an Oh Myyy Property

We can all admit this to ourselves: Sometimes, humans don't always have the brightest ideas. Think about it. Common knowledge is, "Don't stick your tongue in an electrical socket," right? That HAD to come from somewhere. Someone HAD to do that first for us to learn not to do it again. We need to police ourselves from ourselves, and these are the jobs to do so.


Reddit user, u/DeityOfUnderworld26, asked the best dumb ways we have to monitor humanity when they asked:

What job exists because we are stupid?

Stair Location Specialist

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I had a temp job in a posh department store a few years ago. The escalator going down from floor 2 to floor 1 had to be taken out to be replaced which took a month. Despite the many, many notices and the signs directing people to the lifts & stairs, a member of staff had to stand at the top of the closed escalator just to direct the public to the lifts and stairs.

It broke peoples' brains and it was worrying to see how many tried to get past the barriers, or got pissed and shouty because there was no escalator. Like holy sh-t how did people cope before moving stairs were invented.

thunderbirbthor

Dirt Putter-Onner

Met a guy once - his job was putting dirt on potatoes. Somebody along the supply chain washed them pretty well by the time they got to the grocery. People didn't trust the clean potatoes. So one guy had to put dirt back on them to make them more authentic.

RealMcGonzo

Disney Traffic Alert-er

On crowded nights, Disney Springs has employees working at crosswalks at the intersections from the overflow parking lots to tell people when they can cross. They're normal intersections that have lights telling you when you can cross. People just don't acknowledge them and will try to run across oncoming traffic.

PhoneSteveGaveToTony

Baltimore Traffic Alert-er...?

Traffic police in Baltimore.

I was there this summer and the gridlock was atrocious. People push their way into the intersection, the light turns red, and they are stuck there until the light is about to turn red in the opposite direction, at which point those people push their way into the intersection and the cycle perpetuates. During rush hour, they have police standing in the intersections--not to direct traffic, though, simply to hold their hand up when the light turns red so that people don't push their way into the intersection. Basically, a human has to stand in traffic for hours JUST to tell the drivers what the lights mean. It was unbelievable.

Brocktoberfest

D-Pic Stopper

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My husband is a Labor and Employment attorney for a massive company and gives monthly seminars to everyone there to not send penis pics/sexually harass one another.

And like clockwork someone in that room does it within a couple weeks.

Brandy_Alexander

Official Copy-Paster

I have a side gig doing data entry. I earn $25 USD/hr copying and pasting stuff from a webpage in to an excel spreadsheet, while doing some light formatting.

Secret4gentMan

You could potentially get excel to do that automatically

UniquePotato

Litter Control Personnel

Litter control personnel for public parks and beaches.

Back2Bach

I remember when I was a kid my Mom used to take my brother and I to this park across town.

One time I had a wrapper from a piece of gum in my pocket and I walked to the trash to throw it away. A police officer happened to be just patrolling the parking lot and saw me throw the wrapper away. He came over to me and told me I did a good job by doing that and he gave me a coupon for a free ice cream at the DQ. I told him I was just doing what I thought everyone else was doing. He told me that wasn't the case.

I don't get how hard it is to just throw something in the trash.

FunkTheFreak

At my university we have a person who's job is to stand by the garbage area and make sure people dispose of their trash appropriately

ILike_bananas

IT Crowd Member

Tier 1 IT support.

Did you try turning it off and on again? Sure you did. Could you blow into the cable to make sure there is no dust in the connec– Oh the cable was loose? How surprising! Have a good day.

raelepei

Psychic Detective....No Joke. That's It.

Psychic detectives: because why trust a professional detective to be intuitive?

crochetprozac

Stingray Notifiers

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I work in an aquarium and we have what I can best describe as floor guides, which are just staff that interact with people and share interesting info about the exhibits. Realistically while that is part of the job the main reason for these people being out there is to tell people to keep their hands out of the Stingray and Turtle tanks because for some reason beyond my comprehension people don't naturally get this concept.

At least once a day I hear "well why can't I touch the stingrays" and so far my all time favorite outcome of that question was a kid who said "They have the word Sting in their name". I have wanted to say that so many times, but am unable.

Arntor1184

Nose Guard Installation Experts

The guys who install rubber padding around telephone and light poles so when we walk and text, we dont break our noses walking straight into them.

Wrest216

Fire Prevention Marketer

In great 'murica there was/is a whole campaign where designers, marketers, PR staff, mascots and what not were organized to create a bear with a hat, to teach people not to set fire to forests.

MbeeToop

Law Enforcement Advisor...?

Attorney.

90% of our work is spent on 10% of our clients. Then they blame us for getting in trouble after doing what we told them not to do.

Basically stupid people keep us employed.

DustyMetal2

Flat Tummy Tea Sales Expert

All the jobs at MLM companies.

(Instagram ladies selling flat tummy teas with 'entrepreneur' written in your bio... I am looking at you!)

KimiOfGreenGables

Baggage Carousel Switch Flipper

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There was a new baggage carousel built in my local international airport

My friend was a temp worker got assigned to work at the airport watching the baggage carousel circuit breaker in case it tripped again.

creeksy

Twitter-er Verification-er

Twitter verification people

One time I made a Twitter account and tried to send someone something and my account got locked and when I was trying to put my phone number in and it said it wasn't supported, and I was like "WTF IS THIS GARBAGE!?!" and Googled how to unlock it and it gave me the same result and no matter how many times I put the number in, it always came up bad.

GET IT FIXED TWITTER!!!

the_1st_wing

...sigh....We Should Be Better Than This

Being a mod on reddit to delete racist and sexist jokes.

jhinota

Button Presser...

In India we have plenty of such jobs (for obvious reason).

The most ridiculous one is LiftMan - He sits in the elevators all day pressing buttons for people.

chanbaf

Really? How Are These Still Around?

I'm a self serve gas station attendant.

Honestly, the only reason i'm here is to slap the emergency stop button if someone starts pumping gas outside their car/gas can. Oh, and shut off the pumps when I leave.

DrDragon13

Fortnite Coach. No, That's Not A Joke Either.

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Fortnite coaches.

Hinksaw

lies. this isn't real. this can't be real

EDIT: I have been getting a lot of comments and I feel like a lot of people misinterpreted me. I meant this as a joke first because you know how everyone hates Fortnite. I personally love videogames and seeing this is amazing to me. I totally support it.

LordHorace98

H/T: Reddit



Addiction makes you do strange things...

Addictions are dangerous. It takes a hold of your life and strangles it. It festers slowly and disintegrates your world. Well most of them do. We all have behavioral addictions that often become a quirky character trait. Sometimes it can actually be cute. Well certain behaviors within reason that is. Some can be downright annoying and fodder for the therapist.

Redditor u/milanamilana asked people to divulge a few things, asking... What's your "strange addiction"?

Ah the cones...

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When I am out walking in wooded areas I spend a lot of time trying to find pine cones to stand on.

I do it because when you find a suitably dry one it feels amazing and sounds so good. Do it. Tends to work best if they are stood upright. wewannagetloaded

The sound of music...

I will listen to music for hours on end while walking around a room, imagining various stories and scenarios. Glissando365

I do that constantly. It doesn't interfere with my life but I love coming up with all kinds of stories and dropping myself into them. ParsnipPizza2

Flesh eater.

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Chewing the inside of my mouth. classik_e

My 30 year old sister has done this her whole life, and I have never seen or met anyone else that does it as noticeably as her. She'll take the second knuckle of her index finger and push her cheek in so she can chew on it. She's gotten better about not doing it as often. I've never asked her why she does it. yolkfacekilla

Daydream Believer. 

I'm not sure how common this is but shopping for million dollar penthouses and yachts that I will never be able to afford. I just like to dream I guess. ShellSwitch

I do this a ton, it's my night time wind down in bed activity to look at /r/roomporn and imagine myself as the buyer. What I would change, what I like etc etc. ExeterMegaladon

Yuck! 

This is so gross but I am addicted to picking. Pimples, dry skin, scabs, anything pick-able I will dig at it till I bleed. No I am not on drugs. It's so bad that I am contemplating hypnosis. Annon8765

I'm so hangry!

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Going through the kitchen in search of food, giving up, then lowering my standards and looking again. bibi-chocobun

I do this ALL THE TIME!!!!

I open the fridge, look around, take a mental note of what is there and close the doors and walk away. an hour later i come back and open the fridge, look around and think of what i might want... as if my stomach wants it, but my brain says no. tunersharkbitten

Look at the people...

Analyzing other people when I'm out in public. I enjoy trying to figure out who they are just by what I see. DARKcsb

I like doing this with my mom.

We would guess "who went with who" at the food court in the mall when I was growing up. We would look at people with their trays of food and try to guess who their significant other was waiting at the table.

My mom was almost always right. It's a fond memory :) girlroseghost

Staying mute...

I'm addicted to avoiding phone calls. QiNavigator

I purposefully reply to texts with at least hour delay so it's not fishy that I am never able to accept any calls.OresteiaCzech

I found a reality series...

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Donating sperm to lesbians.

I started off donating to some friends then they began recommending me to other lesbians through a FB group.

It's so rewarding and I've fathered 7 so far. Socialist7

Thank you for reading! 

Reading creepy stories on Reddit, which I guess isn't that strange. Alec122

And then regretting it when you try to sleep? Because that's what I do. CautiousMusic

REDDIT

Sam Tabone/WireImage via Getty Images, Paul Archuleta/FilmMagic via Getty Images

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If you talk to anyone studying English as a second language, they'll tell you how hard it is to learn. If you grew up speaking English as your only language, it probably doesn't seem that difficult; but as a bilingual native English speaker who learned a second language later in life I can tell you, English is WEIRD!

English has so many inconsistencies in spelling, pronunciation, verb conjugation...don't get me started. American English, UK English, and Australian English all spell things differently and the same word can have completely different meanings or connotations.

It wasn't until my freshman year of high school when I started learning Japanese, in which a word is always pronounced exactly like it looks like it should be, that I gained a real understanding of how hard English would be for someone to try to learn as a second language. Even as a native speaker who loves the English language and writes for a living, I sometimes struggle with its many homophones (there, their, and they're, for example) and grammatical inconsistencies. Even our mnemonics that are taught in school to help remember these differences don't always hold true. "I before E, except after C" is something most American children are taught in elementary school, but what about neighbor, weight, and veil?

Redditor STUDkatz asked:

What's something weird about English (or another language) that native speakers don't think about?

Below, you'll find an assortment of the weird quirks of the language that you've probably never thought about.

My Brain Hurts

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English might be difficult. It can be understood through tough thorough thought though.

-SpeeeeedBoost

It's Right, But Why?

A native speaker has a knowledge of implicit grammar (through learning naturally as a child) that would require an adult years to study and review.

You're spewing out the correct answer but god help you if someone asks you to show your work.

-BaanThai

I am an editor and I still sometimes have trouble when asked why something should be a certain way. I just KNOW it's wrong (or correct) and I can't always explain why.

-Lil-Maece

It took until i was 16 to realize there's actually a rule to figure out if you should use a or an... Before that (and admittedly since) I was just going with the one that didn't sound dumb out loud

-booneruni

Unnecessary Combination

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People assume a lot of silly things, such as words that can be combined always are.

Examples: "Yeah I maybe doing that later." or "I do that everyday."

I want to punch myself for writing that.

-PM_ME_A_PLANE_TICKET

Running A Bit Long

Run has hundreds of uses (forms). Last I checked it was a little over 250. You run a program, you run over toads in your car, the chicken run has a duck in it, The ads run too long on the TV, you run out of toilet paper, you run down to the shop in the car, you run up a bill at the shop after the assistant gave you the run around. You run into a friend but you have to run home as you had the runs and something was running down your leg. You run to the toilet but you run into a problem. Your kid is running a lemonade stand in the doorway. You're now running a little brown cable along your path. You hope nobody takes a picture and runs it in the paper as you are running for office. Your stance is against gun runners but you're hauling a little brown nuke right now. I've run out but there's more.

-PapaOoMaoMao

Sometimes The Joke Is In The Translation

Pakistani urdu-english speaker, there are a LOT of words that are absolutely hilarious when taken in the context of english but my 2 favorite have to be which is a letter in the urdu alphabet and is pronounced exactly like "Meme" and another which is a punjabi name which is literally spelled and pronounced "Butt", there is also a national level bakery brand called "Butt"

Urdu is a great language

-Theodoric___

Strength Or Weakness?

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There is a common nine letter word with only a single vowel in English.

That word is "strengths".

-Wobbles42

Ordered Descriptors

Adjectives have a specific order they are supposed to be arranged. For example, you would never say the green large five dragons. You would say the five large green dragons. The order that English typically follows for adjectives is:

1. Quantity or number

2. Quality or opinion

3. Size

4. Age

5. Shape

6. Color

7. Proper adjective

8. Purpose or qualifier

-TinkerTailorSoldjur

Rhymes with Confusion

Read and lead rhyme and so do read and lead, but read and lead don't rhyme and neither do read and lead.

-LinnyFlower

About Time You Realized It

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I never really appreciated the word "about" until I started learning French and realized there are about a couple dozen different words you have to learn about where in English we would just say "about." It's just about one of the most versatile and useful words we have.

-schnit123

Confusing Combos

Native English speaker here.

How irritatingly complex and nuanced English (and other Germanic languages) verbs are for having tons of common verbs that change meaning completely or only subtly with one flip of a preposition and sometimes even more so by stacking a few more on.

Put + on, in, out, off, toward, into, forth, away, up, up with, down, past

Set + on, off, out, in, up, down

Run + off, on, out, into, away, up, down, over, at, through

Take + on, out, in, away, up, over, off

Break + in, out, up, down, up with, into, out of away

Give + up, out, away, in, out

Get + on, in, out, up, down, away, away with, along, by, back, through, across, over, into, at

Work + up, up to, out, through

Come + in, out, by, across, through, over, at

Do + in, away with, over, up

Hang + up, in, out, out with, over, with, off, back

Then ones where the options are fewer, they're either somewhat related or *not at all*.

Chat vs chat someone up.

Make something up vs make out.

This list isn't exhaustive because I got tired of thinking but I've heard many a friend moan and groan about how every combination seems like a whole new word or phrase to memorize. That even if it looks familiar, they can't trust it. Most other languages just have a unique word for each idea or at least morphology that is somehow linked. Work + through makes sense in that it implies you're belaboring or in the midst of resolving something (imagine pushing *through* something). So some make at least a little logical sense. Put + up + with has no clue in it that it means to endure or tolerate. Come + over is just like "went from toward me above something?"

Set + off (an alarm) makes no sense at all. Isn't it actually going *on*?

Break + in (to use a new item for the first time, implying the start of the process of making it yours) — just "breaking" your boots is bad but if you do it on the inside, it's desired?

Give + out as in, "my car's engine gave out." (went kaput) Did it hand you a piece of candy?

If repeating doing something is "doing something over," then what do these mean:

"coming over"

"handing over"

"taking over"

"getting over"

At least in languages like Spanish that are better stocked in the logic department, these all are treated as different ideas that they are.

Venir a visitar

Entregar

Encargarse de

Superar

EDIT: Spelling mistakes and additional examples.

-stanographer

H/T: Reddit

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