oh-myyy-ribbon

Working as a cashier is simultaneously one of the most boring and most interesting jobs there is. Long periods of monotonous ringing up items interspersed with interesting/frustrating/entertaining customers.


After working the job for a while, most folks stop noticing the actual items they are ringing up. Sometimes the combo of items, or the behavior of the customer, is just so bizarre that you can't help but notice.

Reddit user u/LordZozzy asked:

"Cashiers of Reddit, do you judge the customers based on the items they're buying, and if so, how? What's your weirdest story?"

That black bag

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When I was 15 I worked at a DVD store. I wasn't allowed to dust and stock in the adults only section, but only one customer borrowed out from that section anyway.

Small, middle aged man with severe eczema or psoriasis, always wore a blue plastic jacket that made swishing noises when he walked. Quietly came in at 8 AM when nobody else was around, would borrow out whatever the titles were, and quickly depart. Carried a black bag and declined our transparent plastic ones. Back in my day, you had to leave your home for porn.

Even as a 15 year old girl I appreciated he seemed embarrassed and made the transaction as fast as possible. After a year of this, he came in one morning and borrowed out a single DVD.

Finding Nemo.

I guess I couldn't hide my surprise, so he said the only thing he's ever said to me. "I have clown fish, and everybody keeps telling me to watch it."

And that's it, he eventually ran out of titles I guess and stopped coming in. Over a decade later and I still remember the customer who liked MILFs and clownfish.

-manlikerealities

17 years?

Dude comes in for a frozen pizza, 6 pack of BL, pint of ben and jerry's and a pack of smokes.

"You getting the wife out of town special tonight?"

"My wife's been out of town for 17 years now"

And that's the last time i used that line.

-lennyp4

I don't care

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Worked cashier for many years when I was younger. The answer is...

No. I don't even notice. I don't notice anything. I don't want to be here. You could be buying gasoline and a lighter and tell me you're lighting someone on fire and I'd be like "Would you like a gift receipt sir"

-ifockpotatoes

Too many cherries

Worked at a supermarket, dude buys $300 worth of cherries. Cleared out the whole area where we had them. We weren't even having a sale. To this day I still wonder what the hell he needed that many cherries for.

-Herogamer555

Might have been a DIY liqueur person. You take cherries (or any fruit really), soak them in brandy/whiskey/etc and sugar, leave for a while and have a nice drink for sipping or gifting. All those cherries would make a lot of liqueur, making the per bottle cost reasonable.

-gnat_out_of_hell

Just be nice

For the most part I don't really care as long as they're polite.

There is this one regular who likes to bring a lot of stuff to the registers but only buys 1/3 of it (still spends heaps). She's also pretty rude. I judge the crap out of her.

-tooshytooshy

Wawa

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When I worked at Wawa I'd get the same people buying the same coffee, breakfast and pack of cigarettes everyday. But there was this old mailman that bought a bundle of tootsie pops instead of the cigarettes everyday. I'm not sure if he ate them all day or gave them out to kids but he always made me smile. I quit that job and went on to become a mailman myself.

-TodayWeMake

Seriously?!

Alright so I'm working at dollar General, a normal night, but this guy comes in striding with confidence. Greet him with a hello, as I do with customers, but he's in the zone and forgoes the formalities. He walks straight to the movie rack and grabs a cheesy Kung Fu movie, and walks to the counter, I ring it up and it Costs $5.46. He reach in to his coat pocket and pulled out a bag of nickels and a single penny. A 109 nickels and a single penny for a Kung fu movie called, "Kung Fu masters" or something that looked like it had a 100 dollar budget. I've never had more respect for some one in my entire life. He knew what he wanted and he got it.

-BobtheTim

Cake

Not really, only customer that ever really got my attention was a lady who bought a cake that said something along the lines of "We never want to see you again". Previously when I've told this story people have said it couldve been a gag gift but going off of this ladies expression I don't think it was, she showed some real pride when she saw I noticed what was on it

-AVeryHappyTeddy

More cake

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We had a guy come in every week to buy a generic birthday cake. No big, except he was insistent that the cake have a seven day expiration window-essentially meaning it had to be a cake baked fresh that day, which they didn't always have. The bakery people would grumble but whatever. He wouldn't tell anyone why, usually just shrugged but one time he came in upset and didn't buy his usual cake.

He finally spilled his guts to the cashier-his wife had some pretty crippling health issues (Alzheimer's or cancer, I can't remember now) and they would celebrate every day with a piece of cake, like celebrating they were still alive and together. She had gotten sent to the hospital and they wouldn't let him bring her cake. Broke all of our hearts, and the bakery kept fresh cakes for him after that without complaint.

-kimba65

That's confusing

I work in online grocery fulfilment. In short, I shop for people, bag it up and place the items in rolling totes, fridge and freezers. I've seen some weird orders. One of my favorite types to speculate on is when they are 50% organic vegan items and the other half is absolute junk food and meat products.

I always visualize a couple who's polar opposites or a vegan poser who hides their guilty pleasures from their religiously vegan room mates under their bed or in a locked fridge somewhere in the house. These thoughts are all in a funny 90's sitcom style.

-IDontDeserveMyCat


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If you've ever worked with kids you know that their honesty and lack of filter can sometimes make them cringeworthy - and pretty hilarious.

If you haven't (or you don't have a thick skin) then you might not be able to appreciate just how funny kids can actually be. For those who can, this article should be a blast.

Reddit user moosepajamas asked:

Teachers of Reddit, what is the funniest thing you've ever heard a student say?

The answers could sometimes be insulting, sometimes silly, and sometimes downright baffling - just like kids themselves!


September 31

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One time I was asking students their birthdays. One boy told me that his birthday was September 31st. I tried to explain that this was not possible, but he insisted. Later, I looked it up. I then informed him that his birthday was November 17th.

He looked at me kind of confused and said "ohhhh." Then his face brightened and he said, "Well, last year I KNOW it was September 31st!"

- RedditStateOfMind

Jesus

I teach elementary band. One time we were preparing for a challenging playing test and a student said: "Man, I need to practice."

Without missing a beat the kid next to him says "My mom says I need Jesus."

- moosepajamas

Shown Up By A 5th Grader

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Was tutoring after-school a couple years ago. A kid asked "What time is it?"

I joked "Time for you to get a watch."

He responded "Time for you to get a new joke" without a moment's hesitation.

I had to laugh at getting shown up by a 5th grader. Two reading levels behind but witty as hell.

- Garlic_And_Sapphires

Jogathon

I had a student who was a newcomer (just moved to the US, almost no English) from Latvia. This kid is very bright and was one of my favorite 6th graders ever. We were having our annual jogathon, which is linguistically and culturally not translatable from Latvian.

Student: "So I pay you and you make me run?"

Me: "Yeah, that's actually how it goes."

Student: "This is simple. I don't pay you, you don't make me run."

Me: "uhhhh...."

- estrogyn

Rosa

Middle school field trip to a different state. One of the chaperones (a large black woman) wanted to get in a little nap in the back seat of the bus, so she made one of the students move to a seat in the front that was far from his friends. He got in the seat and started sulking. He was normally a pretty lively kid, so I leaned forward and asked what happened.

To which he replied: "I think I just got reverse Rosa Parks-ed!"

- almost_queen

The Moon

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I teach sophomores. One day, this girl was sitting at her desk, looking very concerned, and obviously wanted to ask me something. Finally, she blurted out, "Did anybody else see the moon in the sky during lunch? It's supposed to be out at night, something is wrong!"

- cubfanbybirth

Physically

Teacher to student: "Were you in class yesterday?"

Student, sounding more lost than anything and probably answering too honestly: "Physically... ?"

It wasn't so much an attempt at humor as just the summation of how we all felt in that class, one of those "it's funny because it's too true" things... we all were showing up, we were all sitting in the class physically... but being there? That was another question...

- Allisade

The Ladies

First grade. 6 yr. old lil dude about 3 ft. tall and 80 lbs. walks in late from recess.

Me - "Why are you late?"

Kid - grabs his hunk of belly with both hands like a ball of cream cheese and says "The ladies love this!"

Sits down like nothing happen with no smile.

- BoBoShaws

Synchronized

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He asked me "If a synchronized swimmer starts drowning, do they all start drowning?"

I lost it in class.

- bunsenbernerr

It's A Miracle

I teach high school, and one of my sophomores referred to merry-go-rounds as "miracle rounds". He legit thought that's what they were called 😂😂 I corrected him and he refused to believe me lol.

- royalredhead

The Pizza Guy

I was sharing information about math in art to my students (they're about 13 years old) and mentioned Leonardo da Vinci. A student said: "The pizza guy?"

I was confused, but later she said, "See! The pizza party!"

We were looking at The Last Supper.

- catpflug

Astronomy

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"I thought Astronomy would be easy because I know all about it but he hasn't even brought up horoscopes yet and we're 6 weeks in."

- chrisrayn

Budget Cuts

I teach band. One day I'm working with the high school jazz band and we're going to start mapping out some basic compositions. I pass out blank sheet music for them to use, which is simply blank 5-line staves with no notes, no symbols, etc.

One kid gets his sheet music expecting it to be a new song we're going to work on, sees that it's blank, looks up and says "Wow, budget cuts must've hit us hard, huh?"

- SquirrelSanctuary

Life Choices

Math prof. I finished a proof and to check understanding, I asked "does everyone understand my choices?" One of my favorite students ever piped up and said "Are we talking about your proof or how you've chosen to live your life?"

- coldstainlessnail

Before

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Wore a Captain America shirt to school since the student council had a super hero day. A student said I looked like Captain America - before the super soldier injections.

- numero1uno

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