Do you know what I find hilarious? People who say things like, "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best." Ever notice that these people are... never actually at their best? They tend to be at their worst––all the time. That phrase triggers me, I admit (and I warn you, my side-eye can be seen from space).
People shared their experiences with bad advice and toxic self-care practices after Redditor redbeard-in-read asked the online community,
"What's some popular self-care/life advice that's actually really toxic?"
"Ths advice..."
"Always trust your feelings."
This advice is everywhere. No, oftentimes our feelings require introspection to work through them and make positive change."
"Th
"That you should expect unconditional support love and acceptance from friends or romantic partners. Popular idea, but if people really care they will tell you when you are harming yourself or others rather than just keep the vibe chill."
We all deserve love by default. That's where "unconditional" comes from. But if you're an @ss, don't expect people to put up with you without standing up for themselves.
"There is a fine line..."
""Live your truth." There is a fine line between authenticity and being an a-hole."
I'll drink to that.
How many people have you met who say things like this unironically?
Probably quite a few.
"Self-care..."
"I have a friend who is very sucked into the "girl boss" subculture that has her working all hours on a business that makes no money, then doing "self-care" in the form of spending the little money she makes on manicures or expensive beauty products that other people have told her are self-care. Self-care and self-love is sometimes admitting that you need to stop perusing something that isn't working and is making you miserable, even if it's what you thought you wanted and even if everyone is telling you to keep going and not to give up."
"It doesn't solve..."
"The sort of "positivity" that relies on dragging other people down.
I see it the most around body image issues in particular (but can apply to other things too), and I just think it's really sad.
It doesn't solve any of the underlying issues, just makes more people feel rubbish about themselves!"
That's just rude––and it's not worth keeping someone like that around.
"Obviously..."
"Cut off anyone that doesn't bring you peace."
Obviously, this applies to people who are constantly, deliberately making you miserable. But a stressful situation or argument with a friend that you care about doesn't count if you haven't attempted to work it out with them."
That's exactly right. Take note, people. You do have to work on your relationships!
"Honesty is good..."
"It's not really advice, but its popular for people to label themselves as "brutally honest".
Honesty is good but beware of people who are more interested in brutality than honesty."
Reddit Users Share Their Best 'It's A Small World After All' Experience
"That once..."
"That once you fall out of love with someone, you cannot fall back in love with them. The worst advice I ever got. I'm so glad I gave it a second try."
We're glad to hear it worked out for you! Life is not so black-and-white, certainly not in the way so many people seem so apt to believe.
"I hear people say this a lot..."
"Don't let yourself act like the victim.
Had someone tell me, not to let my wife feel like a victim after being assaulted.
I hear people say this a lot because they think it helps real victims feel less like one, but people need to process things. They can't just run through the healing process by pretending it didn't happen."
"As a child of abuse..."
"There's no wrong way to parent.
As a child of abuse, there are absolutely wrong ways to parent. Frankly, I'm of the opinion that the majority of chronic mental illnesses are the result of bad parenting practices because crappy parenting can mess up every bodily system.
Every parent should consult a child psych professional just like they consult a pediatrician about their child's wellbeing. They're professionals who have the education to read research studies regarding child development and can direct a parent on how to raise a healthy child."
We have no doubt that many of you have been offered quite a bit of this advice before. Toss it aside; it won't suit you. And for those of you who didn't know––you know now, and that makes all the difference.
Have some more to add? Feel free to tell us in the comments below!
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Jane Rosenberg
Jane Rosenberg
@arianagrande/Instagram
@arianagrande/Instagram