'm more than financially stable and I'm emotionally ready enough to have children and take care of them. However, in the foreseeable future, my emotional/financial state, I'm definitely NOT up for the responsibility.

Thanks, Teach!

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When I was in high school we had a teacher that encouraged us to do an exercise of mapping out expected milestones in our lives based on how we saw it. Eg, in 4 years we graduate from high school, 4 years after that we graduate from college, what age we expect to be married, what age we expect to have kids etc. When we got to the part about kids "leaving the nest" I was excited that that was when I would have my life back while the rest of the class was like "omg empty nest so sad".

The teacher looked at me and said:

"You know, if you're already excited about your kids leaving and you haven't even had them yet you might not want to have any."

It was like a switch just went off in my mind and I realized I had never wanted any in the first place and I could actually choose not to have them.

Traveling And Being Selfish Is Awesome

I've always said I never wanted kids, since middle school. People would always tell me:

**"Oh, you'll change your mind some day. You're going to find a nice man, get married and have kids." **

I also said I'd never get married. Never liked anyone enough. Until now (that beautiful bastard). He also doesn't want kids. So we're going to travel and be selfish and save our money and it's going to be awesome

They're Not A Retirement Plan

In my country, people don't move out when they become adults. Instead, they stay home to take care of their parents, who took care of them when they were young. I've seen some unsuccessful people decide to have kids as a retirement plan. They raise children while hoping that one day their sons or daughters will become something like a professor or politician. That way they have the money to improve their parents and sibling's lives.

It's like some babies are only born to be the one who will fulfill their parents dream. There's no attempt to hide it. These kids know from childhood that they must make money and that taking care of the family falls on them.

That huge responsibility messes with them. It causes low morale and often times neglecting themselves physically so focus solely on work and study for the sake of money. That makes me and my partner never want to have children. We do not like what is expected of them by our culture and in our country.

"I Don't Understand Them, And I Dislike Them."

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I used to dance around how much I dislike kids, because it gets people defensive, but now I just say it.

I don't understand them, and I dislike them. Now, that isn't to say I'm going to be rude or anything. I try to be nice, and polite, because as a society teaching kids to be nice is part of everybody's responsibility (IMO).

But like... I just don't like them. And apparently that makes me bad?

I once said that kids confuse and frustrate me, and that I didn't want any, and somebody said, "Oh thank God, I was just going to tell you you'd make a horrible mother. You always talk about being worried you'll hurt them. But you're too angry to be a mom."

Yeah! The f*ckers run around at foot- to knee-height! I sometimes accidentally nudge my cat if she darts in front of me when I'm walking. Like hell I'm not going to be safe around zooming tiny humans who'll cry at a slight provocation (like I used to)!

I don't want kids because one, I don't want them.

Two, they're loud and they cry and I don't know how to calm them down.

Three, I don't want them.

Four, I do get angry quickly. I don't handle stress well.

I refuse to put I child I'm "supposed" to have at risk of being emotionally damaged because of my faults.

Love Cats, Not Kids

My mom has made pregnancy absolutely revolting for me. Chafing and stretching, tearing and nonconsensual sewing and tucking... a doctor gave her a tummy tuck while sewing up the C-section to keep her "pretty for hubby," because general consent was considered implied during surgery in the Air Force in the 80's and this happened on a USAF base in Korea.

The plan me and the man have is to start investing in units to rent out and using the income there to work on fostering kittens and cats for homes so they don't get killed.

We love cats. We don't love kids.

When Parents Are Strangers

It just slowly happened. However I can pinpoint the final nail in the coffin.

My brother is a sociopath. When he finally went to prison, my parents suddenly went from thinking they had 6 more years of a kid in their house to being empty-nesters. After around 30 years of marriage, they realized they were complete strangers. They didn't know if they had anything in common anymore.

I didn't want kids at that point, but the idea of being with the person I want to spend my life with and someday realizing the only thing we have in common is our kids was a terrifying idea.

I'm in my 30's now. I got sterilized a few years ago and have never had any regrets!

(For anyone interested, they're celebrating their 40th anniversary this year and are still deliriously in love!)

Barely Talked About Anything But The Kid

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My now-wife and I had discussed kids and were strongly leaning towards no for a variety of reasons, but weren't 100% on board with the idea yet.

We then visited my brother as part of a vacation, spending a weekend with my brother, his wife, and their 3 year old son. I had been looking forward to this as they live several states away and I hadn't been able to spend time with my brother for ages. I was hoping to hang out with him, have conversations, crack jokes, maybe even try some local beers. Instead the entire weekend was spent with my nephew. I barely got to talk to my brother about anything that wasn't nephew-related, the kid needed constant care and attention from everyone (myself and my fiancee included), etc,. As young children do.

So we went home having not gotten to spend any of the time I wanted with my brother. It was a stark lesson in just how much children change your life. We both were completely convinced that we did not want kids at all after that trip.

Wrong To Me

I have a genetic disorder that is a dominant gene, so any child I would have has a 50/50 chance to also have the disorder. There is also no genetic test for my sub-type of syndrome. So super not into the idea of risking it. And yes, I do judge people who have children with my syndrome because we know these odds and we know there is no test.

We all know how painful this is and to subject another life to this just because you want a mini-me is just plain wrong to me.

Useless Leeches

Half of my friends are just useless people that leech off their parents hard earned money. I realized the chances of me ending up with a kid like that is just too high, and its not worth the time/effort/money to feel obligated to love someone because they are related to you.

It's Forever

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Just the realization that it isn't something you can just let go of. It's not a job you can quit, a relationship you can end, etc. It's forever. That's something I never lose sight of. Especially when it does seem like a cool idea during that cute phase where the kids are between ages 2 and 10. But after that, you're just dealing with and responsible for this random person who never had to exist in the first place.

Mommy Monster

I was 12 or 13, riding in the car with my siblings and parents. My mom was being a horrible, as per usual, and she turned around and snapped:

**"I can't WAIT until YOU have kids, so you can see how awful it is!" **

I realized that if I had kids, there was the potential to also be a terrible mother, given that I bore certain unfortunate behavioral similarities to her. Like, that could be me one day sitting in the front seat yelling that to my own kids. And that was when I noped out - I didn't want to be her.

Thanks to that awareness, I've spent most of my life in therapy and counselling fighting the personality disorders I've inherited. I've come a long way and burned a lot of bridges, and it will definitely be a life-long process for me, but it's been worth it to get a semblance of control over the issues.

The Breakup

I'm planning on breaking up with my boyfriend tonight for this very reason. There's a fairly significant age difference between us and he wants kids. I realized I can't think of a single beneficial thing a child will do for me, he says he can wait till I'm older and ready but then I just feel like it's an inevitability and he's still not listening. I do not want them. Not I want them later. I. Do. Not. Want. Them.

I don't want to ruin my body. I don't want to ruin my bank account, I live in one of the most expensive cities in the world, how on earth would we pay for a kid? I want to focus on my career. I want to earn money and travel the world one day. Not spend the rest of my life raising a parasite.

Tone Change

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There was no one moment, we just never wanted any. I'm almost 40 now, and have noticed that the tone has shifted from smug people thinking that I'll change my mind, to pity from people who didn't realize that it was intentional.

Now, I just get a kick out of making people uncomfortable when I say that my husband and I "were never blessed with children."

People get squirmy, some tell me about their cousin's neighbor's sister that had a 'miracle baby' at age 42, and a slew of other fun ways to play with the social lines of acceptable discussion points.

Early Retirement

It's awesome. Childless by choice, we retired really early (40ish) and have been to all 50 states, all 7 continents, 70+ countries and 282 of 417 National Parks. On our own time whenever we want to go.

Medical Exclusion

I'm hypersensitive to sound. Loud and high pitched sounds hurt me. The sound of children crying is physically painful to me, to the point that if I don't have earplugs on me and a kid starts crying, I need to leave the room immediately.

You can't be a parent if you can't handle crying kids.

Bad Investment

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The Return On Investment just doesn't seem to be there. We prefer a bank account balance that doesn't give us anxiety. Children are expensive and would prohibit me from doing a lot of things. Visiting long time friends and family who now have kids is a total crap-shoot. You go over there to talk and spend a little time with these people you never get to see, and they spend the entire time wrangling their offspring.

Shit, I went over my brothers house one day to help him fix some electrical and got yelled at by his wife to be more quiet because the kid was napping. I mean, howdahf*ck am I supposed to work on your house and not make noise?!

But I digress, I love the kids themselves, especially my Niece and God Daughter. I like to spoil them, spend time with them, and then send them home with their parents. When I explain to people that I don't want kids I typically get asked:

_"Aren't you worried what you'll do when you're older and need someone to take care of you?" _

If the only reason you had kids is to secure your twilight years, that's some selfish bull. What if your kid decides that looking after the old man when he's shitting himself doesn't sound like such a great idea...or what if they are physically or financially unable to do so? We just think that you should have kids because it's something you really want to dedicate your life to and something that your financial situation allows you to do properly. That's not us.

Sleep, Privacy, Alone Time

I don't mind kids, I like to give them back.

They are so time consuming and I'm too selfish to have kids. I like sleep, privacy, alone time. I used to baby sit my friends kid overnight and during the day until the dad came home and then I'd have to stay to put the kid to bed. Doing that for a couple weeks just solidified to me that I'm not cut out for it. My partner understands but as it stands I'm not having kids and I feel like that won't change.

We're all self-conscious about something, and it doesn't help when our faults get thrown in our faces. You don't want doctors hinting that something is "weird down there," nor do you want someone to tell you you're balding. WE KNOW.

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When you know your kids backwards and forwards, this is the best tool in your arsenal.

Getting our kids to listen to us is not always the easiest of tasks. They're willful and stubborn, but we've got a mighty weapon they are rarely prepared for: reverse psychology. Getting them to convince themselves to want to do something against their own initial intentions takes some work and a whole lot of creativity, but a little sneaky manipulation goes a long way. Here are some clever parents' tricks that are definitely worth taking notes on.

Redditor u/LeanderD Asks:

Parents of reddit, what's your best example of reversed psychology on your kids that actually worked?

He Floated His Idea Through A Back Channel

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Wanted to name my boat. Anything I would think of was dismissed as stupid by my 13 year old son. After deciding on a name, I confided to a male friend my son liked. Made my friend suggest the name as though it was his idea. My son thought the name was perfect. Done.

calypsodweller

We Always Want What We Can't Have

One of my best friends through childhood used to be punished with no salad if she misbehaved. She cherishes salad now and would always try to eat as much as possible during school lunch. Coincidentally, her now husband used to be punished with no books, it had the same effect. I think it's hilarious that they'd be hitting the salad bar and library like some black market their narc parents couldn't reach hahaha.

cookiearthquake

A Deceit That's A Cut Above The Rest

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Don't know if this counts, but, at my high school (private, boys only) in the 1960's, they made a big deal about how long your hair was, and would occasionally order a boy to go home and "get a haircut".

I thought it was stupid, until years later, a master confided to me at a reunion that the policy was deliberate. The school figured we'd spend so much energy rebelling about hair length, that we would ignore other aspects of teenage rebellion. (Not?) Surprisingly, they were mostly right.

FrankDrakman

Damn! That's smart. Wow.

fangxx456

Oh they don't like long hair?

I'll show them. I'll grow my hair out as lon- what?! No I don't want to go "party"? I gotta try out this horse shampoo.

DankeyKang11

The Forbidden Book

Hi I was a victim,

There was a forbidden book that I was not allow to read on the shelf. My parents said I could only read it if I behave myself.

It was summer holidays and I was playing games all day (after 6 hrs of summer homework). One day I was home alone and had the opportunity to grabbed it. I read like half of it in one go. It was 5000 years of Chinese history.

Safe to say I was bamboozled.

oddstodd

Flowers Of The Queen

My parents always told me my broccoli were the flowers of the queen and that I really shouldn't eat them, or else the queen would get very upset! I, of course, ate the whole broccoli in a few seconds.

Subwoofy

I'm telling the queen and she's gonna be pissed

draculacletus

Sleeping Beauty

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I taught my kids when they were toddlers that no amount of yelling, shaking or hitting can wake a sleeping adult. The only thing that works is a gentle hug and/or a nice kiss on the cheek.

Edit: Probably needed some more details for the reverse psychology aspect to be clear. It went something like this - Step one, tell the kids I'm going to sleep and nothing they do will wake me (head buried face down is the safest position). Step two, after the initial onslaught dies down pretend to awaken on your own. Tell them you got a bit of nap left in you and nothing can wake you, especially not hugs and kisses.

DrMethusael

Holy sh*t...if my daughter woke me up like this I would buy her a pony.

All-Seeing_Elon

I am saving this comment because this will save lives if I ever have kids, stg.

smerter

A Walk In Someone Else's Shoes.

Split custody with my ex. When my son was around 10, he visited two weekends a month. I was waiting tables and didn't have a huge amount to spend, but he was so needy from divorce (and I'm not blaming him, it was ugly), he begged constantly for MORE when he was with me. Whatever more was, it didn't matter... he'd be eating ice cream cone and begging for teriyaki.

I finally realized that he just felt empty, and getting MORE whatever from me wasn't filling him up. His next visit I handed him $100 in cash and told him it was our food/fun budget for 3 days and two nights, and he was in charge of it. I bought him his own wallet to carry. We figured out how many times we were going to eat and what we were going to do, and he paid. He got to keep whatever money he had left...thought he was rich...then realized just how much everything cost. Well. Shoe on other foot then. If we had no money for food, we ate leftovers - and I didn't contribute more to pot. After a few weekends of running short or not getting something he actually wanted because he was foolish with funds, he started to really think about how to spend that money. He budgeted and kept to his budget. And a few times he actually went home with a little cash for his private stash.

Many years later, he thanked me for this. It really changed the way he thought about money and love.

Augumenti

This Is Worth Giving A Shot

Took my 3 year old son to one of those doctor's visits where he was going to get a shot. He was worried about the shot on the whole drive over, almost to the point of tears. We get to the doctor's office and a nurse subtly lets me know that my son is not just scheduled for 1 shot, but 5 of them in the same visit.

I turn to my son with an exaggerated smile and tell him, "Good news! They figured out how to take that one big shot you were going to get and instead break it up into these 5 little tiny shots so it won't hurt nearly as much!"

You could see the relief wash over his face. He stopped squirming and relaxed completely. He took the first shot and even smiled and said "It's true! The small ones don't hurt!"

We actually made it through the third shot before the effect wore off and reality kicked in. Still... I counted it as a victory.

blackbird77

Put This To The Taste

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My mom would tell me she only lets me eat soup after candy and she'd only buy me candy that i didn't like. After a few times, i stopped trying and begged her to let me eat soup first. She gave me a smirk and told me go ahead. This doesn't sound as evil as it was. But trust me i suffered.

turkeypr0

So what was the candy?

Poster_Main

Mint chocolate, raisins, stuff like that. I still hate them to this day. Who the f--- thought while eating chocolate "hmm id like some tooth paste with this."

turkeypr0

This is Truckin' Awesome

Mum had sworn a bit around the house.

When 4, while out at the supermarket, I said F word really loudly.

Very quickly and intently, she asked if I had just said "Truck" and said that was a bad word and not to ever say Truck like that again.

I thought that was the bad word so used that when being naughty.

GodOfTheThunder

The "Silly Mom" Routine

The "Silly Mom" routine.

My kid, and a few other kids I've known, would balk at getting ready to go. I'd grab their clothes and say, "Well, if you won't put on your clothes, I guess I'll put on your clothes. Cute shirt, by the way! Does it go on my foot?"

NO!

"Does it go on my head?"

NO! IT GOES ON ME!

"Oh, that's right, thanks! So, it must go on your legs, right?"

NO!

"I just can't figure this out! Where does this adorable shirt go?"

[kid grabs shirt and puts it on] ON MY TUMMY! SILLY MOM!

"Oh, thank you so much! Now what about these pants? Shirts go on tummies, so...the pants go on the tummy, too, right?"

NO!

[continue until kids have dressed themselves]

I would also do things like hand the kid my keys and say, "Alright, you're driving, I'll sit in the booster seat in back," attempt to feed the kid by putting a spoon up to his ear or his belly button, and attempt to put away his toys in the refrigerator.

insertcaffeine

Some Foot For Thought.

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My mum would always yell at us "if you don't do X, you have to go to bed without socks!"

I never wore socks anyway, and I'm ashamed to admit that this worked.

Splittsky

That would work really well on my son, or make him cry for a really long time... He's 3 and over the last few weeks has decided that he is fully unable to sleep without socks on.

PJQueen

Toddlers man. Completely unpredictable.

SheaRVA

I'm Greens With Envy

My mum had a friend that would put vegetables on her own plate and not the kids.

When the kids asked she would be reluctant to share, "that's grown up food. But I suppose I can let you have a little."

Her kids grew up loving vegetables.

I sat at the dinner table for 3 hours staring at the yucky cauliflower I refused to eat.

laik72

This reminds me of an instance when my child convinced my wife and myself to change our plans for dinner. We were in a grocery store to pick up something quick and easy to eat that we wouldn't have to prepare. Our daughter, wanted none of that, she demanded that she wanted a salad from the salad bar. We started to argue back, but then realized: "Our child demands that we feed her vegetables for dinner instead of a microwaved meal, why are we saying 'No?'"

We had salad for dinner that night.

Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

The Power Of Choice

I don't so much know if you would call it reverse psychology, but I didn't realize it until my dad told me this.

When there were chores that needed doing, he noticed if he asked me to mow the lawn, I would complain and procrastinate. But if he asked would I rather mow the lawn or wash the windows, I'd pick one and just get it done.

Shattered my brain when he told me when I was in my twenties. I use it when I'm coaching or baby sitting all the time and it almost never fails.

AppealToReason16

The Boy Who Cried 'Ouch'

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I've done this one with tens of kids. Any time a kid gets "hurt" (falls down on grass, gets gently hit in the face with a ball, etc.) instead of stopping the activity to pick the kid up and see if they're ok you just scoot them off to the side and resume. Within 10 seconds of not getting all the attention and seeing the fun is resuming they pop right back up and are magically healed.

This of course is only for the "injuries" that aren't actually injuries.

pedanticProgramer

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