Kids say the darnedest - and creepiest - things. A lot of kids seem to recall past lives, or have imaginary friends that make their parents uncomfortable. And what's up with three-year-olds and the whole reincarnation thing? Do little kids remember what it was like before they were born, only to forget it later? Sleep on it.
mjacobson7 asked: Parents, whats the creepiest thing your kid has ever said or done?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Start asking questions.Giphy
Picked him up from daycare when he was 3. Driving home, totally quiet, him just staring out the window... he randomly asks "hey dad, 'member that time we died in a fire?"
Oh I 'member
Masterful trolling by a toddler.
My 3 yo daughter was going through the monsters under her bed phase. Lasted for weeks, and it was really wearing on her mom & me.
One night after mom tried to put her to bed, she tagged me in. After 30 minutes, I grew pretty frustrated. In a last ditch attempt, I promised my daughter that there weren't any monster under her bed. She replied, "I know. Now they're behind you."
After that, I let her sleep with us for a week.
I told my now 7 year old, when he was 3, that daddy eats monsters. Eats em right up. The whole monster.
I give them a chance. One chance to make two choices - either be nice, or go away. If not, daddy's gonna eat em right up. I've made a big show of pretending to eat a monster, and even forced out a big burp when I was done.
I've heard him yell a couple different times "you better go away or be nice or my daddy's gonna eat you up!"
I used to have sleep paralysis. Still get it from time to time but it was worse when I didn't know what sleep paralysis was, and thought I was being messed with by demons or ghosts or something. I woke up an ex girlfriend once by yelling at some shadowy figure that I was going to "eat your f*cking soul" .. but ever since that happened, the sleep paralysis sessions were less intense. Then I learned what sleep paralysis actually is, and that lots of other people have it.
So, I know there's no such thing as monsters, but if there is, I'm gonna f*ckin' eat them, and I think they know it.
Animals know what's up too.Giphy
My 12 year old comes up to me visible shaken and said that she thinks she saw someone in the bathroom. I asked her to clarify and she said when she walked past, it looked like someone ducked into the shower. Mind you it was just her and I at home at that time, since my husband was at work.
So, we have a Doberman named Rango , and I have him follow me to the hallway where the bathroom is. My adrenaline is pumping hard, and as I quietly and slowly crept to the bathroom. I stopped a few feet away from the door and looked at Rango. He looks at me and I point to the bathroom.
I sh*t you not, he f*cking understood loud and clear what I wanted, and he looks at the bathroom and slowly and carefully stalked towards the bathroom with the fur on his back raised. When I saw him react like this, I was CONVINCED someone was in there and my heart started racing.
Once he made it over the bathroom threshold, he paused, and leaned his body in as he sniffed the air, and one step at a time, he slowly crept in leaning and sniffing.
Once he made it all the way in, he became more comfortable and relaxed and looked in the shower sniffing around, then he just looked at me like "Really?😒" and did that huff thing dogs do through their nose, and walked right passed me out of the bathroom looking somewhat irritated.
But for good measure, I had him check the rest of the rooms just in case. 😅
He was ready for action. Trained on his own his whole life. False alarm. 🙄 He talked sh*t about you next walk to the other dogs.
Oh, her again.
I heard the one-year-old's high chair move even though nobody was near it. I asked the three-year-old, "what was that?" and he said, while pointing to the chair, "what is SHE doing here!?"
3-year-olds can see all 11 dimensions.
F***ck me oh man.
The one thing every mother wants to hear. Not.
When my oldest son was about three he asked one night at bed time. "Mommy I like you better than my fake mommy". Me "who's your fake mommy?" Him "You can't see her. She tucks me in after you do."
Yup. I got one of these.
My two year old daughter called me up to her room about 10 minutes after I said goodnight etc. "Mummy, Daddy is watching me go to sleep". He wasn't, he was downstairs playing on his computer. When I told her this she replied "no, pretend Daddy" she pointed at her wardrobe which was behind me in the dark room and she got real close and whispered "I see him".
F*cking noped right out of there. Save yourself kid, I ain't hanging round to meet freaking pretend daddy.
A kid once sat near a camp fire and seemed to be lost in thoughts. I asked what he is thinking about. This 6 yr old said "I wish I was high up in space and the whole world was on fire. That would be beautiful."
Some people just want to watch the world burn.
I mean. He's not wrong, exactly.
Get stuffed and placed in the corner.
My special needs son, has made so many comments about keeping my body when I die, I've considered specifically putting info into the will to make sure it doesn't ever happen.
My little brother is not special needs...he just says weird sh!t like this. He said he's going to get all our bodies taxidermied when we die so that we can be together forever.
Chucky isn't helping.
My niece was about 4 when I heard her laughing in my room. I walked in and asked her what she was doing and she said "Chucky says if you stick your fingers in your eyes they come out of your mouth." Then she told me Chucky lived underground. Still gives me chills.
First of all Chucky, that's not how any of this works.
Yeah, Chucky, if that's even your real name.
I mean it is the best part.Giphy
"I want to play "Frozen" but only the part where the parents die in a shipwreck."
My niece recently saw the Lion King for the first time and said her favorite part is 'where the dad got dead.' She was three. That was lovely.
Well that was the best part idk.
Something about being 3 and asking about past lives...
My three-year-old son said, "Next time I'm a baby, I want to have green eyes." I asked him if he had been a different baby before being who he currently is, and he squinted his eyes, looked at me like I was an idiot, and said, "Yes, papa."
My son, 4 years old, talks about how before he was born my wife and I were his children once, and that his little sister was the mama then. It's so odd.
It was a perfectly normal day, otherwise.
I have twin daughters. One day while playing outside, one looked up at the sky and said, "The sky is cracked... and on fire."
My other daughter looked up and said, "Yes.... the people are screaming."
Then they went back to playing with dolls. Fingers crossed they're not predicting the future, everybody!
"Funny weather we're having."
Oh, you didn't see that too?
Just take the compliment.Giphy
When my daughter was around 4-years-old, she had a habit of waking me up by getting 4 inches from my face and staring at me until I opened my eyes. Once my eyes opened, she'd say, "Mommy your face is pretty. I want to wear it on my face."
Ok, Hannibal, let's get some breakfast.
A girl has many faces.
Ah, okay, nope.
About 3 am I wake to find my 6 year old son just standing next to my side of the bed staring at me motionless. It was a very tense moment up to the point I asked him very easily "you ok son??" He then came back with "I cant sleep" but I still wonder how long he stood there before I woke.
Once when my toddler was hugging me he quietly said "I won't eat your bones." Oh, uh...much obliged...
Ha ha. Maybe he was just comforting you, like "At least I won't eat your bones."
Somewhere in that house is a sad ghost.
It's one in the morning, I'm dead asleep with my wife in the living room reading. All of the sudden the baby monitor is blaring my 16-month-old son's laughter in my ear, so I jump up, run into his room, and he's standing in his crib pointing at the corner of the room and giggling hysterically. I just stared at him for a few seconds before I grabbed him and put him in bed with me.
That's not the horror story - that's just the premise.
The REAL horror is that your kid loved sleeping with you and now you're stuck putting him in your bed with you every night until he's 5.
What's the creepiest thing you remember from childhood?