an Oh Myyy Property

We can all admit this to ourselves: Sometimes, humans don't always have the brightest ideas. Think about it. Common knowledge is, "Don't stick your tongue in an electrical socket," right? That HAD to come from somewhere. Someone HAD to do that first for us to learn not to do it again. We need to police ourselves from ourselves, and these are the jobs to do so.


Reddit user, u/DeityOfUnderworld26, asked the best dumb ways we have to monitor humanity when they asked:

What job exists because we are stupid?

Stair Location Specialist

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I had a temp job in a posh department store a few years ago. The escalator going down from floor 2 to floor 1 had to be taken out to be replaced which took a month. Despite the many, many notices and the signs directing people to the lifts & stairs, a member of staff had to stand at the top of the closed escalator just to direct the public to the lifts and stairs.

It broke peoples' brains and it was worrying to see how many tried to get past the barriers, or got pissed and shouty because there was no escalator. Like holy sh-t how did people cope before moving stairs were invented.

thunderbirbthor

Dirt Putter-Onner

Met a guy once - his job was putting dirt on potatoes. Somebody along the supply chain washed them pretty well by the time they got to the grocery. People didn't trust the clean potatoes. So one guy had to put dirt back on them to make them more authentic.

RealMcGonzo

Disney Traffic Alert-er

On crowded nights, Disney Springs has employees working at crosswalks at the intersections from the overflow parking lots to tell people when they can cross. They're normal intersections that have lights telling you when you can cross. People just don't acknowledge them and will try to run across oncoming traffic.

PhoneSteveGaveToTony

Baltimore Traffic Alert-er...?

Traffic police in Baltimore.

I was there this summer and the gridlock was atrocious. People push their way into the intersection, the light turns red, and they are stuck there until the light is about to turn red in the opposite direction, at which point those people push their way into the intersection and the cycle perpetuates. During rush hour, they have police standing in the intersections--not to direct traffic, though, simply to hold their hand up when the light turns red so that people don't push their way into the intersection. Basically, a human has to stand in traffic for hours JUST to tell the drivers what the lights mean. It was unbelievable.

Brocktoberfest

D-Pic Stopper

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My husband is a Labor and Employment attorney for a massive company and gives monthly seminars to everyone there to not send penis pics/sexually harass one another.

And like clockwork someone in that room does it within a couple weeks.

Brandy_Alexander

Official Copy-Paster

I have a side gig doing data entry. I earn $25 USD/hr copying and pasting stuff from a webpage in to an excel spreadsheet, while doing some light formatting.

Secret4gentMan

You could potentially get excel to do that automatically

UniquePotato

Litter Control Personnel

Litter control personnel for public parks and beaches.

Back2Bach

I remember when I was a kid my Mom used to take my brother and I to this park across town.

One time I had a wrapper from a piece of gum in my pocket and I walked to the trash to throw it away. A police officer happened to be just patrolling the parking lot and saw me throw the wrapper away. He came over to me and told me I did a good job by doing that and he gave me a coupon for a free ice cream at the DQ. I told him I was just doing what I thought everyone else was doing. He told me that wasn't the case.

I don't get how hard it is to just throw something in the trash.

FunkTheFreak

At my university we have a person who's job is to stand by the garbage area and make sure people dispose of their trash appropriately

ILike_bananas

IT Crowd Member

Tier 1 IT support.

Did you try turning it off and on again? Sure you did. Could you blow into the cable to make sure there is no dust in the connec– Oh the cable was loose? How surprising! Have a good day.

raelepei

Psychic Detective....No Joke. That's It.

Psychic detectives: because why trust a professional detective to be intuitive?

crochetprozac

Stingray Notifiers

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I work in an aquarium and we have what I can best describe as floor guides, which are just staff that interact with people and share interesting info about the exhibits. Realistically while that is part of the job the main reason for these people being out there is to tell people to keep their hands out of the Stingray and Turtle tanks because for some reason beyond my comprehension people don't naturally get this concept.

At least once a day I hear "well why can't I touch the stingrays" and so far my all time favorite outcome of that question was a kid who said "They have the word Sting in their name". I have wanted to say that so many times, but am unable.

Arntor1184

Nose Guard Installation Experts

The guys who install rubber padding around telephone and light poles so when we walk and text, we dont break our noses walking straight into them.

Wrest216

Fire Prevention Marketer

In great 'murica there was/is a whole campaign where designers, marketers, PR staff, mascots and what not were organized to create a bear with a hat, to teach people not to set fire to forests.

MbeeToop

Law Enforcement Advisor...?

Attorney.

90% of our work is spent on 10% of our clients. Then they blame us for getting in trouble after doing what we told them not to do.

Basically stupid people keep us employed.

DustyMetal2

Flat Tummy Tea Sales Expert

All the jobs at MLM companies.

(Instagram ladies selling flat tummy teas with 'entrepreneur' written in your bio... I am looking at you!)

KimiOfGreenGables

Baggage Carousel Switch Flipper

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There was a new baggage carousel built in my local international airport

My friend was a temp worker got assigned to work at the airport watching the baggage carousel circuit breaker in case it tripped again.

creeksy

Twitter-er Verification-er

Twitter verification people

One time I made a Twitter account and tried to send someone something and my account got locked and when I was trying to put my phone number in and it said it wasn't supported, and I was like "WTF IS THIS GARBAGE!?!" and Googled how to unlock it and it gave me the same result and no matter how many times I put the number in, it always came up bad.

GET IT FIXED TWITTER!!!

the_1st_wing

...sigh....We Should Be Better Than This

Being a mod on reddit to delete racist and sexist jokes.

jhinota

Button Presser...

In India we have plenty of such jobs (for obvious reason).

The most ridiculous one is LiftMan - He sits in the elevators all day pressing buttons for people.

chanbaf

Really? How Are These Still Around?

I'm a self serve gas station attendant.

Honestly, the only reason i'm here is to slap the emergency stop button if someone starts pumping gas outside their car/gas can. Oh, and shut off the pumps when I leave.

DrDragon13

Fortnite Coach. No, That's Not A Joke Either.

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Fortnite coaches.

Hinksaw

lies. this isn't real. this can't be real

EDIT: I have been getting a lot of comments and I feel like a lot of people misinterpreted me. I meant this as a joke first because you know how everyone hates Fortnite. I personally love videogames and seeing this is amazing to me. I totally support it.

LordHorace98

H/T: Reddit



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When you know your kids backwards and forwards, this is the best tool in your arsenal.

Getting our kids to listen to us is not always the easiest of tasks. They're willful and stubborn, but we've got a mighty weapon they are rarely prepared for: reverse psychology. Getting them to convince themselves to want to do something against their own initial intentions takes some work and a whole lot of creativity, but a little sneaky manipulation goes a long way. Here are some clever parents' tricks that are definitely worth taking notes on.

Redditor u/LeanderD Asks:

Parents of reddit, what's your best example of reversed psychology on your kids that actually worked?

He Floated His Idea Through A Back Channel

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Wanted to name my boat. Anything I would think of was dismissed as stupid by my 13 year old son. After deciding on a name, I confided to a male friend my son liked. Made my friend suggest the name as though it was his idea. My son thought the name was perfect. Done.

calypsodweller

We Always Want What We Can't Have

One of my best friends through childhood used to be punished with no salad if she misbehaved. She cherishes salad now and would always try to eat as much as possible during school lunch. Coincidentally, her now husband used to be punished with no books, it had the same effect. I think it's hilarious that they'd be hitting the salad bar and library like some black market their narc parents couldn't reach hahaha.

cookiearthquake

A Deceit That's A Cut Above The Rest

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Don't know if this counts, but, at my high school (private, boys only) in the 1960's, they made a big deal about how long your hair was, and would occasionally order a boy to go home and "get a haircut".

I thought it was stupid, until years later, a master confided to me at a reunion that the policy was deliberate. The school figured we'd spend so much energy rebelling about hair length, that we would ignore other aspects of teenage rebellion. (Not?) Surprisingly, they were mostly right.

FrankDrakman

Damn! That's smart. Wow.

fangxx456

Oh they don't like long hair?

I'll show them. I'll grow my hair out as lon- what?! No I don't want to go "party"? I gotta try out this horse shampoo.

DankeyKang11

The Forbidden Book

Hi I was a victim,

There was a forbidden book that I was not allow to read on the shelf. My parents said I could only read it if I behave myself.

It was summer holidays and I was playing games all day (after 6 hrs of summer homework). One day I was home alone and had the opportunity to grabbed it. I read like half of it in one go. It was 5000 years of Chinese history.

Safe to say I was bamboozled.

oddstodd

Flowers Of The Queen

My parents always told me my broccoli were the flowers of the queen and that I really shouldn't eat them, or else the queen would get very upset! I, of course, ate the whole broccoli in a few seconds.

Subwoofy

I'm telling the queen and she's gonna be pissed

draculacletus

Sleeping Beauty

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I taught my kids when they were toddlers that no amount of yelling, shaking or hitting can wake a sleeping adult. The only thing that works is a gentle hug and/or a nice kiss on the cheek.

Edit: Probably needed some more details for the reverse psychology aspect to be clear. It went something like this - Step one, tell the kids I'm going to sleep and nothing they do will wake me (head buried face down is the safest position). Step two, after the initial onslaught dies down pretend to awaken on your own. Tell them you got a bit of nap left in you and nothing can wake you, especially not hugs and kisses.

DrMethusael

Holy sh*t...if my daughter woke me up like this I would buy her a pony.

All-Seeing_Elon

I am saving this comment because this will save lives if I ever have kids, stg.

smerter

A Walk In Someone Else's Shoes.

Split custody with my ex. When my son was around 10, he visited two weekends a month. I was waiting tables and didn't have a huge amount to spend, but he was so needy from divorce (and I'm not blaming him, it was ugly), he begged constantly for MORE when he was with me. Whatever more was, it didn't matter... he'd be eating ice cream cone and begging for teriyaki.

I finally realized that he just felt empty, and getting MORE whatever from me wasn't filling him up. His next visit I handed him $100 in cash and told him it was our food/fun budget for 3 days and two nights, and he was in charge of it. I bought him his own wallet to carry. We figured out how many times we were going to eat and what we were going to do, and he paid. He got to keep whatever money he had left...thought he was rich...then realized just how much everything cost. Well. Shoe on other foot then. If we had no money for food, we ate leftovers - and I didn't contribute more to pot. After a few weekends of running short or not getting something he actually wanted because he was foolish with funds, he started to really think about how to spend that money. He budgeted and kept to his budget. And a few times he actually went home with a little cash for his private stash.

Many years later, he thanked me for this. It really changed the way he thought about money and love.

Augumenti

This Is Worth Giving A Shot

Took my 3 year old son to one of those doctor's visits where he was going to get a shot. He was worried about the shot on the whole drive over, almost to the point of tears. We get to the doctor's office and a nurse subtly lets me know that my son is not just scheduled for 1 shot, but 5 of them in the same visit.

I turn to my son with an exaggerated smile and tell him, "Good news! They figured out how to take that one big shot you were going to get and instead break it up into these 5 little tiny shots so it won't hurt nearly as much!"

You could see the relief wash over his face. He stopped squirming and relaxed completely. He took the first shot and even smiled and said "It's true! The small ones don't hurt!"

We actually made it through the third shot before the effect wore off and reality kicked in. Still... I counted it as a victory.

blackbird77

Put This To The Taste

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My mom would tell me she only lets me eat soup after candy and she'd only buy me candy that i didn't like. After a few times, i stopped trying and begged her to let me eat soup first. She gave me a smirk and told me go ahead. This doesn't sound as evil as it was. But trust me i suffered.

turkeypr0

So what was the candy?

Poster_Main

Mint chocolate, raisins, stuff like that. I still hate them to this day. Who the f--- thought while eating chocolate "hmm id like some tooth paste with this."

turkeypr0

This is Truckin' Awesome

Mum had sworn a bit around the house.

When 4, while out at the supermarket, I said F word really loudly.

Very quickly and intently, she asked if I had just said "Truck" and said that was a bad word and not to ever say Truck like that again.

I thought that was the bad word so used that when being naughty.

GodOfTheThunder

The "Silly Mom" Routine

The "Silly Mom" routine.

My kid, and a few other kids I've known, would balk at getting ready to go. I'd grab their clothes and say, "Well, if you won't put on your clothes, I guess I'll put on your clothes. Cute shirt, by the way! Does it go on my foot?"

NO!

"Does it go on my head?"

NO! IT GOES ON ME!

"Oh, that's right, thanks! So, it must go on your legs, right?"

NO!

"I just can't figure this out! Where does this adorable shirt go?"

[kid grabs shirt and puts it on] ON MY TUMMY! SILLY MOM!

"Oh, thank you so much! Now what about these pants? Shirts go on tummies, so...the pants go on the tummy, too, right?"

NO!

[continue until kids have dressed themselves]

I would also do things like hand the kid my keys and say, "Alright, you're driving, I'll sit in the booster seat in back," attempt to feed the kid by putting a spoon up to his ear or his belly button, and attempt to put away his toys in the refrigerator.

insertcaffeine

Some Foot For Thought.

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My mum would always yell at us "if you don't do X, you have to go to bed without socks!"

I never wore socks anyway, and I'm ashamed to admit that this worked.

Splittsky

That would work really well on my son, or make him cry for a really long time... He's 3 and over the last few weeks has decided that he is fully unable to sleep without socks on.

PJQueen

Toddlers man. Completely unpredictable.

SheaRVA

I'm Greens With Envy

My mum had a friend that would put vegetables on her own plate and not the kids.

When the kids asked she would be reluctant to share, "that's grown up food. But I suppose I can let you have a little."

Her kids grew up loving vegetables.

I sat at the dinner table for 3 hours staring at the yucky cauliflower I refused to eat.

laik72

This reminds me of an instance when my child convinced my wife and myself to change our plans for dinner. We were in a grocery store to pick up something quick and easy to eat that we wouldn't have to prepare. Our daughter, wanted none of that, she demanded that she wanted a salad from the salad bar. We started to argue back, but then realized: "Our child demands that we feed her vegetables for dinner instead of a microwaved meal, why are we saying 'No?'"

We had salad for dinner that night.

Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

The Power Of Choice

I don't so much know if you would call it reverse psychology, but I didn't realize it until my dad told me this.

When there were chores that needed doing, he noticed if he asked me to mow the lawn, I would complain and procrastinate. But if he asked would I rather mow the lawn or wash the windows, I'd pick one and just get it done.

Shattered my brain when he told me when I was in my twenties. I use it when I'm coaching or baby sitting all the time and it almost never fails.

AppealToReason16

The Boy Who Cried 'Ouch'

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I've done this one with tens of kids. Any time a kid gets "hurt" (falls down on grass, gets gently hit in the face with a ball, etc.) instead of stopping the activity to pick the kid up and see if they're ok you just scoot them off to the side and resume. Within 10 seconds of not getting all the attention and seeing the fun is resuming they pop right back up and are magically healed.

This of course is only for the "injuries" that aren't actually injuries.

pedanticProgramer

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