The basis of love always leads back to trust. That is the foundation of any relationship. But trust is most essential to the core of a romantic relationship. You believe the person you are seeing and falling for is exactly who they say they are. However on many occasions people have discovered a little too late that the person they were head over heels for has been keeping a secret or two or ten. And not merely inconsequential things, sometimes life altering facts.
Redditor u/keejus wanted to see what are some details that can change the course of love after they are discovered by asking... What's something you found out about your S.O years into the relationship that made you reevaluate the whole relationship?
Rush to delivery!
One weekend we were supposed to go out on a date and he stood me up. I couldn't get ahold of him at all. I was freaking out thinking he was dying in a ditch somewhere!
Turns out he had gotten married over the weekend to the girl who had given birth to his child. I never knew about them.
Max isn't the dog?
About 1 year in he told me he was about to get full custody of his son. I didn't know he had a son.
How do you not mention that to someone in a year?! I get that you're afraid it might scare some people off, but that's important info.
Oh hell no!
A year in I found out she lied to be about getting an STD test. Turned out she had more than one STD, which somehow I tested clean for.
A woman with Chlamydia has a 32% chance of infecting her male partner with ever sexual encounter.
A man with Chlamydia has a 40% chance of infecting his female partner with every sexual encounter.
Some people shouldn't be allowed amongst society!
When I had my first child. The pregnancy wasn't a surprise or an accident. We talked and planned. He got a little overbearing during the pregnancy, like insisting on breastfeeding without even discussing it with me. I put it down to new dad nerves, and not knowing any better.
Turns out that was only the tip of the iceberg. He believed that children were completely and totally a wife's responsibility. He wouldn't change a diaper. He wouldn't pick up the baby when it cried. No way would he get up in the middle of the night. He expected me to work a full-time job, plus do all the childcare.
At that point, I was confused and appalled but I told myself he just needed time to adjust.
I realized how delusional I was when the baby got sick while he was on a fishing trip. The doctors thought baby had meningitis. So not just sick, but life-threatening sick. I called and asked him to come home. He refused. He'd paid for two more days of fishing. He didn't want to lose the money.
Am I crazy?
She would lie about tiny, inconsequential things. Made me question my own perception of truth and self-instinct. Eventually caught her in a lie, and she denied even when presented with full proof. It wasn't something huge, but it was something that opened my eyes a little. My friend swears I was being gaslighted. Gaslit?
Never a good deal...
That he was doing meth up until after our first son was born. Found this out after we were divorced though.
Send my to you new lover...
Out of nowhere, a year into being married, he said he wants to join the Marine Corp. He also wanted me to drop out of law school, birth babies, take care of his mother, and a run a household all while he's deployed. Hard pass.
It's all about them!
I realized he would always blame me for his angry outbursts and mistakes- he punched a wall and screamed about a homework assignment he didn't understand because I was sitting on the couch quietly. Then after he was finished blaming me and realized I was upset, he became all sad and wanted me to comfort him.
What a pathetic human being. I'm glad I've grown past accepting that sort of behavior.
Didn't I see you on a Dateline episode?
That my husband wanted to start fires and kill police officers, and was planning on framing me for it so his girlfriend could move in while I did his time in prison for him.
Daaamn, that is cold. Sorry to hear.
The ride leaving can't go fast enough.
Mine crashed and totaled MY car and blamed ME. He is incredibly reckless on the road and rear ended a guy at a RED LIGHT when we were going to TURN SO EVEN IF IT WAS GREEN HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN SLOWING DOWN. But fifty feet from the intersection, where another car was stopped, I realized he wasn't hitting the breaks. He hates it when I say anything while he's driving so I made the mistake of waiting until the last second to start screaming "STOP!" aaaaaannnnnddddd it was my fault for yelling at him. If I hadn't said anything, he would have stopped in time. Sure. You can stop from 45 mph in 20 ft no problem.
Yet another reason I'm moving out.
Sex is always an issue...
She's a narcissist and a sex addict. Lost count of the number of people who she had been with sexually. We would come across people in public and they would know her. She wouldn't say how. Used to send me nudes all the time ( we had a great sex life even with three kids) then the pictures stopped. Turned out she had been sending them to others as well. She started blowing a coworker. Guy had a newborn and she had three kids. Tried to make it seem like it was my fault when she got caught for not doing enough around around the house. ( I worked more than her) and did plenty with the kids. Made it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal and said she wasn't going to stop cheating. Got furious with me for saying I was done and not wanted to go to couples therapy. Right before I moved out we slept together again in a moment of weakness. Right after she tries telling me none of this was her fault as she was raped once years before. So glad the divorce is finally done with.
Don't be so petty....
Pettiness. The willingness to hurt oneself for hurt someone more for small reasons can be disastrous, and certainly isn't an environment conducive to any sort of long term plans you may have.
Needle in a haystack...
We moved in together after a year and a half of dating. One night I was picking up the apartment and as I was hanging up his coat, a weird little container fell out of it that was full of needles and heroin.
Oh Pretty Woman...
He likes to contact escorts when I'm on vacation with my family but blames it on being a drunk loser so that i can throw him a pity party. That and the fact that the going out to bars and getting drunk constantly in the beginning of our relationship wasn't just the fun of getting to know each other, but something he enjoys any second he has a chance.
I thought she was falling asleep so fast because she was waking up so early. Turns out, she was taking Xanax at night and taking her own prescription of adderall + adderall she bought from other people when she woke up. How tf I didn't realize the drug abuse was so deep is beyond me.
You got to have friends...
He casually told a friend of mine he was bi sexual before telling me. We'd been dating for a year and a half. They slept together a month later.
Age is but a number?
Found out my boyfriend of two years was actually ten years older than he originally told me (so instead of the 8 year difference I believed we had, it was actually 18... (yup), had three kids (the oldest of which was only a year younger than me), and was in the middle of getting divorced.
It was a doozy and it sucked a lot and kinda derailed my life for the next three years.
To clarify the age stuff because I'm an idiot and made it sound like I was dating an 8 year old, I was 22 when we started dating. He told me he was 30. He was actually 40.
That's a WHOLE lotta baggage!
I once dated a girl who I am convinced had a severe case of Munchausen syndrome. She told me she was anorexic, paranoid, an amnesiac, and schizophrenic at various points in our relationship. She (probably falsely) claimed her mother was abusive and her father was a drunk, and since they were divorced, I recommended she ask one or the other to take full custody but she never made any effort toward this. She also faked a lisp for the first month of our relationship, then denied ever having done so once she let it slip and talked normally. The final straw was when I heard from a friend of hers that she had claimed to have been coerced into doing cocaine by me.
Show me the Money!!
Everything was "50-50" until it came to money. In that case, she felt that the boyfriend should be responsible for paying for everything. Her mom would encourage it too.
I do miss her but I feel wayyy happier now.
Don't harm the animals...
For years she pestered me for a puppy, even though we lived in a one-bedroom apartment. We had opposite schedules where I worked at the office during the day and she had a night shift as a server so I after a bit of convincing I figured it would all work out as he would never be alone for too long and we could always take him out for walks. So I got her the puppy she wanted - a puggle.
Turns out she never walked him and barely took him out potty. Within a year, our carpet was a nice shade of yellow and I would constantly find poop under our couch and behind furniture. Basically she just wanted a living stuffed animal that she could show off but didn't need to take care of.
We broke up shortly after, I lost a large security deposit due to damage, she didn't want anything to do with the dog anymore and my new living situation didn't allow for dogs so we had to put him up for adoption. He went to a great family but it still stings to this day that I couldn't give the little guy the life he deserved.